Taylor Swift

Last night's Country Music Awards crowned Taylor Swift as their new princess by giving her a bunch of awards including Entertainer of the Year. Taylor became the youngest youngin' to win the top prize. Unfortunately, Kanye West couldn't attend, but he was there in spirit. And by that I mean every single person who took the stage made a Kanye joke. It's the joke that will roam this earth long after we're all dead. Kanye obviously needs to come and snatch the spotlight off this joke for once and for all. See what I mean? It's an epidemic.

Because Kanye wasn't there to wet queef on Taylor's parade, Wynonna Judd decided to take the helm. When USA Today asked Wynonna what she thought about Taylor winning big, she answered, “You want my honest comment? It’s too much too soon. Time is God’s way of keeping everything from happening at once. It’s just too much of a good thing too soon. My thing is, being a home-school mom, I want kids to earn it, and I think some time ... ‘cause mom and I rode in a car for the first year of our career to visit radio stations. There was a making of the star, there was a rising up, and the fans went with us. Now it’s over coffee breaks, the success, almost. You have to play catch up ... It’s like the girl who wins an Oscar and she’s under 20. What do you do from here?”

Point taken, Nonna. Wynonna is the spokesbutt for Alli, so that pretty much explains why she has a minor case of the grouches. If you needed to stick a wine cork in your asshole so it would stop leaking runny shit all the time, you would act the same way. Alli effs you up. Look at Nonna! The Alli-induced poo isn't content on just leaking out of her b-hole anymore. It's also starting to seep out of her pores.

While you take a moment to glance through these pictures of Taylor, Nonna and her absolutely breathtaking mother Naomi at last night's awards, I'm going to go and adjust the wine cork in my no-no.

In case you missed it, here's the Twilight parody that aired on Saturday Night Live last night starring Taylor Swift and Bill Hader (who became one with RPattz's "I'm trying to take a poo through my peen hole" face)

Taylor isn't about to win an Oscar for triumphing as Lady Macbeth anytime soon, but that's why she almost nailed Kristen Stewart as Bella. Well, in order to completely perfect her impersonation of Bella, Taylor would've needed to get a lobotomy with a cardboard box, but she still mastered Kristen's lip chewing and hair tucking. For real, how is it possible that Kristen's lip doesn't look like it just finished a make-out session with piranha.

And Kanye West wasn't able to let go of his CAPS LOCK key long enough to make a cameo last night, but he did come up in Taylor's opening monologue song. Here's that shit below: