Buying Children

Vadge, Rocco, Lourdes, David and her gang of nannies, assistants and gays arrived in London yesterday to prepare for the arrival of the newest member of the family: Mercy. According to UsWeekly, Mercy popped into London this morning after leaving her native Malawi last night. Vadge sent a private jet, a nanny, a child nurse and one of her assistants to pick up her newest baby friend.

I know you're casting a judgmental gaze upon Vadge for not going to Africa to pick up her own daughter, but don't! First of all, at least Vadge didn't send Mercy by FedEx like I thought she would. Second of all, Mercy probably told Vadge that she'll meet her in London. That way Mercy can easily sneak a few cocktails in on the plane before coming face to face with her new mother. Homegirl knows what she's in for.

P.S. - That precious poodle in the pink shorts is giving me fevah!

After eating their breakfast of deep fried money, three judges in Malawi shuffled into court this morning and granted Vadge's adoption of 3-year-old Mercy. As you know, they originally shut down Vadge, because she had not lived in the country for at least 18-months. She appealed and threatened to feed them to her roidy cooze monster, so they really had no choice. The mattress stuffed with money she sent them sealed the deal.

The judges also fingered Vadge's b-hole by saying she has improved the lives of the children in Malawi with her organization. And then gallons of roid smegma came gushing out of her flooding the upper part of Manhattan. Oh yeah, Vadge isn't even in Malawi. She's still in NYC! The baby snatcher has no plans to travel to Africa to pick up her trophy!

According to People, Vadge is going to send a private jet to pick up Mercy. I guess FedEx wouldn't pick up on the weekends.

That's that. Money talks and the baby walks!

Remember how Vadge was denied adopting little Mercy, because they said she needed to have lived in Malawi for at least 18-months? Well, that was all just a silly mistake, because suddenly three appeal judges have allowed the adoption to go through! The African baby snatcher WINS! Your child is NEXT!!!!

The Sun says that two judges have already turned in reports stating that the adoption should go ahead and the third judge is right there with them. They will announce their decision this Sunday in court. Vadge's lawyer already gave her the news.

The judges apparently agreed that the 18-month rule is "out of date." I wonder when it suddenly became out of date? Before or after the rhinestone-covered Bentley, solid gold toilet and suitcase of money arrived at their doorsteps?

Well, this is good news for Baby Jesus. Rocco and David always give him shade in the playroom, because he's the new bitch. At least he has someone to play with now.

The sad tale of Rubina Ali from Slumdog Millionaire getting sold to the highest bidder is over for now, because police in India have released her father. Rafiq Qureshi was brought in for questioning after Rubina's birth mother complained to the po po that he was trying to sell their daughter to a sheik for $300,000. A senior police officer in Mumbai told Reuters, "So far there is no evidence of any offense, hence there is no registration of complaint and no arrest." Translation: Rafiq is giving us a cut of the sale.

Rafiq blames the evil doers at The News of the World for trying to knock his ass down to sell papers. Rafiq told People it was all a "lie made up by foreign journalists playing games with me." The News of the World never released the video footage they supposedly have of a fake sheik and Rafiq discussing the sale of Rubina.

For Rubina's sake, I hope some mean ass whores were just trying to sabotage her daddy and he wasn't trying to pass her for a dime. Besides, if you're going to sell off your child wouldn't you immediately go to the two biggest buyers of babies in the world: Vadge and St. Angie? Duh.

Over the weekend, The News of the World ran a story about how they went undercover as a sheik to negotiate the sale of Rubina Ali, the adorable girl in Slumgdog Millionaire, with her daddy. After reading about this NOT RIGHT shit, Rubina's mother not only busted some ass, but she also reported it to the police. The cops in India immediately arrested Rubin's father, Rafiq Qureshi, and interrogated him for several hours. The Sun says the cops are now trying to get a hold of some recordings between the fake sheik and Rafiq and his brother, who were also working on the sale.

Rubin's mother said she heard about this craziness a couple of weeks ago, but didn't think Rafiq would go through with it. Rafiq still denies away that he was ever planning to sell Rubina, but he did confess to meeting with the sheik and his wife at a fancy hotel. Rafiq said, "I politely said Rubina is happy with me and wanted to leave. After this they made an offer of money in English which I did not understand. Then they requested me to leave her there overnight and take her in the morning. I refused and took Rubina away with me."

A friend of the family said Rubina thinks the whole thing is kind of hilarious and said to her daddy, "Father, how did you land in trouble - because of me?"

The producers of Slumdog Millionaire plan to visit Rubina next month. They are trying to get a hold of the family to see what actually went down.

You know, something in the milk ain't clean about this story. Rubina is a star in India, so why would her father try to sell off his future money maker? Maybe some shit got lost in translation? Lease, yes. Sell, why? White Oprah is scratching her coke hole over that one.

Well, here's a truly fucked up and sad story for a Sunday. The News of the World (I know, I know) claims that 9-year-old Rubina Ali, one of the stars of Slumdog Millionaire, has been put on the auction block by her daddy Rafiq Qureshi. OctoMommy, don't get any ideas.....

The News of the World got all Dateline NBC on Rafiq and sent an undercover reporter to pretend to be a sheik (Why am I picturing Ann Curry as the sheik?) interested in buying Rubina for around £270,000. They did this after finding out a deal between Rafiq and a family in Dubai to buy Rubina fell through.

