Fergie

Fuggie Fug was making her way out of Waverly Inn in NYC last night when she went doooown. It's a good thing she didn't land flat on her meth face. That's my favorite feature on her. Clumsy ho is right!

Seriously, that picture of her ankle doing the Exorcist is going to give me nightmares.

TMZ has video of Fuggie going down, if you care.

If you haven't heard Fuggie Fug's song for the "Sex & the City" movie, consider yourself one of the lucky ones. If caca had a theme song, this would be it. I think listening to this song turned my allergies into leprosy. I don't know what's fucking worse? The lyrics, the music or her voice.

The SATC bitches should have saved their pennies and released this Fergie classic instead:

Don't ask me about the clown. I think he was a child toucher. Kids Inc. dealt with the real issues.

My legs couldn't take it. We need to leave the tye-dyed jeans back in the late 90s where they belong. I would rather wear pastel surfer pants than this. Shit, I'd rather wear neon shoe lace gladiator sandals than this crap. Only Donatella Versace is allowed to wear tacky shit like this. Miami mafia wife is not a good look.

Maybe those jeans didn't start out that way. Fuggie's toxic meth piss probably bleached them.

Here's Fuggie with some agent type dude on Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills yesterday.

Everyone loves Heart. EVERYONE! If you say you don't, you're lying. Last night on Idols Give Back, Heart performed Barracuda and instead of leaving it at that, Fergie had to come out and ruin it. At least she wore rubber pants. Piss-proof. Seriously, Fergie came out, did a cartwheel and tried to take the shine off of Heart. I soooo wanted Ann just to flick Fergie with her big toe. Ann is a big beautiful woman, so Fergie and her uncontrollable bladder would have went flying into Gaycrest's lap. He would have screamed like a little girl and beat her with his butt plug.

Fuggie Fug and Quentin Tarantino threw a joint Birthday party for themselves at The Mirage in Las Vegas last night. Now this is a couple I can back up! Fuggie needs to dump pretty boy Josh and hook up with the concentrated fugness known as Quentin Tarantino. Their fugness was meant to be joined as one.

Guests included Kid Rock, Vivie, Daryl Hannah, Josh Duhamel and some other dumb skanks.

Kid Rock bought Fuggie some sort of hot dog machine for her Birfday. She told UsWeekly, “You put the bun on one side, and you put the hot dog in the little hot dog holes, and it pops out of the toaster in about a minute, and your hot dogs are ready to go." But can it fix her face?

Wait....Vivie Fox, Daryl Hannah AND Vivica Fox in one room together. I hope they kept the number of candles to a minimum. Too much heat and that joint would've been hit with a melted, plastic tsunami.

Fuggie Fug is celebrating the big 33 today. She started the celebrations early last night by dining with her man at Katsuya. Fuggie kept showing off her engagement ring like it was the cure for cancer. We get it Fuggie! You're the luckiest methface alive. Put the ring away and go put some night cream on your mug, it looks haggard. She probably did put some night cream on her face and by "night cream" I mean Duhamel spooge. How depressing. Methfaces always get the hot dudes.

And we're off! It's time for those Fuggie Fug pregnancy rumors again. Fuggie looked a little wide in the face and belly as she left a sushi joint with Josh Duhamel last night. Just because she was at a sushi joint doesn't mean she was having sushi. I know pregnant chicks aren't supposed to eat raw fish. I order chicken teriyaki at sushi restaurants all the time. The waiter usually looks at me like he wants slap me. He probably puts his eye boogers in my meal. It still tastes delicious, so I do not care.

Everybody's getting pregnant nowadays, so why not Fuggie? It's the thing to do. I'll light a candle tonight and pray baby doesn't get her methface.

From meth bumps to baby bumps. Our little Fuggie is growing up.

There may be a real Meth Baby Alert!!! Fergie might be knocked up. Page Six reports that Fergie has moved up her wedding date to Josh Duhamel, because there's an 8-ball in oven.

A source said, "She picked up a wedding dress while she was in New York for Fashion Week and wants to move the wedding up so she is married before the bump becomes too obvious." The rumor is that she will be married in the next two months.

Can you imagine this ho being knocked up? She has a weak ass bladder as it is! She will be a piss fountain! Splish splash everywhere. I hope Spanx makes diapers, because that's what this chick is going to need. She will be worse than those "squirter" chicks who have super soakers in their coochies. Oh shit. Let's not talk about "squirters." It's way too early to be discussing extreme female ejaculation.

UPDATE: Fergie's mommy called into Ryan Seacrest's show on KIIS-FM and denied Fergie was pregnant or getting married early.

Image: Wireimage

Harsh lighting go away! Fergie should know better. She should carry around a spotlight for situations like this. She does a lot better with bright, white light shining her face. It washes the meth out. Marc too! I was watching clips from that Marc Jacobs & Louis Vuitton movie shit and I really miss dorky, homely, long-haired, bespectacled Marc Jacobs.

Here's Fergie looking like she's trying out for a role in the Valley of the Dolls remake with Marc Jacobs at his show last night. Here's also Fergie's M.A.C. Viva Glam ad. Did Photoshop Version 3000 already come out, because she doesn't look completely tragic here.

Wireimage, Splash, USA Today

Above is a picture of Eva Green, Posh and Little Nellie from Little House on the Prairie. The three of them are on Mr. Blackwell's 48th Annual Worst-Dressed list. That old bat needs to give it up. Eva Green?! He's fucking lost it. If I was a woman....ok, if I was a biological woman I'd dress exactly like Eva. She is the most glamorous woman in the world. She should be on the best list and she should be the only one on that list. Mr. Blackwell forgot to put himself on his own list, because he's looking beat! He also included Little Nellie which is totally bizarre, but whatever. It's his party. Here's his list:

10.) Alison Arngrim: "Little Nellie of the prairie, looks like a 1940's fashion editor for the Farmers Almanac."

9.) Lindsay Lohan: "Lindsay the fashion frenzy strikes again! Lohan takes fashion to a new low."

8.) Jessica Simpson: "Forget the Cowboys. In prom queen screams, can it get any worse? She's a global fashion curse!"

7.) Avril Lavigne: "Gothic make-up courtesy the mad spatula-Fashions provided by.. The house of Dracula!"

6.) Eva Green: "Stuck in neon nightmares not fit for the sane. Fashion this loud could give Bond a migraine! A profusion of confusion from toes to nose!"

5.) Kelly Clarkson: "Her heavenly voice soars above the rest... but those belly-baring bombs are hellish at best! She may be the queen of 'Pro-Active' – but that wardrobe looks downright radioactive!"

4.) Fergie: "Another style-free 'Fergie' in fashion's hall of shame? Yes, when it comes to couture chaos, guess it's all in a name!"

3.) Mary Kate Olsen: "YIKES! In layers of cut-rate kitsch, Mary Kate's look is hard to explain... she resembles a tattered toothpick-trapped in a hurricane!"

2.) Amy Winehouse: "Exploding beehives above…tacky polka-dots below... she's part 50's car-hop horror."

1.) Victoria Beckham: "Forget the fashion spice - wearing a skirt would suffice! In one skinny-mini monstrosity after another, pouty posh can really wreck-em."

Last year's #1 loser, Britney Spears, was left off his list, because he said she needs a break. Isn't that nice of him. But EVA GREEN?! If you ask me most of the women on his worst-dressed belong on his best. At least they take chances. His best-dressed list is filled with bores like Reese Witherspoon, Nicole Kidman, Angelina Jolie, Katie Holmes, Beyonce, Helen Mirren, Katherine Heigl and some other hags.

EVA GREEN?!

Source: UsWeekly