Kiefer Sutherland was photographed running drunk and shirtless through the streets of London last night after being ejected from a strip club. The above is not a picture from last night, but Kiefer looked just like that sans the delicate pink flower growing out of his peen hole. Sadly, there were no flowers last night.
The Sun says that it all started out pretty mellow for Kiefer. He had a couple of bottles of wine with a friend at the bar of The Covent Garden Hotel. At around 2am, Kiefer had the choice to either retire to his room and pass out on his bed, or continue the boozery by visiting a pussy shaking club. Since Charlie Sheen is in rehab and one teen idol from the 80s must represent fuckery at all times, Kiefer chose the latter.
Kiefer showed up at Stringfellows Gentlemen Club at 2am and a source said he "went bananas, shouting nonsense and dancing like Peter Crouch before kicking off when asked to leave."
In case you don't know what the Peter Crouch dance is, here you go. It's kind of like a fluid version of the Suri Dance.
He was escorted out of the club by security at around 3:30am. He sat in the back of his car for 30-minutes until he eventually stumbled back to his hotel.
Fox is expected to announce that 24's time is finally up and its 8th season will be its last. This is what Variety says. They are saying that Fox will release a statement in the next couple of days announcing that 24 has been canceled. I guess this isn't exactly pube-pulling news and many saw it coming.
Apparently, 24's ratings aren't what they used to be and the show costs too much to produce. Fox also wants to begin production on a 24 movie and they can't go forward with this until the show is off the air.
I don't think I've seen one episode of 24, but I have a friend (yes, I have one friend) who is on that shit like a wolverine on a tree. One time I called him to go and get a waffle cone with me and his response was, "Fuck off. 24 is on." So the next time I invite him out for a waffle cone, I can say, "Fuck on. 24 is off!"
And I'm re-thinking the title of this post. I think the Christmas trees have lost. Now that Kiefer Sutherland has more free time, he will most likely spend his days and nights tackling any Christmas tree he comes across!
QUICK! Get all the Christmas trees to the safe house. By the "safe house," I mean my mom's backyard. Seriously, every year my mom always misses the deadline for Christmas tree pick-up, so she just throws it in her backyard with the others. It's like a refugee camp for Christmas trees back there.
Johnnie Walker's favorite homeboy Kiefer Sutherland skipped on into a bar called The Spot in San Pedro, CA the other day to celebrate BOOOZE with crew members from 24. One of the bar's employees spilled the sauce to TMZ and said that Kiefer & Co. started the alcohol orgy at 7 in the morning. They kept lapping up bowls of the sweet nectar until 1 in the afternoon. Kiefer was definitely in a good mood since he picked up the tab for the entire bar before leaving (with a designated driver).
Apparently, the final tab for 30 people was only $500 and Kiefer dropped a $200 tip on top of that. Okay, if we ever have a Dlisted convention, it will be held at The Spot in San Pedro. I mean, 6 hours of boozing for 30 hos and the bill only came to $500. That's around $17 a person (my math cell works fast when it comes to booze)!!! And The Spot will probably let all of us party with our pants down (just like Kiefer).
Good news for Pirate Kiefer! Bad new for Christmas trees. Kiefer Sutherland might not have to go to the clink for bringing down his mighty head on a trick's nose! In case you smoked up the part of your brain that held this insignificant information, let me give you the quick fire version. At a party earlier this month, Kiefer headbutted Proenza Schouler designer Jack McCollough in defense of Brooke Shields. Kief thought Jack knocked Brooke over. She later denied it. Then she later admitted. Blahs. Blahs. Blahs.
Well, Kiefer frolicked on over to Jack's side and made pretty with him. Now they are the bestest friends ever! They went out and bought a split "Best Friends" pendant. They made each other friendship bracelets. And they even bought a star together and named it "CoKi" in honor of their beautiful new friendship. No, that didn't happen, but they did make-up. Kief's rep said that he is sowwy about what happened and wishes Jack well. Because Kief apologized, Jack will no longer testify.
Since there is no complaining witness anymore, the prosecution's case against Kief isn't very strong. This means it's likely that he will get to skip away without being prosecuted!
Hopefully, Kief finally learns his lesson. You can't just go around headbutting bitches. You have to ask first! You have to get permission to headbutt. You know, if Kief came up to me in a bar and politely asked if he could headbutt me, I'd probably say yes. Well, first I'd wonder if he was asking me to do some kind of kinky (and potentially really painful) sex act. Then I'd examine the size of his head. Then I'd wonder what kind of lube we should use. Then I'd definitely say sí!