Jonas Brothers

At a Jonas Brothers concert in Madrid on Wednesday night, a dude crashed the stage and took his shirt off while being chased by a couple of bumbling bodyguards. Lauren & Hardy they ain't!

Hopefully, this dude had a good explanation for his therapist.

Either he wanted to take their purity rings off with his asshole, or he went absolutely crazy from being at a Jonas Brothers concert. It has to be the latter. When he realized where he was, he stormed the stage in hopes that he could rip the cords and stop the fucking madness!

Naw. It was totally my first guess.

via TMZ

19-year-old Joe Jonas and his 22-year-old girlfriend Camilla Belle are no longer rubbing against each other's eyebrows or plucking loose hairs together, because they have broken up. Camilla's rep confirmed the tragic news to People: "Yes, it's true. Joe and Camilla have broken up. There is no third party involved and they care deeply about each other and will remain friends."

Um, I think the third party involved was Camilla's vagina, because it had the grouchies due to Joe refusing to tickle it. He would rather spend his nights trying out new hair products. Wait, is Joe the gay one? I always get confused. Will the gay Jonas Brother please just wear a name tag that says: "Hello, My Name is The Gay Jonas Brother"? It will make things a lot easier.

Seriously, though, I think there was a very important reason for Joe and Camilla's break-up. If they didn't end things, Joe would've never gotten misty-eyed during his concert last night and this video would not exist (WARNING: This may cause you to stick sharp foreign objects in your ear holes):

And just for record keeping purposes, this is my eyebrows' favorite couple of all-time and forever:

Kevin Jonas has announced that he is engaged to a man trying to pass as Haylie Duff his girlfriend Danielle Deleasa! Dude is going to have a dick boner until his wedding night. Unless, this is "the gay" one. If that's the case, then his ass lips won't stop quivering until his wedding day, because he will finally a cover-up that will allow him to go frolic amongst the peens!

People says that Kevin proposed to Danielle this morning at her house in New Jersey (DUH). Kevin said, "It was tough performing last night, knowing that I was going to ask the biggest question in my life to the most amazing girl in the world. She said yes, yes, yes like 500 times super fast in a row." 21-year-old Kevin and 22-year-old Danielle met two years ago in the Bahamas.

Congrats to these two little lovebirds. Hopefully, Danielle can teach Kevin all about the importance of eyebrows. Kevin's virgin caterpillar brows desperately need to be "PLUCKED!"

On May 29th, PS17 in Brooklyn gathered a group of kiddies in the school auditorium to watch Disney's Camp Rock starring Demi Lovato and the Jonas Brothers. Instead of Camp Rock, they got 45 seconds of hardcore porn. No, it wasn't called CAMP COCK: What Purity Ring?.

The New York Post says that kindergartners, first-graders and fifth-graders got an eye-full of a topless chick doing nasty sex acts on the jumbo screen. It played for 45-seconds before one of the teachers pulled the DVD player's plug out of the wall. Other teachers screamed to the kiddies to cover their eyes!

That night, the principal sent a letter to the parents promising them that the evil doer responsible for subjecting their kids to hardcore porn would be caught! The DVD player is usually kept locked in his office, but it was later moved to a different office where anybody could've switched the DVD. The teacher who set up the DVD player in the auditorium didn't realize what was going on, because they walked away to get the disc for Camp Rock.

One parent, who might be a Catholic pilgrim virgin, is so disgusted, because she doesn't even kiss in front of her 6-year-old daughter! The parent said, "She doesn't need to see that! I don't even like to kiss in front of her because I think she's too young. So I'm very angry." I can see her being angry about her kid seeing porn, but doesn't she realize that one of the Jonas Brothers kisses Demi Lovato on the cheek in Camp Rock. Not that I've seen it or anything.....

To be honest, 45-seconds of porn is less disturbing than 90 minutes of the Jonas Brothers. You know, I wouldn't be surprised if that was the director's cut of Camp Rock. Disney is the House of Whores, so maybe they are just being more honest about it nowadays.

Please stand and clap with your ass cheeks for the newest member of The Glittery Gays of YouTube Club: Joe Jonas! Joe stuffed his purity balls and nut busting thighs of wonder into a leotard to stumble through Sasha Fierce's "Single Ladies." Yes, that meme was sent down to the basement with Solange a long time ago, but it's still mildly entertaining to watch Joe try not to be too queeny while wearing high heels. But I'm not sure if it works, because this is still making my no-no lick its lips. Yes, it has tongue, Yes, I have seen a specialist about this. Yes, it's doing that because of Joe Jonas'.....THIGHS. THIGHS. THIGHS. Thighs that could break your rib cage with one squeeze. Swoo-oon.

And you know Joe is totally holding back. Bitch knows the dance! He's just pretending like he doesn't. Come on, drop it like I know you can.

VIA ONTD

This is Joe Jonas. This is Joe Jonas wet. This is Joe Jonas flashing his pit pubes. This is Joe Jonas making sexyface, but it kind of looks like he's trying to pass a queef through his peen hole. Ick. Nast. I just said "Joe Jonas" and "peen" in the same sentence. Okay, I know he's 19 which makes him legal, but why do I still feel like I'm committing a felony by looking at this picture! Why do I feel like I just ended up on some government list. Don't even ask me if I'd "hit it." If I answered that question truthfully, the FBI will storm through my front door and confiscate this laptop.

And what about his celebrity crush?! I'm kind of impressed. I figured Joe Jonas was more of a Brad Pitt fangirl. But now I've got an image of Joe Jonas and Daniel Craig tossing salads and licking beef bones. Dammit.

P.S. - Is it just me or does his purity ring look abnormally erect?

VIA ONTD