This Tag For Taylors Only

A river of popped cherry juice and panty pudding flowed through the streets of Westwood, CA last night during the New Moon premiere. If you live in the area, you might have been wondering why your cats were howling and your dogs were meowing. Well, now you know.

You know what bothers me about kids today? They have no RESPECT for the English language. For instance, look at how that girl in the picture above completely butchered a gorgeous curse word. How do we expect our youth to be the leaders of tomorrow if they can't even curse right? I mean, what the hell is a SHIZNIT? That sounds like something you'd find on the tip of a dick after messy butt sex.

Anyway, here's some pictures from last night's premiere. Some hos were obviously only there for the free photo-op. They are: Shar Jackson, Mary Murphy, 50 Cent, Richie Sambora (with his daughter) and JLove with that Jamie Kennedy dude.

Also at the premiere were Joan Jett (to hold Kristen Stewart's "hand"), one of the wolfies, that hot piece from Glee, the Glee kids, Stephanie Meyer (the bitch responsible for all of this), a homeless man in a fancy suit, Dakota Fanning, Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner.

17-year-old Taylor Lautner took 19-year-old Taylor Swift (couple name: TATAS) out for steaks at Ruth's Chris in Los Angeles. My issue of BOP (Fuck, I'm old and crotchety) has expired, so I'm not sure how long these two have been holding hands and kissing ON THE CHEEK ONLY. We're watching you, Swifty! If your hand heads for the "off-limits petting zoo", Chris Hansen is going to tap you on the shoulder.

Some of your asses might think it's a little weird sharing the same name as your fuck buddy (or in Taylor's case, her steak-eating buddy), but it's not. My name is as common as a leaky titty, so I'm speaking from experience. It's not like you ever call your full-time ho by their government name anyway. You usually address them with: "Yeah You" or "Whip It Out."