Lainey at Lainey Gossip is hearing that Kristen Stewart hasn't yet drawn an X on her relationship contract with Robert Pattinson using jizz from Rupert Sanders' wandering peen. Robsten is unbroken (a nerve in my no-no lips loses its feeling whenever I type that) for now, but Radar says that didn't stop KStew from flirting with James Franco at a TIFF party in Toronto over the weekend.
Since James Franco considers himself the be all and end all of the art world and Kristen Stewart looks like Dora Maar as painted by Picasso, he went after her at a party and tried to get her to stop biting her lip to bite his lip instead (you decide which one). The source said this:
“Kristen and James bumped into each other at the Intercontinental Hotel in Toronto during the film festival and were engaged in conversation for 20 minutes. There was a lot of flirting and Kristen was overjoyed by the attention she was getting from James, who was gushing over her, saying what a great actress he thinks she is and was full of praise for her latest movie, On the Road. She seemed at ease in his company, and he was certainly making her laugh. She was wearing a huge grin on her face. At the end of their chance meeting, James took Kristen’s number and asked her out for dinner. Kristen initially said no, but is mulling over the idea.”
We can all say that if KStew and Franco got together for real, we'd all sprain our optic nerves from rolling our eyeballs so much, but these two actually make sense. James Franco can spend his nights with Kristen Stewart talking about James Franco and how James Franco is redefining creativity and if James Franco displayed a puff of his pubic hair at The Whitney thousands of people would wait hours to see it and James Franco this and James Franco that... KStew would sit there, smiling and giggling, and he'd think it was because of all the genius thoughts coming out of his mouth. But no, KStew is only giggling and smiling because she's stoned out of her mind and thinks that with every sneaky queef she lets out, she's secretly getting everyone in the room higher.
James Franco can talk about himself and only himself, and KStew can get high without having to talk at all. They're perfect for each other! (And yes, I've sat in a room and thought I was getting everyone in the room higher with my farts.)
José Angel Santana used to teach movie directing at NYU, but he was pink-slipped after he committed an illegal act against the arts by giving James Franco a D for only showing up to 2 out of 14 classes. José is suing NYU for wrongfully firing his ass and now he's suing James Franco for defaming his good name. James puckered his lips and got bitchy in interviews when he said that he didn't show up to Professor Santana's class, because he didn't want to waste his precious time with a crappy teacher. James said that José wasn't fired for giving him a D, the dude was fired for being a bad teacher and he'll never work at another university again. And yes, when James said that, he smirked and gave himself an A++++ in BURNING.
José told The New York Post that James is nothing but a celebrity bully who uses his name to punish anybody who doesn't suck on his ego. José also brought the RNC empty chair into it:
“Whoever was in Clint Eastwood’s chair at the Republican National Convention was more present than Mr. Franco was in my classes. [Franco] is a bully. He uses the bully pulpit of his celebrity to punish anyone who doesn’t do his bidding. I didn’t deserve to be on the receiving end of those falsehoods. I was outraged that someone with his attendance record at NYU had the audacity to make those statements.
José's attorney says that most of his evaluations from students were positive and that James is using his ass lips to do the talking again. José made $70,000 a year as an NYU professor and he's suing for unspecified damages.
Yes, James Franco is a smug stain on smug's ass who thinks every university should just throw degrees at him for being James Franco, but José doesn't know who he's dealing with. James Franco will get his law degree, pass the bar just by writing the name James Franco on the bar exam, become a NY State judge and throw out the case against him. Then Judge James Franco will send José to prison for wasting James Franco's time. When José' settles into his cell, he'll hear the sound of boots stomping his way and when he looks up he'll see....Prison Warden James Franco. And after José completes his sentence, he'll go back to NYU to get his job back, but they'll tell him that the position was filled a long time ago by...Professor James Franco. You can't escape The Franco!
Here's James Franco with Vanessa Hudgens, Selena Gomez, Ashley Benson, Rachel Korine and Harmony Korine at the Venice Film Festival premiere of Spring Breakers last night.
This is what Disney got when they threw together $200 million, Sam Raimi James Franco, Mila Kunis, Rachel Weisz, Michelle Williams, Zach Braff (???) and slightly more special effects than your average Mimi photo shoot. This is the trailer for the prequel of Wizard of Oz, Oz: The Great And Powerful and it comes out next year after the world has ended.
