Britney Spears

Okay, just because Brit Brit's weave looks like something a plumber would pull out of the Abominable Snowman's shower drain doesn't mean she's going to run off in a crazy haze and take a clipper to her head. Although, maybe someone should probably take a clipper to her head. Because that weave is looking like it's about to be picked up by the ASPCA and taken down to headquarters where they will shampoo it, dematt it, feed it and put up for adoption. Kate Gosselin will adopt it, because her possum head needs a love interest.

Here's Brit Brit buying stuff in Los Angeles yesterday. While she was shopping, she got a ticket. No, it wasn't a parking ticket. It was a citation for weave cruelty. Brit seemed happy about it (it's the meds).

While picking up a bunch of free shit at a swag suite in Los Angeles last week, Brit Brit's Cheetolings entertained the other guests with their dazzling poetry skills. Gatecrasher says that 2-year-old JJ and 3-year-old SPF kept shouting "Oh shit!" over and over again while Brit Brit ignored them. Maybe they were trying to tell their mama je'e' that they had a poopy party in their pants, but Brit Brit wasn't hearing it. Some source said, "She was too busy picking out freebies to chastise the boys for misbehaving."

Misbehaving? It's just the "shit" word. I'm sure most of us came into this world screaming "OH FUCK" or "OH MOTHERFUCKING CUNT DAMN" in baby-talk. It's not like SPF and JJ were shouting, "Mah pussy is hanging out" (they save that for church). Or even worse, they could've been using the word "POPOZAO" or "CHEEZ DOODLES" (Cheetos arch rival). Chester would have to wash their dirty mouths out with Palmolive if they ever repeated that name.

Image: INFDaily.com

Here's Our Lady of Cheetos looking lovely in an outfit from "The American Gladiators Cocktail Dress Collection" at yesterday's Pedophiles' Dream Awards. While looking at these pictures of Brit, I got hongray for a giant turkey leg, but I also got a little concerned about her eyebrow situation. I just felt like it could be better and then it HIT ME like an angry Chris Brown. Bitch needs some weave brows!

A couple of months ago, I posted a very important video of some trick showing off her beautiful weave brows to the world, Well, it looks like the weave brow movement is finally taking off (not really) and they need Brit Brit to be the face of it! Brit can even get orange ones, so it looks like tiny Cheeto dingles are stuck to her face. Absolutely beautiful.

Below is video of the newest member of the weave brow movement. Homegirl (insert giant question mark here) knows the importance of eyebrows. They are so important to her that she even took a few dollars out of her "dick chopping fund" to pay for these weave brows!

Yesterday in Beverly Hills, Brit Brit got herself into a "Kim Zolciak goes to the pool at the Y" outfit for some kind of photo shoot. You know, Brit Brit really needs to invest in a Cuchini or two. She is dangerously close to having another "mah pussay is hanging out" moment. I can almost see an outline of her Cheetoclit.

Speaking of jerky lips, whoever was styling Brit should research her ass a little more. Brit shouldn't be in some boring ass white bikini! No, this is what she should be wearing:

What she's wearing is not working out! When all else fails, put some jerky on it!

Clippers shook in fear, pink wigs weeped for their future and every crazy house in the L.A. area braced themselves for a CODE CHEETO after this picture of Brit Brit and HoHan was taken the other night. We all know what happened the last time these two got together. Although, Parasite Hilton was added to the mix the last time, so maybe she's the key ingredient (herp juice and wonk eye booger) to make things go BOOM. Keep her away at all costs (tip: just keep her busy by asking her to name all her crotch crabs) or it really may be the end for all us.

And Brit Brit should pose with HoHan more often, because she actually looks like a semi-sane and healthy individual next to her. For real. HoHan is looking like Donatella Versace's fried and malnourished clitoris.

VIA Rolling-Blackouts.com

Brit Brit spent 9 hours inside of a salon in Downtown Los Angeles yesterday getting her weave dyed the exact shade of White Cheddar Cheetos. Our Lady of Cheetos is getting all gourmet on us! Okay, the paps say it took 9 hours, but how long does it really take to marinate a few polyester weave pieces in Clorox and paste it on her scalp using non-toxic Elmer's (you know how she gets around fumes)?

