Quween Of The Scene

Diana Ross and Mary Wilson are looking hot, right?

On the streets of Beverly Hills yesterday afternoon, Bobby Trendy, Quween on the Scene and an unidentified beauty Shangela from RuPaul's Drag Race (who is putting heat on Beyonce's tuck game) kept dignity at bay as they performed for a giant crowd of no one! The street is their Staples Center!

But seriously, you know shit is all kinds of ridiculous when even Bobby Trendy is standing back in full drag fuckery wondering if he made a wrong turn in life. Bobby, the answer is a resounding NOOOOOO! Because this is the kind of entertainment the world needs right now. Fuck, The Supremes! It's The Insignificants!

Last week, Betty White and Quween on the Scene had a little quarrel outside of the Beverly Hills Medical Center. I was hoping that they would make up over shots of Mad Dog in the parking garage, but obviously that didn't happen. By the looks of these pictures taken yesterday, Quween is no longer a friend of Betty's, just like sanity is no longer a friend of OctoMom's.

This hurts deep. Just look at Betty making painfaces! I make the same face when I accidentally look down while taking a shower by myself. It's like Quween's presence is giving her an awesomely horrible case of gas.

You know that one episode of Dateline NBC about telemarketing scams that target the elderly? This looks like a dramatization of that episode. This is not a good sign at all.

I don't want to have to spend weekends at Quween's corner, and weekdays at Betty's house, so I hope this all blows over soon. Whenever you piss off a Golden Girl, just put a cheesecake on her porch and back off. Well, unless it's Blanche, and then you just slip a hot man in her mail box.

Recently imprisoned Quween of the Scene returned to rule her kingdom yesterday, but not everyone greeted her with a welcome back parade. As Mama Betty Rock made her way out of a Beverly Hills medical center, she refused Quween's posarassi protection services. The paps say that Quween and Betty White got into a little war of words.

When did the world start spinning the other way, because a few months ago Betty treated Quween like the fifth Golden Girl? Did Ben Linus turn the frozen wheel again? Why has this dream suddenly become a nightmare?! Is this the beginning of a Quween of the Scene backlash? Will Quween be exiled from the ho stroll? Do we have to pick sides now?

So many life-changing questions that need answers! And if we do have to decide who to hold hands with on the front lines, I have no choice but to rip up my "I Curtsy For Quween" t-shirt and join Team Cheesecake. Because we all know you don't want to be on Betty White's bad side.

All of the great superheroes of our time get falsely arrested by the cops at one time or another. It has happened to Batman, Spiderman and now Quween on the Scene! Grab your change cups and let's storm the jailhouse! This is an injustice!

And just like all the wrongs in this world, LeAnn Rimes was behind Quween's arrest! You see, the "posarassi" were trying to get pictures of LeAnn, and Quween swept in to protect her. Or maybe Quween was protecting the camera lenses from LeAnn's hideous ass face (sorry, I'm mad at the bitch right now).

When Quween tried to cover LeAnn with her arms, the cops stepped in and put our pap-fighting hero in handcuffs. One of the paps said that Quween was arrested for solicitation. LeAnn just kept walking to her car. THAT BITCH! LeAnn already wrecked two homes, and now she's the reason why Quween was ripped out of her own home today. LeAnn is ruthless!

This is a sad time we live in. Who's going to protect the famewhores of the ho stroll now? Chicken Cutlets better empty out her feather fund and bail Quween out as soon as possible!

You might have been wondering why your clock stopped ticking for a few minutes this afternoon. No, that secret joint hit you had at lunch wasn't messing with your brains. Time stopped because Mama Betty Rock and the Quween on the Scene exchanged words on the street.

Actually, Quween has protected Betty from the posarassi before, so they go way back. They were just sharing a laugh over pictures of them giving lap dances to drunk frat boys at the strip club and beating on bitches who were trying to eff with their dudes. You know how Betty and the Quween do it.

And by that I mean he put a little sugar in her collection cup. Quween on the Scene deserves every last crisp dollar from Jared Leto, because protecting his precious cardigan from the posarassi is not an easy job. You have to pay up.

I love how Quween is eyeballing his wad of cash. She knows dude has My So-Called Life residuals coming in. Quween always does her research.

By the way, I'm still mad at Quween that her white socks are whiter than mine. Quween must scare away the dirt!

Why didn't I see this coming? This is a picture I never knew I always wanted, but I really did always want it. If that doesn't make any sense, blame it on my one working brain cell trembling while trying to process this picture of greatness.

During NeNe's meeting of the famewhores with fellow Real Housewife Gretchen Rossi, they got a visit from street ROYALTY! Quween on the Scene sniffed out the "posarassi" and got in NeNe's shot. That's not the only thing she took from NeNe. Notice how Quween is reaching around to NeNe's backside. Quween knows that NeNe keeps her crisp bills between her luscious ham cheeks. SNATCH! That's exactly why she's with the Quween!

Where was Quween on the Scene when you needed her, because the security at last night's VMAs was shit! A three-legged, blind chihuahua could have done a better job. Not only did Kanye West manage to crash Taylor Swift's party, but Lil' Mama did the exact same thing during Jay-Z's performance with Alicia Keys.

At the tail end of Jay-Z's performance, a sneaky troll scampered on the stage to try to get a little air time. At one point, Jay-Z tried to shoo Lil' Mama away, but she ignored the hint and instead struck a pose at the end. When did the VMAs turn into my family reunions? Bitches interrupting each other left and right!

At next year's VMAs, the producers will have to gather all the children around to let them know when someone is holding "the talking stick" (aka the mic), that means you need to sit on your hands and listen.

And who was guarding Lil Mama's bridge while she was busy screwing with Jay-Z's performance?! Maybe one of the Olsens covered her shift.

Below is Jay-Z and Alicia Keys' full performance, but skip to the 5:00 mark to watch the tranny troll try to takeover.

Jay Z's bodyguard must have had a hard shit stuck in his ass last night, because he was in no mood. When Jay-Z and Beyonce were leaving a restaurant in Dubrovnik, Croatia, a pepaw pap (pepawrazzi?) tried to get a few pictures of them. Jay-Z's mighty fist (aka his bodyguard) wasn't having it, so he swiped at the pepaw's camera, breaking its light.

Since we all know pepaws are not the one, he fought back by throwing his tripod at Jay's bodyguard. You can guess what happened next. The bodyguard dumped that shit into the ocean.

The pepaw called the cops who charged Jay's bodyguard with fucking up someone else's personal property. Strangely enough, he was not charged with ocean pollution. Don't worry, Bette Midler has his number.

Why does Beyonce even need a bodyguard? I thought she could break jaws with just a thrust of her crotch? And blind a bitch with just a whip from her wig? Obviously, I thought wrong.

Beyonce needs to fire that bodyguard and hire posarassi fighter Quween on the Scene. Quween isn't the violent type. Quween would've made that pap disappear in a flash by asking him for some money. That is the quickest way to get a bitch out of your face.

It looks like Flavor Flav finally found himself a real woman! A woman who can protect him from the posarassi and light his pipe on the first try (take that however you want). And Quween on the Scene won't get the stomach seizures when she gets a piece of old beef jerky in her mouth while licking on his gold teefs. Although, Quween might have to get some Crest strips, because Flav might get jealous that her buttery Chiclets are more yellow than his. That's for them to work out.

The two lovebirds strolled down the streets of Beverly Hills together yesterday. Just a couple of hours later, Quween was devastated to find out about the passing of Michael Jackson. Hopefully, Flav was there to comfort her and a baby Flavor of Quween was created. I think Vh1 just creamed their chonies.