James Franco plays some kind of scheming magician who gets sucked into a tornado and travels to a land made of leftover CGI effects from Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland. James then meets the three witches: Mila Kunis, who looks like a cross between a bootleg Carmen Sandiego and a lost character from Clue, Rachel Weisz and Michelle Williams. Even in a damn children's movie Michelle Williams looks sad, cold and on the verge of tears. Somebody get her a space blanket and a basket of kittens. Michelle plays Glinda, so shouldn't she be like singing and blowing out bubbles and shit? Anyway, once James meets them, they somehow decide that he's the first coming of God and is going to save Oz. It's kind of like how James Franco thinks he, James Franco, is the first coming of God and is going to save us with his ART.
Also, am I the only one who wishes that Oz: The Great And Powerful was a movie about Christopher Meloni having non-stop butt sex in a prison shower?
Click here if you can't see the trailer above.
When I first read the headline earlier that said James Franco's character in the feature film version of TruTV's Party Heat called Spring Breakers was based on Riff Raff, I was so pissed to learn that the Riff Raff his character is based on is not this Riff Raff:
It's the other OTHER Riff Raff who was on Vh1's From G's to Gents. The real Riff Raff is bragging to everyone that Harmony Korine offered him the role, but he couldn't take it since he was too busy working out of the country (aka working three shifts in a row in the stock room of a Pier 1 knock-off store in Ohio called Out of the Country). So James Franco took the role and is shooting this movie in between taking Polaroid pictures of squirrel urethras for his art school thesis and executive producing a Nickelodeon show based around a family of turnips.
When I look at James Franco in this mess, I don't see the "rapper" Riff Raff. I see the Rocky Horror Riff Raff (I'm trying to cover all the Riff Raffs in one post) after injecting himself with the essence of Gary Oldman's True Romance character and gaining 90 pounds by cutting his meth with Bisquick to play a KFed impersonator in a Cash4Gold commercial. Franco is nailing it!
Who knew that James Franco could pull off the "middle-class suburban douche trying to seem street by telling everyone that he was raised in the projects of Detroit" look so well? And to answer my headline question, yes, I'd hit it just to watch those A cups bounce. I bet James Franco's peen tastes like sour milk and his jizz has the consistency of cottage cheese, so I better bring a can of peaches.
And let's just pretend that the yellow-weaved beauty in the blue bathing suit is Hottie from Flavor of Love. I mean, she kind of looks like Beyonce.
James Franco is a considerate celebrity who knows that you've seen his face EVERYWHERE and so he's changing things up flashing his ass cheeks everywhere instead. (This is the place where you submit your re-worked "since when does his face and his ass look any different" joke.) James dropped his panties, brushed off the ricocheted air kisses he blows at his own ass in the mirror and cracked a sideways grin for Flaunt Magazine's cover. If it's safe for you to look at Michael Lohan's mug shot at work then it's probably safe for you to look at James Franco's SANS CHONIES ass, butt I put it behind a cut just in case. Get it!
Wait for it.... Wait for it.... Wait for it.... Or just skip all the kites and strawberries and go straight to the (NSFWish) 1:55 mark. And after all that, I still just want to bead his bushy brows like a friendship pin.
Three years ago, Page Six had a blind item about how a movie star in a big summer movie violently raped his ex-boyfriend. The blind item went on to allege that the movie star replaced his ex-boyfriend's rape kit with a $500,000 so the police wouldn't be notified. It was a blind item that made me want to temporary blind my vision and soothe my brain by dunking my head in a bowl full of kittens. There were a million guesses and even Gawker ran a poll which named James Franco as the likeliest suspect. Well, James Franco clutched his rosary beads over being branded as gay rapist and tells Playboy (via E! Online) that it's the opposite of true.
"Then Gawker picked that up and did this 'Gay Rapist' story that was so fucking offensive, because I have friends who have been raped. They did a very classy online reader's poll asking which actor who had a big movie out that summer had beaten up and raped his boyfriend and then paid him off so it wouldn't go to court.
My lawyer called them and said that it was completely untrue and to take it down. They said, 'Well, we're just reporting what the New York Post told us. If James wants to make a comment on our blog, we're happy to report it.' It was a choice. Either let this thing build and become bigger and bigger, or just let it go and let them be the petty scumbags that they are."
