Bradley Cooper

For the past few weeks, Bradley Cooper has been linked to Squinty, Denise Richards and Jennifer Aniston. Well, in the battle of the beards, it looks like Squinty has won out for now! The two pretended to be all slick-like when they got on a flight from JFK to Barcelona the other day. The paps say Squinty and Bradley went through security separately, but ended up getting on the same plane together.

The voices in my inbox tell me that Bradley gets thirsty for the peen every now and again, but I've never seen photographic proof. If you have it, send it my way, because I'm running low in the porn department. But if the rumors are true, then he picked a perfectly capable beard. And if they aren't true, well then what the hell is doing with Squinty?! I'm joking. Dating Squinty has its advantages. She's probably fun at parties and I'm sure she always has the best of the bad shit.

Last night in NYC, Bradley Cooper and Squinty Lemonface ate food together (Well, Squinty probably just stared at the food) at a restaurant called Antonucci. The two star in a movie together, but OK! Magazine says they weren't just acting like co-workers. Some nosy bitch who was watching their every move from behind a potted plant (Translation: Aniston) said, "He pulled her chair out for her when she sat down and he kissed her on the hand. If they're just friends, they were being awfully affectionate! At one point, he seemed to want to whisper something to her as if it were a secret. He spoke into her ear and then they both started giggling."

B.Coop probably told Squinty not to look over, because Jennifer Aniston was hiding under the table next to them gritting her teeth and snarling. He warned Squinty that if they made even the slight move, Jenny would throw her ovaries at them or attack his crotch with a baster.

Noooo! B.Coop recently said that he was just friends with Jenny and that they never got romantical. So he's free to romance Squinty without feeling the wrath of The Aniston!

But B.Coop really doesn't need to be spending his time having dinner with bowls of lukewarm oatmeal. He needs to spend his time soaking in a hot bath filled with Ajax. Dude is looking greasy-ish to the max. Is the new thing in Hollywood to have hair like Tommy Girl's lube-drenched taint bush?

And Squinty is so *dramatic* when it comes to hailing a cab. This isn't a Hitchcock movie or a Chico's commercial, bitch!

The gossip around these parts is that Jennifer Aniston and Bradley Cooper went out on a couple (or more) dates together. The tabloids hailed them as the second coming of Jen & Brad. Well, if they were touching nipples in the morning, it doesn't sound like they are anymore.

At the Louis Vuitton show in Paris yesterday, Brad talked a little bit about the noise going around that he's boning Jenny. And he did it in FRENCH. Swoo-ooon. My no-no just queefed in a French accent.

Brad said, "She's a friend of mine. Simply, simply, just a friend. In America, its not like it is here. She's someone who is super, super known. Famous. If someone says 'hello' to her, it's given that he's fallen in love with her. So, no. No. She's a very, very interesting woman, but she's simply a friend."

A "very interesting woman"? That's like when a one-night-fuck says to you afterwards, "That was fun." That's my cue to stroll to his bathroom, wipe my freshly sexed-up ass on his good towel, grab my clothes and proceed to do the walk of shame knowing that I messed up as a true slut. He's basically saying, "Your fuck game is weak!"

"A very interesting woman" either means: a) He got weirded out when Jenny told him they couldn't have sex until the following week because that's when her cycle started. b) She showed up to their second date in her dream wedding dress. c) The head was whack.

Source: People