Trash

The mixture of roids and peroxide has fried most of Hulk Hogan's brains including his filter, so that's why fucked up shit tends to come out of his mouth freely. In the new Rolling Stone (via Page Six), Hulk says that after seeing his estranged wife Linda Hogan fuck on a young piece of jerky, he understands why OJ went on a stabbing rampage. If the bandana don't fit, you must acquit!

Hulk said, "I could have turned everything into a crime scene, like OJ, cutting everybody's throat. You live half a mile from the 20,000-square-foot home you can't go to anymore, you're driving through downtown Clearwater and see a 19-year-old boy driving your Escalade, and you know that a 19-year-old boy is sleeping in your bed, with your wife . . . I totally understand OJ. I get it."

I'm sure Hulk's Brooke Hogan look-alike girlfriend is there to lick the tears of pain off of his erect clit nips. I know what Hulk is saying, but he's too stupid to word it the right way. I mean, what if Linda and her mantoy were out hiking in the hills and some coyote with blonde hair mauled them? The police would see two bloody bodies covered in raggedy blonde hair and point directly at Hulk!

Besides, if Hulk really wants to do harm to someone he doesn't need to stab them. Just make them watch Mr. Nanny.

How did the tranny frog get the reclusive gaysian unicorn known as Bobby Trendy to come to her stupid ass book party? It must have been an accident. Bobby was probably nearby when he heard his mating call: the click from a camera. It beckoned him to bring a little glamour to this overall fug affair. And I'm glad he did, because otherwise we wouldn't get to see how he reworked the vagina prom dress to make it work for him. Now the fat pink pussy on his chest matches the one on his ass. And is it just me or does Bobby kind of look like a ladyboy version of Phyllis Diller here?

That dumb bitch Kelly Taylor also came out when she should've stayed home with her head in a big bowl of VO5! Bitch's hair looks like Sarah Jessica Parker's next meal. That shit looks highly flammable. One flame is all it takes... Luckily, Jennie didn't stand anywhere near Bobby.

Here's the rest of the whores from last night's dreadful affair including, Kim Kardassian, Preparation H's arch rival Lisa Rinna, Creepy McDermott, Harry Hamlin and Rodney Stranger's twin sister Patti.

Phil Spector was just found guilty of second-degree murder in the murder of Lana Clarkson in 2003. Lana was found shot to death in Phil's home in Alhambra. Phil was tried for her murder in 2007, but the jury couldn't come up with a verdict. They did this time however and now Phil will have to find a way to cut his hair with a plastic spork in the big house. You know how he feels about his mop. Phil could get at least 18 years.

Ding, dong, the shaggedy-haired troll witch is finally getting his. Phil shouldn't be too weepy though. He's a shoo-in for Miss Inmate USA '09. His luscious locks will win him the top prize.

Source: LAist

The Grand Marshall of Assholes, Billy Bob Thornton, became dick bag of the week in Canada (and the world) after he forgot to take the tampon out of his asshole before a radio interview with CBC's Jian Ghomeshi. Click here to relive the douchery if your chosen fuck hole is feeling extra dirty today.

The night of the interview, Billy Bob and his stupid band opened for Willie Nelson in Toronto. They were welcomed with the sweet sound of booooooos. Mostly because during that pube-killing interview, Billy Bob called Canadians "mashed potatoes with no gravy." Billy Bob later tried to play it off like he didn't mean all Canadians, just Jian. Billy didn't appreciate Jian bringing up his stupid movie career when he was specifically told not to. Blah. Caca. Who cares.

It was too fucking late for Billy Bob's hollow explanations anyway. The lame goat already fucked himself. And he got ass fucked again by a symphony boos. Just call him Billy BOOOO Thornton.

The boos must have made Billy Bob cry into his soggy peen all night, because his band canceled the rest of their Canadian dates. They were supposed to play Montreal and London, but the shows will not go on. Their spokesbitch insists it isn't because Billy Bob got his ass booed. They issued this statement: "It is absolutely not because of the CBC interview. One of the band members and several of the crew have the flu and need a couple of days off to recuperate. Billy does not have the flu. The band is only concerned about giving the audience the best show possible, and when one of them is down with the flu, they can't do that. As Billy said before and during the show last night, he loves Canada."

If booing his fugly ass is all it takes for Billy Bob to quit a country, then I say we all should pucker up our lips and serenade him with BOOOOOOS! Bitch will be chased out of every country and eventually end up living in a cave in Antarctica or some shit. It won't take long before the penguins will find his ass and they will find a way to boo through their beaks. Let's boo him off this fucking planet.

And someone really needs to ask Billy Bob if Tom Petty would cancel shows after getting booed? What would Tom Petty do?

Source: The Star

GOOP is not only good for laughs, but if you're really constipated it will bring on the runs in a major way. Fishsticks Patrow's latest ODE TO ME newsletter is all about her fashion picks of the season. Yeah, I can hear your ass rumbling from here. It's ready to barf. Read a piece of this shit:

First of all, I never know what to wear in Los Angeles (are those pajamas??) and inexplicably, I am always freezing here. Having had a good look through the spring collections, I don’t think it’s necessary to make any sweeping changes. They are still selling gladiators that are almost identical to the ones I got last spring and there hasn’t been any major shift in silhouettes. I am going to stick with the classics and update a few simple pieces that are easy to wear.

Don't stick to the classics, stick a fist in your mouth instead, Fishy!

Fishy goes on to show a bunch of ugly and boring shit from a Burberry dress to some stuff from TopShop. She only posted the TopShop shit for the little people. You know she doesn't even pick off her own toejam in that crap. Click here to see all of Fishy's choices.