Rafiq told the fake sheik that he has no choice but to sell his daughter, because the producers of Slumdog never made good on their promise to buy the family a house and get them out of the slums. Rafiq told the fake sheik, "They haven't looked after us. They gave some money at the start but they gave us nothing afterwards. They gave us around 150,000 rupees (£2,040). They've been talking about giving us a house, but all they do is talk. What they showed in the film is exactly how life is here. The government doesn't help us. We get nothing. We live in one room, seven of us sleep on the floor. I earn £2 to £3 a day. I have to consider what's best for me, my family and Rubina's future. We haven't got anything yet, it's all supposed to come later!"

Danny Boyle and the producers of Slumdog have already said that they set up a trust fund for the kids to pay for their education and housing. In addition to that, a sound engineer who worked on the film bought each of the kids an apartment in South India. But Rubina's daddy still claims they haven't seen shit.

After finding out about this fuckery, Rubina's mother showed up to Rafiq's house this morning and demanded that her daughter be removed. Rafiq denies trying to sell his daughter, but his second wife said a foreign woman offered to buy Rubina and they turned her down. This led to Rubina's mother and her stepmother punching and choking each other out in front of the house!!

Save the Children was quick to respond and asked India to sign up to to the International Labor Organization's convention to help stop the selling of children to the highest bidder.

And somewhere in the world, Angie Jolie is raising her hand and asking, "Does he accept PayPal?"

Sources: News of the World, Daily Mail, Times Online

Brace yourself and hold your breath, because the shit is about to go down in Malawi! Vadge is this fucking close to spreading her crotch and sucking the entire country up her roidy-cooze, because they actually said NO to her ass! She will destroy them!

Yes, a judge in Malawi denied her request to adopt baby Mercy! The judge said that he just couldn't let it happen, because Vadge does not have residency in Malawi. She needs to have lived in the country for at least 18 months. Vadge was able to adopt David in 2006 without having to live in Malawi. Bitch probably thought it was going to fly this time, but ho was wrong. Sit down and move over!

Vadge was expecting to take her newest purchase back to New York today, but the sale has been canceled!

A source told The Sun that Vadge was "splitting blood" (is that a roid side-effect) when the judge attacked Vadge for thinking that she can easily just come to their country and pick out any baby she wants, because she's hot shit. The ruling stated:

“Put simply courts do make law by the process of precedence and Miss Madonna may not be the only international person interested in adopting the so-called poor children of Malawi.

By removing the very safeguard that is supposed to protect our children the courts by their pronouncements could actively facilitate trafficking of children by some unscrupulous individuals who would take advantage of the weakness of the law of the land.

Anyone could come to Malawi and quickly arrange an adoption that might have grave consequences on the very children that the law seeks to protect.

“Having considered this then, at the end of the day I must decline to grant the application for the adoption of the infant CJ.

Vadge's lawyers have not said whether or not they are going to appeal, but you better believe this isn't over! Vadge will not be denied! She'll find a way to get back at them! Like maybe she'll make a sequel to Body of Evidence and only release it in Malawi. That would really ruin them.

But at least Baby Jesus has the crib all to himself now.

At the Oscars last month, Angie Jo had a little conversation with Azharuddin Mohammed, one of the kids from Slumdog Millionaire, and he asked her if she was ever planning to adopt a baby from India. After he asked that question, he gave her a wink, nudged her a bit, handed her some legal looking papers, changed into an all-black tunic outfit and then jumped into his new carrier (aka Brad's arms), because now that he was part of the holy family he wouldn't need to use his legs anymore. Walking is optional.

Angie had to knock him out of Brad's arms and tell him that she only buys fresh flesh! And then she finally answered his question by saying, “Well, I’ll let you into a little secret, we will soon.” That's what The Sun claims anyway.

Angie really isn't going to fucking stop until she has perfectly recreated The Small World ride at Disneyland using real kids! Only then will she settle into her water boat and smugly smile to herself while looking at all the little lives she thinks she single-handedly saved.

Vadge's former nanny, an Australian chick named Angela, is probably waking up this morning feeling like ten trillion dollars, because the roidy beast known as Vadge is finally off her back. Angela, who worked as David Banda's caretaker, quit that bitch last month, but Vadge wasn't going to let her have the last word! No! Vadge crawled out from the coffin she sleeps in and demanded that Angela take her Australian ass out of her house now!

A source spilled it to the Daily Mail, "All Madonna’s employees work incredibly long hours, so it’s no surprise that Angela had had enough. If you work for Madonna you are on call 24 hours a day, seven days a week. There’s no such thing as a weekend. The rumour is that Madonna was furious that Angela was leaving and dismissed her before she had the chance to complete her full notice. Angela was incredibly upset and very surprised because she had been told that Madonna is due to adopt a second baby from Malawi very soon."

In fact, the source says Vadge is sending one of her personal assistants to Malawi next month to "pick out a baby" and make sure all the document shit is in place. Yes, "pick out a baby." Not to be confused with "picking out a purse," but it's kind of the same thing.

Hey, Vadge is a busy monster. When she's not whipping Baby Jesuses with her leathery snatch lips, she's hunting for virgins to skin. She just doesn't have time to go all the way to Africa to buy her own baby. So she sends her assistant there who lines 'em all up, takes out pictures of Vadge in various outfits and decides who's going to look the best with their new owner. After that, she shows the kids a picture of The Crypt Keeper. The babies that don't burst into tears and beg for mercy make the final cut. It's kind of like America's Next Top Model, but instead of winning a Cover Girl contract, you win a life in Heeeeeeeeell.