Gerard Butler

If Gerard Slutler and HoHan are in a room together, you better believe that STD-infused saliva bombs will fly in a quick minute. So it's no surprise that the two reportedly made the free clinic proud by tongue fucking each other at the opening of the Mazagan Beach Resort in Morocco on Halloween.

Shortly after The Mirror spotted the two making out, HoHan apparently told them (for some reason), “He’s hot, he’s mine! I’ve got no ring on my finger so I’m gonna have lots of fun. This is the most romantic place in the world after all.” A few beats later, the two jumped in a golf cart and rode off to exchange genital germs in the night. Totally romantic.

Both Gerard and HoHan will fuck a toilet if it winked at them, so this was going to happen sooner or later. I'm sure that when the toxic fumes cleared, they both cleaned off their fuck parts with a fire extinguisher and went back out to hunt for their next victim.

And how much do you want to bet that they both tried to pick each other up the next night not realizing that they got it on the night before? Such is the life of a true slut. It happens to all of us.

Page Six is saying that the owner of one of the busiest peens in Hollywood, Gerard Butler, had a dinner date with the new Jennifer Aniston at SoHo House in NYC on Tuesday night. Gerry and Jessica Simpson weren't alone though. They were with friends including Jessica's full-time gay Ken Paves. A source said, "They were at a table with friends, but Jessica and Gerard, who sat next to each other, seemed to only be interested in each other and chatted for hours. They were laughing and flirting and eventually left together, along with Ken."

Chatted for hours?! I was under the impression that Jessica's brain shut down after 15-minutes of conversation to recharge. It's not like Gerry would notice anyway since he was probably too busy licking her boobies with his eyes. No, I think he was literally rubbing his eyes on her chesticles while she was in sleep mode.

It's very interesting that Gerry left the joint with Jessica AND Ken. Gerry has admitted that he's a fan of threesomes, so I'm guessing that Ken got a piece of Gerry's BUTTler too. Actually, Jessica probably sat in the corner eating her leftovers while Gerry gave Ken's hair some highlights with his jizz pen.

And since Gerry seems to be going through all of John Mayer's exes, Minka Kelly better warm her vagina up, because THE BUTLER is coming for her next!

The neverending shoot for The Bounty is finally FINALLY finally over and this has Jennifer Aniston WORRIED! Page Six says that even though both Jenny and Gerard Butler denied sexy business was going on between them, there was definitely something there. But now that Gerard Butler has left NYC with his pug Lolita, the always "lonely and miserable" Jenny is afraid the love will die. Uh oh, if Jenny has the sads, this means every Entenmann's cake in the Tri-State area will soon be gone. My ass better stock up today.

And I knew that Lolita was trouble! That homewrecking little slut bitch! I mean, her name is LOLITA. Lolita is the new St. Angie.

But seriously, Jenny should know that it's not her, it's Gerard Butler's peen. His heart may say "stay," but his dick will always say "mo' mo' vagina." It's the way of the manslut.

Possible Greyhound beater and overall manslut Gerard Butler still keeps it real whenever he goes back to Glasgow and he has his mom to thank for that. Gerry tells the NYDN that his mother is not impressed that he's making millions of dollars and tickling Jennifer Aniston's thirstay poon.

Gerry said, "I go home and they'll cook Christmas ­dinner, and she's like, ‘C'mon, give a hand, come on, wash the dishes or put the dishes away.' And I'm like, ‘Mom, I am a major Hollywood movie star, I can't be doing this. It's embarrassing.'" Gerry went to say that no matter how much he whines about his shit being made of sparkly gold he always ends up on his hands and knees, wiping her floor.

Gerry needs an abuelita in his life. Bitch wouldn't have even made it to the word "movie," because an abuelita would've cut his tongue out way before then and made menudo out of it.

And you know what's even more embarrassing than a major Hollywood movie star doing dishes? A major Hollywood movie star's mother not having a dishwasher and a Roomba!

Walking your dog in NYC is a dangerous game! Gerard Butler learned this the hard way when he was taking his pug Lolita (my gaydar went up a notch) out for a stroll in Long Island City, Queens on Monday night. Now, Gerard was walking his pug without a leash which someone should punch him in the crotch bone for (I'll volunteer). Dogs off the leash always strut up to my dog all bitchy-like, sniff at his private hole and whisper shit in his ear like, "Hahaha, bitch, I'm free and you're not. Come at me!" They totally say that shit. I can read it with my eyes.

So, like with all stories, there's two completely different sides to this one. Let's start with Gerard's:

Gerard claims that Lolita was minding her own business, walking the stroll, when a greyhound attacked her by biting her twice in the neck. Gerry immediately put Lolita on a leash and started to sashay away, but the greyhound (with his elderly owners) followed them. The greyground tried to snap at that bitch again, but Gerry blocked it. Basically, it sounds like a regular day at The Gosselins.

Gerry's rep told The New York Post that Lolita spent 4 hours at an animal hospital getting her shit together again. The rep added, "People are so mean. They're just trying to milk this."

And now for the other side:

The greyhound's owners, Fred and Maria Varecka, say that when Lolita and their dog simply touched noses, Gerry freaked out like Christian Bale on a movie set. Gerry kept shouting at them, "That dog should be put down!" When they tried to get away from him, Gerry followed them and kept shouting about how they should send their dog to the glue factory. Fred went on to say, "And he smacked the dog in the head. The dog's head went into the fence. I was shaking. The dog yelped. I said, 'Keep your hands off my dog! Why did you hit my dog?' He didn't say a word." When the couple called the cops, Gerry and Lolita (who are the new Bonnie & Clyde) busted out of there. The couple filed a report, but no citations were given. They also claim they aren't trying to get money out of Gerry.

