Pete Wentz

Dear Bronx Mowgli, now is your chance to file emancipation. There's not one judge in all the land that won't rule in your favor once you crawl up to the bench and hand them this picture as EXHIBIT ALL OF THE ABOVE!

Pete Wentz lost a bet to Gabriel Saporta (of Cobra Starship) last night which cost him space on his arm. Yes, Pete got Gabriel's face tattooed on his person. Pete explained his new skidmark on his Twitter:

my head hurts. i was buzzed lightyear last night. followed thru on a gentlemens bet w/@gabrielsaporta now i have 1 more bad tattoo.

We've all made some bad decisions in life while booze was running through our system. We have the bruises and babies to prove it, but don't ever ever put the blame on the sweet nectar of the gods. Why does delicious alcohol always take the fall for natural fuckery?

And I might be a little drunk myself since I laughed at "buzzed lightyear." Ugh. There I go blaming the booze.

P.S. - Go ahead and file this picture under: Why The Fuck Do You Have a Kid?

VIA ONTD

At last night's Blink 182/Fall Out Boy show at MSG in NYC, Pete Wentz declared that it was "THE DEATH OF THE EMO HAIRCUT" and let Mark Hoppus cut his hair off on stage. All together now: "He should've cut off his head instead!"

While I am happy for Pete's hairline since it probably hasn't seen the light of anything for a long ass time, his new shaved head really isn't the look. Before, he looked like a slow orangutan with an Emo wig, and now he just looks like a slow orangutan.

Pete did good by taking a machete to the emo haircut, but he should have backed away from the clippers and skipped towards the dread wax. Remember when Pete had dreadlocks:

I mean, Pete with hairy penises all over his head just made sense!

VIA People & Friends Or Enemies

In case you didn't notice the douchesicle hiding under that LOOKATME mask, it's devoted father and husband Pete Wentz famewhoring it like a pro while walking to the music studio. Pete thought he had this shot wrapped up, but little did he know that a kid behind him stole his moment by throwing a sideways V for Vagina sign.

Too bad Kathy Griffin wasn't driving by. She would've mistook Pete for an off-duty Oscar statute and immediately snatched him up. The world would be rid of Pete, because he'd be forever trapped in a glass cabinet over Kathy's toilet.

While strolling around NYC yesterday, Bronx Mowgli looked at the camera and gave a "Do you see this stupid shit I have to put up with?" face. He's got the "emancipation twinkle" in his eyes. Yeah, Bronx, I can't believe two giant penis people made a human being either.

And don't tell Bronx this, but he sort of looks a little Papa Joe-ish in the face, right? Just what he needs!

The sun is shining on Bronx Mowgli, because if this shit is true, he might not have the worst name in the Wentz-Simpson family for long! Star Magazine (via Ace Showbiz) is saying that Asshole Simpson is knocked up with her second babeh. Don't ask me how Ass and Pete continue to make babies together, because there's no way he has ever put his penis into her vagina. Every time he tries, he probably giggles so hard that he goes pee pee. And unless you're Kim Kardashian, piss on the pussay is a total mood killer.

Some source said that the new emofetus has only been marinating in there for a few weeks. Ass is apparently thrilled, because she thinks she will give birth to a magical Band-Aid that will fix her shitty marriage. The source went on, "She loves Pete and wants to hang on to him. She believes this second baby will really clinch the deal. He (Pete) thinks a second kid could change things for the worse. He doesn't want to be tied down and stuck at home all the time."

Everyone knows babies fix fucked up marriages! Their diarrhea is like glue! And their neverending screeches in the night is like a romantic lullaby that will make your husband fall in love with you all over again.

But who cares about that? I just care about the name! I hope they stick with the same theme.... I'm thinking Staten Island Baloo? New Jersey Turnpike Kaa? Queensborough Bridge King Louie? Or maybe Papa Joe will step up his baby whoring game and go for something like People Magazine Gerber Wentz-Simpson?

Here's the two prime candidates for sterilization at a T-Mobile event last night.

Asshole Simpson had a sad face in her heart when she had to leave her husband to go back home and take care of Bronx Mowgli. Ass was with Pete Wentz for a few of his shows, but couldn't go with him to Las Vegas. Asshole let her out sadness through Twitter, "I am beyond sad to leave my love... My heart is breaking as we drive home. I need my hubs."

Meanwhile in a hotel room in Vegas, Petey was bumping vaginas with a bunch of hos. After a Fall Out Boy concert at the Palms Casino on April 5th, Pete partied with 50 skanks including his band members, a few dancers and his friends. Some ho who was there told Star Magazine, "Everybody was going absolutely crazy. People were even drunkenly playing makeshift Slip 'n' Slide with a mat and lubricant. And Pete was in great spirits. He was dancing and singing along to his band's own songs, grinding up against the dancers."

Lube 'n' Slide? That sounds like something Tommy Girl scoots his ass over in between butt fucks during a Scientolo-orgy.

You know, Asshole was just putting on an act with her Twitter post. Bitch was probably relieved that Pete wasn't at home, locked in the bathroom, using her flat iron to straighten his pubes out and using her eyeliner to paint lipstick on his peen hole.

Although, looking at these pictures of him with hos probably made her a little weepy. I mean, Pete can't grind on Ass like that without busting into a giggle fit. It's still a miracle that Ass got pregnant since I doubt his ladyfinger ever went into her flower garden. Pete must have just busted one on the toilet seat and forgot to clean it up. Ass didn't notice it when she went to make a pee....VOILA! Baby!