Hot Slut of the Day

Marc Summers - Host of Nickelodeon's greatest show ever Double Dare. Marc now hosts Unwrapped on The Food Network, which always makes me thinks of condoms and lube when I read the title. And more importantly, Marc is now a proud member of the silver fox(?) club:

Klee Irwin - The master of the bowel movement and creator of the Dual Action Cleanse. You might have seen some of Klee's infomercials for the Dual Action Cleanse, a product he developed to help bitches rid themselves of pounds of caca. Klee, who kind of looks like John Waters' long-lost conjoined twin dipped in foundation and hair gel, isn't afraid to talk about all things SHIT. You don't really need to buy the Dual Action Cleanse, because just a few moment with Klee will get your bowels barfing. That's a compliment (no, it isn't).

If you don't know what I'm talking about, then watch the clip below of Klee (I can't with that name) talking about his 4-year-old daughter's doody situation.

P.S. - The sight of the ravishing blonde goddess wearing the 80s dreamcoat made my bowels take a moment of silence for a quick minute.

Chef Blythe Beck from Oxygen's The Naughty Chef - The reality shit show followed Chef Blythe as she cooks, bitches and eats her way through Dallas. Reader Rosina, who nominated Chef Blythe for HSOTD, had this to say about her ass: "This bitch needs to be Hot Slut of the Day. She is shaped like a square, swears like a sailor, and has the voice of a truck stop hooker that has smoked 3 packs a day for 30 years." So basically she's Miley Cyrus in 20 years?

Below is a clip of The Naughty Chef in action. If there's some wood in your house that needs sanding, put it near your speaker and Chef Blythe's sandpaper voice will smooth it out!

Shambo from Survivor - Shambo's government name is Shannon, but she is so hardcore just like Rambo, so she put the two together and came up with SHAMBO! She got the name when she was in the military (DUH). If you don't believe that Shambo is as badass as a Chuck Norris fact, just gaze upon her mushroom mullet! You don't EVER rumble with a butchie in a mullet. You let her eat your coochie until you go raw, but you don't mess with her. Seriously, you know Shambo munches on snatch like KFed at a Las Vegas buffet. My no-no is quivering just thinking about it.

All the dumb "90210 kids" (as Shambo calls them) from her tribe don't like her ass, but they are obviously just jealous of her awesome hair. So am I!

Tengobaila (aka Diana Campanella) - For those of you who have given your mother a webcam as a gift, this is what she's using it for! She's using it to DANCE FOR HER LIFE and upload it onto YouTube. Diana Campanella is seriously the dancer of all of our lives. She has uploaded hundreds of videos on her YouTube channeling featuring her hot moves, cold stares, outfits ripped from the 90s section of the Salvation Army and high-octane GLAMOUR. Tell your boss to eat a dick and spend the entire day watching her kick, stretch and KICK! Well, do that after you run to your mother's house and confiscate her web cam.

Diana chooses the best music to shake her shit to. It's like my personal jukebox in heaven. I mean, Let The Music Play, Point of No Return, Rico Suave, etc...etc.... We know who's been buying those 90s music compilations you see in the infomercials. And thank GOD she did.

I've seen a zillion Michael Jackson tributes, but Diana's (see above) has to be the absolute greatest. And below is Diana thrusting it to "I'm Too Sexy" in an outfit she snatched directly from the fashion show on Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter's Dead.

VIA Urlesque

Mr. Bumble - The fat skunk of the UK who is built like KFed! Mr. Bumble is not only a hot slut because I've never seen a fatty fat fat skunk before, but he also has a special place in my cholesterol-filled no-heart for being addicted to bacon and butter sandwiches! If I was a fat skunk (which I practically am), I'd only eat bacon and butter sandwiches too.

Unfortunately, Mr. Bumble has been told he needs to put the bacon down. Mr. Bumble's previous owner passed him over to animal protective services when they realized he was getting too fat and they couldn't take care of him (aka cheap fucks wanted to stop buying the bacon). Mr. Bumble is now living at an animal park where they don't even let him sniff bacon, let alone let him eat it. SAAADS!

Mr. Bumble, who weighs 14lbs, has to lose 5 or 6lbs.

The owner of the animal park told the BBC, "We're now working on dieting him down to what he should be. Clearly bacon butties are not a normal part of a skunk's diet in the wild. We're putting him on the vegetarian option at the moment. It's very much like a human weight watching issue."

Now, I'm not a doctor, but my Sims is, so I can say with complete confidence that this is obviously just a thyroid problem. Eating greens and melon isn't going to do anything. In fact, it will most likely have the opposite effect. That's why they should give Mr. Bumble his bacon back (I don't mean that).

Melendy Britt - Last month, I wrote about a very important figure in my childhood: Catra from She-Ra. Well, if it wasn't for Melendy Britt, Catra the cartoon would never ever exist! Melendy was the voice of Catra as well as the voice of She-Ra, Princess Adora, Madam Razz, Mermista and Princess Aura from Flash Gordon. Basically, Melendy's voice helped raise me in the 80s.

On top of all that, she was in one episode of the amazing Falcon Crest. BOOM! There you go.

Kitten Kay Sera & Kisses (aka KKK) - You might have seen Kitten Kay and her dog Kisses on The Dog Whisperer or a dozen other shows. For the past 25 years, Kitten Kay has only worn the color pink. Throw the color black on her ass and she'll turn into a pile of melted down cotton candy. Speaking of cotton candy, do you think her lady bush looks like cotton candy? Anyway, Kitten Kay has dragged her dog Kisses into her all-pink world. She regularly dyes Kisses the color pink to match her.

Below is a short clip of Kitten Kay and Kisses singing "The Pepto -Bismol" song. You know, I think this is what it looks like inside Clay Gayken's pink hole. Exactly like this.

(For Saoirse)

Detective Julie Bower, the star of TLC's Police Women of Broward County and the hair artiste responsible for that luscious "cocker spaniel going to the trailer park prom" hair. That's a compliment. Det. Bower exclusively works on missing person and sex crime cases. There's been a few episodes where she has to go undercover as a prostitution whore to catch tricks trying to pay for pussay. Det. Julie's sexy straw cloud of peroxide always seduce the johns in. I mean, who would ever turn down the chance to spend a little time with those wings of desire? Not me. And not you.

Cliff Richard - British musical legend and the reason why my nipples holes have closed up this morning! If you skip on over to Cliff's website, you'll know what I'm talking about it. It's like I sashayed into a unicorn palace filled with rainbows and crystal bubbles.

As a songstress, Cliff has sold hundreds of millions of records. He has also had a #1 in the UK for five consecutive decades starting in the 1950s. Cliff is a lifelong bachelor and some say he loves a little peen in his honey buns, but he's never admitted it.

And Cliff is cheesier than Barry Manilow's cock fromage. That's a compliment.

(For Kate)