Fishy also cleaned out her own closet and decided to put some of her throwaways on eBay. The proceeds from the auction will go to The Robin Hood Foundation. Fishy, being the dumbass that she is, fucked up the link to the auction and still hasn't fixed it. Click here to see that shit on eBay.

If you buy any of her crap, make sure you dip that shit in hot water mixed with a strong antibacterial soup before wearing. Pretentiousness might be contagious.

Asshole Simpson had a sad face in her heart when she had to leave her husband to go back home and take care of Bronx Mowgli. Ass was with Pete Wentz for a few of his shows, but couldn't go with him to Las Vegas. Asshole let her out sadness through Twitter, "I am beyond sad to leave my love... My heart is breaking as we drive home. I need my hubs."

Meanwhile in a hotel room in Vegas, Petey was bumping vaginas with a bunch of hos. After a Fall Out Boy concert at the Palms Casino on April 5th, Pete partied with 50 skanks including his band members, a few dancers and his friends. Some ho who was there told Star Magazine, "Everybody was going absolutely crazy. People were even drunkenly playing makeshift Slip 'n' Slide with a mat and lubricant. And Pete was in great spirits. He was dancing and singing along to his band's own songs, grinding up against the dancers."

Lube 'n' Slide? That sounds like something Tommy Girl scoots his ass over in between butt fucks during a Scientolo-orgy.

You know, Asshole was just putting on an act with her Twitter post. Bitch was probably relieved that Pete wasn't at home, locked in the bathroom, using her flat iron to straighten his pubes out and using her eyeliner to paint lipstick on his peen hole.

Although, looking at these pictures of him with hos probably made her a little weepy. I mean, Pete can't grind on Ass like that without busting into a giggle fit. It's still a miracle that Ass got pregnant since I doubt his ladyfinger ever went into her flower garden. Pete must have just busted one on the toilet seat and forgot to clean it up. Ass didn't notice it when she went to make a pee....VOILA! Baby!

Peaches Geldof was being her usual useless self at Bungalow 8 in London last night when she got into a little tiff with some douche bag over a pair of shoes. Peaches thought his shoes belonged to her friend when they actually belonged to his friend. Shoes: It's what cokey twats fight over.

Some bitch who was there tells The Sun that Peaches and the dude fought for a while, but then went back to their own corners. Peaches thought it was over, but then the dude came over and poured his beer all over her head. SCORE 1 for the dude! Cue Tiffany from Top Model: "Bitch poured beer on my weave!"

The dude then apparently threw the beer glass against the wall and ran for it. Peaches' friend, Fifi (THESE FUCKING NAMES), ran after the dude. For some really stupid reason, the police arrived to question all parties involved. Peaches didn't want to press charges, so the police left 45 minutes later. And that's where tax-paying dollars go!

The dude totally poured booze over Peaches' head, because he was just trying to speed up the fermentation process. It won't be long before Peaches is nothing but a puddle of rancid alcohol on the floor.

And Peaches should really send the beer thrower a thank you note, because he probably killed some maggots that were living in her weave.

So it looks like Blohan is off the snatch which means every peen in Hollywood should be crawling up in between its owner's ass cheeks to keep safe. Blohan might be back on the prowl after SamRo quit her crazy ass for good. SamRo really means it this time you guys, because she even changed the locks on her front door and everything!!!! Yeah, this must be SamRo's first time dealing with a lunatic with nothing else better to do than find ways to break in. Changing the locks won't do shit!! Blohan will squeeze her skanky bony ass through the air conditioning ducts if she really wants in.

Obviously, she didn't, because she took her ass to the Chateau Marmont, where I'm pretty sure you can order the bad shit through room service. Blo was photographed there yesterday with The Curious Case of Ali Lohan and White Oprah. Oh, of course White Oprah was there. Blohan had a case of the lezzie sads and nothing makes her feel better like a bowl of her mom's home-cooked Xanax soup. The paparazzi also caught Blo giving me a case of deja vu while riding up to her hotel early this morning.

At this point, some whore just needs to leave a trail of coke from the Chateau Marmont to Casa de Cheeto, so Daddy Spears can sort her the fuck out with his cheese grits. Because if some shit doesn't happen, Blohan is going to go "shave your head" crazy. Although, the bitch kind of needs to shave her head since that weave is looking like something Kim Zolciak's wig queefed out.

If you watch So You Think You Can Dance?, then you know one of the show's choreographers Alex Da Silva. Well, you don't know him THAT well since I'm sure you never thought this motherfucker has rapey hands. Allegedly. The LAPD threw Alex into a jail cell after four of his dance students came forward claiming he had sexually assaulted them between May 2003 and March of this year.

The four women said Alex lured them back to his house in North Hollywood, tricked them into going into his bedroom and then raped them. The LAPD also said they think there's other victims out there.

Alex was arrested on Saturday and is currently marinating his sick ass in a cell on $3.8 million.

You can't trust a bitch with fugly eyebrows who teaches salsa dancing on reality TV. This is so fucking random and gross. I feel like I should burst into one of Mary Murphy's signature screeches of terror.

Source: Associated Press

Throw it back into the fucking sea! I never thought I'd ever ever write this, but I'd rather share a McNuggetini with Lady GaGa's droopy cooch than look at this herp-crusted piece of rotten Mahi Mahi. That's how much this wonky skankwhoreslutbitch makes the caca boil up into my throat. It probably tastes better than her toxic chocha juices. And is that a piece of lattice fence she's wearing?! Extreme WHORE Makeover!

On a positive note, at least those glasses cover up her busted wonky eye! However, Geordi La Forge called and said Wonky can keep those things. The CDC already warned him.