After Brit finished up, she stuffed her saggamuffins into one of Mariah Carey's old dresses and partied at a Jazz club nearby. In some of the pictures, Brit Brit's got that crazed Frapp twinkle in her eye like she wants to whoop a trick with an umbrella or visit a gas station in the dead of night (NUTS!). Is it wrong that this excites me? It might be. Daddy Spears, put on your Fannypack filled with meds and come and get your child.

Just take the essence of Prostitution Whore from The Real Housewives of NJ, stir in a drop Swan Brooner's tears of determination, throw in every single item Contempo Casuals made in 1988 and blend until creamy. After you pour it into a bowl and sprinkle a handful of Victoria Gotti's dandruff on top, you will have this picture! This is just more Photoshop fakery from Candie's!

You won't be seeing this one hanging in the middle of a Kohl's anytime soon, because it was an outtake. They probably woke up, smelled the Cheeto smegma and realized this picture looked it belonged in a catalog for mail order mob wives (please tell me such a thing exists).

Here's some un-touched pictures of Brit Brit with her soulmate Frapp (WITH WHIP!!!) yesterday in Los Angeles. It's always amazing to see pictures of Brit like the one above, because she never needs help from the Photoshop fairies. Behold her natural beauty!

This November, a judge could rule that it's time for Daddy Spears to remove Brit Brit's chip, unhook the leash and send her back out into the world by herself! I'm sure Brit Brit wants to know if he's still going to make her Velveeta grits every day, because that might be a deal breaker....

TMZ reports that the court will review the conservatorship in November when her world tour ends. The conservatorship might have ended earlier, but apparently Brit Brit was uninsurable without Mastah Spears calling the shots. Also, several vendors only agreed to sign contracts if the conservatorship was in effect for the entire "Mah Pussy Is Hanging Out This Christmas" tour.

Daddy Spears has been carrying Brit since February '08 and he thinks he's ready to push her out of his womb. Our little Cheetoling is growing up so fast.....

Oh, Brit Brit will be fine (insert side-eye and question mark here). If she doesn't want to return to the crazy days of yore, she just needs to stay away from landing strips, Frapps with extra whip, pink wigs, London the dog (it hurts to type that), Carla the old assistant, gas stations, umbrellas, barber shop, etc...etc...

This is an ad for a language center in St. Petersburg which uses the music of Brit Brit to teach English. This is kind of ironic since Brit Brit barely knows English herself.

If Brit Brit knew what was good for her show, she'd immediately hire these 4 Russian bitches as her new back-up dancers/singers/eye candy. The hot pepaw can be the band's new accordion player, because every major show has to have an accordion player. It's just fact.

On second though, they don't need Brit Brit! These 4 beauties can go out on their own and become the world's next big superstar girl-group. They have everything it takes. There's the sexy one (the bitch in the red), the virginal one (the bitch in the white), the VOICE (the bitch in the black) and the lesbian one (you know which one I'm talking about).

VIA Buzzfeed

Brit Brit is currently touring all through Europe and she took a little time to take her Cheetolings to see the Eiffel Tower in Paris. It's nice that Brit Brit dressed up for the occasion, but homegirl still looks like your crackhead cousin trying to clean up for a wedding. You know, the cousin who even has a bad case of the sweats in winter time. What I'm trying to say is that Brit Brit looks beautiful as usual.

Yish, Brit Brit is allergic to bras. We know this. Her Slim Jim nipples don't bother me anymore. I'm used to seeing them. I feel like we know each other. I could tell them my deepest secrets without fear. We're like family. Shit, I've seen Brit Brit's pokies more than I've seen my own nipples. And I think it's high time that her weave star in a remake of The Swamp Thing. The role it was born to play.

I bet Brit Brit has no idea that she's wearing a Star of David necklace. She probably just thinks it's "purdy shiny blue star."

Anyway, here's more of Brit Brit and her boys in Paris tonight. I also threw in some pictures of K-WellFed with his girlfriend and the boys earlier today.

In other news, the City of Paris just announced that they are completely out of baguettes....and fries....and pastries....