So there you go! James Franco is a performance artist, Oscar ruiner, bachelor degree hoarder, author, perfume model, pussy eater, and short film director, but he is definitely not a gay rapist. So when we call him the James of all trades one of those trades is not gay raping. Got it! Scratch that off his resume.
Jennifer Hudson is like my meth head ex-boyfriend's peen: Every time I see her, she looks skinnier and skinnier. But unlike my meth head ex-boyfriend's peen, JHud has no trouble standing erect without the help of a 2-hour hand job, a lot of coaching and a mess of Viagra. (I think).
JHud, who is putting out a weight-loss book soon (Chapter 1 - Become a spokeswoman for Weight Watchers. If that's not possible, smoke crack and bid adieu to all your ribs), nearly made her fingers kiss when she posed on the carpet at amfAR's Inspiration Gala in NYC last night. Ugh. When I put my hands around my waist, my fingers can barely see each other's tips because a hilly mound of bloat is blocking their view of each other. If Weigh Watchers had Cheetos nachos, Frosted Circus Animal Cookies and Coke Margaritas on their menu and gave complimentary lipo each week, I'd totally join! If JHud loses anymore weight, she'll win every single Verdine White look-alike contest and that's reason enough to be mad at her.
Here's more of JHud at last night's amfAR along with: Ke$hit (who gets a D- for her tuck game), Heidi Klum, James Franco, Lance Bass and a melting Victorian Vampire wax doll with an American History X extra.
James Franco's art installation, which will debut at the Venice Biennale next month, called Rebel has been described as a high art/pop culture mashed homage to James Dean. The L.A. Times says that Franco's art project features clips of motorcycle crashes, a little movie of him in the role of James Dean (which he already did in that TNT shit) and another clip of him paying tribute to the late Brad Renfro in a fucked up way that also pays tribute to the cutters of the world!
While the cameras rolled, Franco used a switchblade to carve Brad Renfro's name into his right arm. The pictures and video of this mess will be one of the show's permanent artworks.
Franco really should've carved "THIS BITCH" into his arm instead, because that's all I'm going to see when I see the Renfro scar on his arm. There are so many question marks humping my head over this shit. Did Franco know Brad Renfro on a for real level? Was he inspired by Marky Mark's character in Fear? Is this a commentary on young actors dying of heroin overdoses before their time? Did Franco bleed blood or bull shit when he cut into himself? Is he naked in this clip because that's an important factor in deciding whether or not I will buy a ticket to this when it comes to New York?
But then after asking myself all these questions, I realized this is James Franco we're talking about! There are no answers to his art! Or maybe Swiss Army sponsored his project and Franco needed to place their product somewhere.
Because James Franco's ultimate goal is to wallpaper his downstairs smoke room with a degree from every single university that exists on this planet today, he has enrolled and been accepted to the University of Houston. A University of Houston official confirms that they have opened their arms to James Franco who will work towards his doctorate degree in literature and creative writing. The program only accepts 20 out of around 400 applicants and the director says that he chooses students based on writing samples, recommendation letters and IMDB credits.
James Franco has an M.F.A. in creative writing from Columbia, is a Ph.D student in English at Yale and has just signed on to star in a movie with Winona Ryder, which he plans to shoot before he does Oz the Great and Powerful and acts on Broadway in Sweet Bird of Youth opposite Nicole Kidman. So because James Franco's schedule is as jam packed as my schedule is empty, he won't start classes at UH until next year. The director issued this statement of words to the media:
James Franco was scheduled to enter the PhD program in Literature and Creative Writing in Fall 2011, but he requested a deferral for an additional year, which the faculty granted, so he is now scheduled to begin doctoral work here in Fall 2012.
It takes me 3 days to finish a "Which She-Ra Character Are You?" quiz and this motherfucking diploma-holic is enrolled at a dozen universities and still finds the time to do movies and take cat naps with actual cats? Something in the milk is a donation check with at least 5 zeroes in 'em.
But I will remain UNIMPRESSED until James Franco proudly displays a degree he earned from DeVry (emphasis on the word "proudly").
via Chron (Thanks to Jane and everybody else who sent this in)