Trash

The chick with the blonde HGTV hair above won some Mother's Day contest from Wonky and Nicky Hilton. The prize included a shopping spree with the praying mantis skanks and their mother. I hope the woman got all her shots. I would have cashed out that prize and spent it on dinner at Hometown Buffet. If I'm going to catch salmonella, I might as well get it from delicious fried chicken than from Wonky's skank fumes.

David Archuleta's crazy stage daddy from hell, Jeff Archuleta, has reportedly been banned from rehearsals for "American Idol." TMZ claims that everyone including producers, contestants, the band and the vocal coaches have had it with him.

The straw that broke the Mormon's back came this past week when Jeff wanted to change the lyrics of David's first song "Stand By Me." Jeff wanted David to throw in a verse from Sean Kingston's "Beautiful Girls." The producers denied his crazy ass. Well, David sang it anyway. This created a major problem with the song's publisher and Idol had to pay up.

Lawyers told Jeff that he was banned from all rehearsal rooms. He can attend the live show, but can't go backstage. TMZ also claims Jeff was banned from "Star Search" a few years back when David was a contestant on that show.

No wonder the judges get all wet for David! Jeff probably threatened to flush all of Paula's happy pills down the toilet if she didn't proclaim that his son is the second coming. Paula has no choice!

Seriously, if David Archuleta doesn't win, his face is going to end up on a milk carton. I'm voting for David Cook. Well, I want to see Jeff Archuleta storm the stage and take everyone hostage. Those Mormons can get crazy!

Just when I thought that I've heard it all, comes this story out of Houston. If you're eating, you might want to skip this story and head on over to CuteOverload.com instead.

Three Kingwood teens have been arrested and accused of digging up a secluded grave and removing a skull in Humble, a city north of Houston.

Kevin Wade Jones, 17, and Matthew Richard Gonzalez, 17, both of Kingwood, told Houston police that around March 15 they and a 16-year old juvenile dug up a grave, removed the skull from the coffin and converted it into a "bong," a device used to smoke marijuana, according to court documents.

Houston police believe the teens disturbed the grave of an 11-year-old boy who died in 1921.

All the more reason to be cremated. Don't blame weed for this shit either. Blame stupidity. That being said, I'll believe it when I see it. Scratch that, I don't ever want to see that. EVER.

Visit The Houston Chronicle for all the gory details.

Thanks Jennifer and all the other that sent them to me. You're all sick nasty fucks!

In the past, I've joked about HoHan looking like a middle-aged former stripper turned Reno, NV cocktail waitress. These pictures of her last night fulfill that description perfectly. She's even wearing her uniform!

The phrase "rode hard and put away wet" doesn't even come close to describing this chick! You can use her skin to smooth out all the splinters on your backyard bench. That shit is rough. You put a drop of lotion on her skin and it will disintegrate like it hit a hot pan.

Here's HoHan at the launch of LG's Scarlet HD TV series. She probably only showed up for the open bar.

This right here sums up why many countries hate America. Heidi and Spencer could definitely be the poster children of the "Hate America" campaign. They are totally living the American dream. Only in America can two dumb whores with the combined IQ of a dirty tampon become rich and famous. Well, two dumb whores can become rich and famous in the UK too (Katie & Peter). Too be perfectly honest, I think I'm falling under their spell. They are so fucking ridiculous that it's kind of amazing. And the best part is that they are totally serious about it. It's like not they are being ironic. I don't think they even know the meaning of that word.

Here's our greatest American heroes giving one of their infamous planned candid photo shoots in DC. I've also thrown in Heidi's twin sissy Chrissy Crocker. She ran all over Robertson Blvd. with a special message for Perez. Hey, it could have been worse. She could have written the message on her power bottom ass.

Last night on "Keeping Up with the Biggest Skanks in America," we saw a different side of Kim Kardashian. I'm so used to seeing her trying to be the sex kitten and sticking her ass out. There's other sides to her! I know, weird. It was a KKK fight last night over a stupid ass Bentley. You see, Kim has worked really hard to get a Bentley, something she's wanted since she was 12. Oh and by "worked really hard" I mean she sucked dick on camera.

Anyway, Kim's sisters accompanied her to pick up the new car at some car joint. It was taking forever for it to be ready, so Khloe (the scary man one) started bitching out the car dude which embarrassed Kim. This led to Kim telling Khloe that she was trying to her ruin her moment and then she called her a "jealous psycho bitch." I would've called her a "scary man dude," but whatever works.

Khloe and Kourtney take off leaving Kim to wait for her beloved Bentley. Kim meets up with them later, but all is not forgotten. Khloe slammed the door on big ass Kim. Kim retaliated by beating Khloe with her purse and socking her.

Seriously! These dumb sluts don't know how to fight! My sister and I used to leave blood. If you don't leave blood, it's not a good fight. And why the hell didn't Khloe just blow on Kim? Khloe is built like the fucking Incredible Hulk. She could easily just flick Kim and her big ass would go flying through the night.

Dear Britney Spears, please do something crazy! Miley Cyrus is getting too much attention.

Yes, I'm devoting another post to the Miley Cyrus/Vanity Fair scandal. It's not much of a scandal now that I think about it and I've thought about it way too much. Kathie Lee Gifford (I know, I really shouldn't watch Today) said that the above picture of Miley and Billy Ray Cyrus is much more disturbing than the semi-topless one. Hey, at least she's not topless in the one with daddy. Kathie said there is no way she would ever have posed this way with her daddy. Yeah, but you know she has a picture like this with Cody.

You know what's the most offensive thing about all of this? It's offensive that these redneck twats are getting this much attention! This is exactly what they wanted. Trish Cyrus is pissed she didn't get in on the action though. The Cyrus family is saving her for a mother and daughter spread in Playboy when Miley turns 18.

Now, I must punish myself for posting more of this shit. I will spank my ass with a rubber oven mit 25 times. I was going to do that anyway, but at least I have a reason now.

These are the only words that can be used to describe Dog Chapman and Beth Smith. You can also use the three words I tagged this post with. Take your pick.

Here's Dog and Beth probably buying generic bleach, RID hair lice removal cream and KY jelly at CVS in Malibu yesterday.

Orange chicken! Panda Express is such trash, but I ate that shit almost every day when I lived in California. I know it's basically a plate of MSG, but it's delicious. I once met this bitch in a bar who was a manager at Panda Express and they told me to stop eating there. When I asked why they wouldn't answer. That's not a good sign. They probably use rat shit in their beef broccoli. Who cares? Pour some MSG on that rat shit and if tastes delicious, I will eat it. You only live once, so you might as well eat tasty shit.

Katie Price enjoyed what our good country has to offer while shopping at the Beverly Center. You know the bitch thinks it's some authentic Chinese food. She probably asked if she could give her regards to the chef. They handed her a bag of MSG.

Here's more pics of Katie looking like a burnt-up Elvira and a few shots of her gay husband.

Paris Hilton is planning a spectacular double wedding with Nicole Richie. Showbiz Spy reports that the two want to marry their boyfriends, The Madden Douches, in a double wedding to make millions from all the publicity.

Are these cunts 8-years-old? This is the kind of shit you joke around with your friends at a slumber party while waiting for the bras and panties to freeze. "We'll get married in a double wedding, with an ice cream wedding cake! You'll wear pink and I'll wear white. "

A source said, “Paris is doing it all for attention, as usual. It’s a publicity stunt, just like everything else."

Wonky has also been walking around town with a ring on her engagement finger. It's probably Benji's cock ring. She really does love him!

Here's more pics of Wonky being a skank slut yesterday.