So who to believe? Lolita the pug? Or Mayfair the greyhound? Those two just need to lick each other's asses and make-up. It's how I always handle a fight.

This story screams for the classic "Fuck You Guy" phone prank, so here it is:

Yes, that picture looks like Gerard Butler is sticking the tip in from the back. It has just become Jennifer Aniston's life screensaver. Moving on....

Is Maddox guest editing UsWeekly again, because they wrote up a post about how the loneliest living thing in the world will only date dudes with high Google rankings. If you haven't been on the cover of a tabloid in the past couple of weeks, Jenny isn't fucking with you and you'll never ever see her collection of Real Baby Dolls.

Some source close to Jenny said, "Jennifer won't date a normal guy. She goes after the hottest thing of the moment, what she knows will get her the most time in the spotlight."

Let's test this little accusation, shall we? In the past few years, Jenny has been linked to Gerry Butler, Bradley Cooper, John Mayer, Paul Sculfor and Vince Vaughn. Besides Paul, all of them are sort-of famous. But none of those dudes are really going to take Jennifer Aniston's fame to the next level. She has to date someone whose star shines brighter than hers.

That means she can only share candlelit dinners (at a popular restaurant so everyone can see) with the likes of: Spaghetti Cat or Keyboard Cat. Actually, I'm pretty sure Keyboard Cat doesn't date down, so Spaghetti Cat it is! Fuck Brangie! Hollywood's premiere IT couple is now SPAGANISTON!

And here's some pictures of one half of Spaganiston shooting with Gerry Butler in Queens, NY yesterday.

The rumors about Gerard Butler and Jennifer Aniston doing lovey dovey stuff together off-camera just won't die! Last month, Gerry shot down the whispers by saying he wasn't a chinny chaser. Or something. Well, now People is saying that Gerry and Jenny got all touchy with each other in NYC on Saturday night.

One source said that the big dudeslut and the eternal cat lady started out their night by having dinner at Freeman's on the Lower East Side. After they finished there, they farted on over to the lounge at The Jane Hotel where "witnesses" say they were "holding hands." What the witnesses didn't say is that both Jenny and Gerry's pr whores were on either side of them holding a pistol to their heads while screaming "HOLD HANDS NOW!" I mean, she has a movie coming out, he has a movie coming out, they are filming a movie together...it all works out!

I refuse to believe that a huge whore like Gerry holds hands in a bar. That's a little too sweet for his ass. Sluts don't hold hands, they hold genitals and tittays. So, all publicists involved need to hold a pow wow over a bong and try again.

Here's Gerry and Jenny on the neverending shoot for The Bounty in NYC today.

Papa Joe better update Jessica Simpson's resume and immediately forward it to Gerard Butler, because it sounds like the two could be perfectly happy together if she catches him in the right mood. Manwhore Gerard not only wants a woman with succulent breasteses, but it also sounds like he might want one with pork rinds for brains! Gerard said:

"Sometimes along the way in my life I don't want a smart woman right now, I want a dumb woman. But then you think, that doesn't work, now I want a smart woman. Then you get a smart woman and you go no, that doesn't work so it's just killing me right now."

Oh, Gerry. Sometimes he says dumb things (don't we all) and sometimes he says smart things (don't look at me). Wait......AND he also has a really really amazing rack. Maybe Gerry's soulmate is himself? Match made!

Source (Thanks Michelle)

Kelly Bensimon is here (*lifts up hand above head*) and Gerard Butler is across the fucking room, because he's trying to avoid her at all costs! Gatecrasher says Gerard, who was probably mixing his booze types that night, flirted with The Real Housewives of NYC's Kelly Bensimon at a party last June. Kelly thought she was going to get a piece of The Butler, because they exchanged numbers and everything. Well, Gerry never called. Cut to last week....

Gerry and Kelly were once again at the same party. A nosy ho said that while Gerry was laying his best moves down on Rose Byrne from Damages, Kelly tried to block him from the punani. The witness said, "Kelly blocked Gerard from speaking to Rose and was flirting up a storm - but he couldn't have seemed less interested."

Manwhore Gerry has admitted that he's a lover of chichis, so my guess is that he didn't know what to make of Kelly, because he couldn't locate her damn titties! Seriously, you need a compass and a prayer to find those things. One is heading for the vacation spot called her LOWER BACK and the other one seems to be stuck in her armit. Gerry got confused, because he didn't know if that was a fake breast or if her armpit burped.

Gerard Butler was attacked by a crazed horny fanlady outside of his hotel in London yesterday and he loved it. Gerry was probably hypnotized by her gorgeous cricket leg eyebrows! Or maybe her chichis, because Gerry loooves chichis. Gerry loves chichis so much that it gives him the sads that he can't tell you how beautiful your breastes are.

Gerry said, "We've taken something as simple as sexual attraction, something that's in our DNA, that's basic to society, and turned it into something complicated. We've made the rules we must abide by that make it difficult to connect with each other. If a woman has great breasts, I'd love to tell her so. But in polite society, you can't do that. Which is a shame."

Oh, Gerry. I'm not a woman (DON'T SAY IT) and my titties are only training-bra size, but you can compliment them anytime you want. You can even touch them, flick at them or slap them with your peen. My chesticles are your own personal Motel 6: open 24 hours and here for you! The woman below feels the same. Obvi.