Jonathan Rhys Meyers

Robert Pattinson showed up to the BAFTAs in London last night looking like he accidentally grabbed the lube bottle instead of the bottle of Dep gel. We've all made that mistake before (just nod like you mean it), but this is absolutely dreadful. It's like his scalp is crying greasy hair tears. Maybe this is the result of his allergic reaction to vaginas. I mean, James Cameron was there.

RPattz could've at least thrown a Bumpit in there for a little height. The sparkle vamp isn't the same unless he looks like he just chewed on a live wire. Hopefully, this is just a one-time fuck up and the unicorns will be back soon to frolic. Moving on...

Everyone seems to think that the big surprise of the BAFTAs was that The Hurt Locker won a bunch of shit. But to me, the biggest surprise was that Kristen Stewart actually won something, and it wasn't for Best Impersonation of a Cardboard Cutout.

Here's some of the winners last night, click here for a full list.

Best Film: The Hurt Locker
Outstanding British Film: Fish Tank
Best Director: Kathryn Bigelow, The Hurt Locker
Best Original Screenplay: Mark Boal, The Hurt Locker
Best Adapted Screenplay: Jason Reitman & Sheldon Turner, Up In The Air
Best Actor: Colin Firth, A Single Man
Best Actress: Carey Mulligan, An Education
Best Supporting Actor: Chrisoph Waltz, Inglourious Basterds
Best Supporting Actress: Mo'Nique, Precious
Rising Star: Kristen Stewart

And here's a few pictures of the winners, losers and those who were just there for a free gift bag. They are: RPattz, Carey Mulligan, Colin Firth with his wife Livia, Gabourey Sidibe, Guy Pearce, two late-in-life lesbians in love, Jonathan Rhys-Meyers with his girlfriend Reena, Kate Winslet, Clive Owen with Kathryn Bigelow, Kristen Stewart, Matt Dillon, Loki's true soulmate with his fiance Elena, Prince Willy and Tom Ford.

Jonathan Rhys Meyers, who plays King Henry VIII on The Tudors, says that Henry was not really the mega manwhore everyone thinks he was. According to JRM, you can get fucky with at least 20 people before you're considered a ho fo sho.

He explained, “In The Tudors I’ve only slept with like 22 people. In The Tudors I’ve only slept with like 22 people,” he said. “Which is not bad because if I go out in London on a Saturday night and I say to some handsome young dude or some handsome young girl that’s standing in the club: ‘How many people have you slept with this year’? ‘Er about 50′. So it’s not so much. Henry was much more prudish in history than we portray him in The Tudors. But sex happened and sex was very much a matter of state then."

I'll co-sign everything JRM said. Back then, you spent your days stabbing bitches, eating turkey legs (I've been to Medieval Times) and sexing on hos, so 22 people is nothing. Shit, even today 22 dicks is considered pilgrim-ish. Hardcore sluts go through 22 different genitals in one week! If you're Parasite Hilton, your Venus Peen Snatch swallows up 22 wangs while walking down the block.

And let's not get into telling each other how many sex partners we've had. It's just a number! Besides, I don't think the type of math needed to figure out that number has been invented yet.

VIA Showbiz Spy