Victoria Silvstedt

Olivier Martinez made it clear that he's riding shotgun without a helmet on the crazy train by confirming to reporters at the opening of his restaurant in Miami that he's engaged to Halle "I Will Never Get Married Again" Berry. Olivier should've given Halle a suicide pill ring, so that when she's choking him out during one of their many fights, he can end his misery by leaning over to chew his way to a quick death. But instead, Olivier gave Halle an emerald ring he made with jooree designer Robert Mazlo.

A source type tells UsWeekly that Olivier wanted to give Halle the "most beautiful ring ever made" and also wanted it mean something. Olivier took some ancient mystical quiz called the "Alchemy Test," which is made up of several questions asking for Halle's favorite colors, numbers and shapes. Robert Mazlo decoded the answers to design the perfect emerald ring which tells Halle and Oliver's story.

Isn't that special? I'm guessing that the emerald represents the color Halle will turn when she busts into a jealous rage after watching Olivier innocently talk to another trick. The diamond represents the maniacal twinkle in Halle's eye. The yellow gold represents the jaundice Olivier and Halle will suffer from after they suck the life out of each other. Robert Mazlo is right! That ring is perfect.

The source says that the ring is one-of-a-kind and I say that it's something you can get at QVC for just 4 easy payments of $29.99.

Speaking of precious gems, here's rare crazy diamond Victoria Silvstedt at the opening of Olivier's new restaurant in Miami over the weekend.

Just a few days after debuting his new bundle of lace front joy on the cover of People Magazine, John Travolta brought it to the opening of the Breitling flagship store in NYC last night. The fellow A-list beauties who got to marvel at John's steam-proof, stick-on wig live and in person included the all-natural Victoria Silvstedt (see below).

Even though I am impressed by John's Knowles-like dedication to wearing the coats of farm animals on his head, I am completely disappointed that nobody around him has answered the urge to snatch that shit like a scorned Miss Gay Brazil loser. When the wig is so blatant, your fingers get the tingles and you just want to grab and dash! You practically have to solofist yourself to keep this from happening. Hmmm. Maybe that's John's intention...... Well. Played.

And John's new watch is all sorts of fancy, but I hope he remembers to take it off before he goes into the sauna. If he doesn't, some poor dude will be farting out wheels and screws for months.

Phoebe Price should really consider moving to Cannes. They adore her there! They photograph her chicken cutlets every hour of the day. I'm not even posting half of the pictures they take of her. They can't get enough of her! The French must love poultry.

PP crashed show up to another Angelina Jolie premiere at Cannes today. She already attended the Kung Fu Panda premiere last week. You know she totally swiped Angie's itinerary. Well, PP is the next Angelina Jolie, so she's just training for her inevitable future by following Angie around. Angie better watch her man. No man can resist the warm and salty taste of chicken cutlets.

And PP kept flashing two fingers to the paps while on the red carpet. Is she trying to do a peace sign? It looks more like she's about to stick her tongue in between the V and make the "licking coochie" gesture. She's directing that towards Angie. No woman can resist the warm and salty taste of chicken cutlets either.

Anyway, the poor fools that had to share the red carpet with PP during tonight's "Changeling" premiere included Victoria Silvstedt, Sharon Stone and Dita Von Teese. Their beauty pales in comparison to the radiance of Phoebe Price!

Her fake eyelash is about to come falling off! Pull it together Victoria Silvstedt! Can't your nasty ass sugar daddy invest a little super glue? Victoria attended the Ocean Drive Super Bowl party last night and I think she thought "super bowl" was going to involve smoking a lot of weed. I think she was a wee bit disappointed.

Swedish piece-o-trash, Victoria Silvstedt is the new Bai Ling. Homegirl will break out a photoshoot almost anywhere. Here she is looking like one huge H.A.M. during a photoshoot in her damn limo.
I kind of love it.

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