Pete Doherty

While Dreamy Doherty was busy injecting heroin in his eye balls in the clink, a welfare fund was set up to help him out with his financial troubles. Stefano Passantino, the founder of lastseason.com, donated all the profits from stripey t-shirts sold on his website to Dreamboat. The fund made a whopping $34.20. Shit, that's $34 more than Dreamy has in his pocket now.

Stefano said, "Sales have been somewhat disappointing - we only sold six stripey tops. We had planned to do a big presentation and get a big cheque made up, but it seems pointless for a mere 17 quid and change. I wish Pete better luck selling records."

The check has been forwarded to Dreamboat's management aka his 6 cats. They are going to spend it on cat nip joints. Actually, Dreamy's management said they will donate the money to charity. Generous.

You know, I was on my way to the post office to send my donation to Dreamy's fund when I spotted a delicious Lucky Charms treat at the deli. My taste buds could not live without it. It was either crack money for a crackhead or a bite of marshmallow goodness. I made the right choice.

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Thanks Jen

Dreamboat Doherty was released from prison in London today after serving 29 days of a 14-week sentence. Bollocks! Is that what the Brits say? He shouldn't have served a fucking day! Dreamboat Doherty is special. No, I really think he's special in a short bus kind of way. It would explain everything. Seriously, Dreamy doesn't go to prison. Hopefully, the city of London has learned its lesson and won't put him in there again.

Dreamy told his reporters that he couldn't wait to get home, pet his cat and drink a rum and coke. What he really meant to say what that he couldn't wait to get home, pet his peen, drink his cum and do some coke. I know, I'm nasty. He also said, “Thank you Mrs Thatcher for putting me in the company of the most dangerous criminals in the country.” Awwww, he's so charming. He probably said that with heroin snots coming out of his nose, but he's still a dreamboat.

When ask if he had taken any drugs while in the cokey, Dreamy told The Sun, "Well, I knew it was going to be a bit rough to start with, with the overcrowding and the medical facilities although they do their best - they are good, they can’t really cater for the average junkie...” Dreamy is anything but an average junkie. If he was a superhero, his name would be SuperJunkie! Here to snort the day!

It's nice to know that Dreamy is free again. We should take bets on his next arrest. I'm guessing in about.....3 hours! I would say 2 hours, but it will take him about an hour just to "pet his cat."

Dreamboat Doherty was supposed to play London's Royal Albert Hall and then he sort-of accidentally got thrown in prison. I say accidentally, because it wasn't meant to happen! Dreamboat is innocent. Anyway, Dreamy has rescheduled the show and even persuaded Amy Wino to join him on stage for a duet. Persuaded? He offered her a dimebag.

A source said, “They think playing at such an incredible venue will be a massive two-fingers to their critics - especially in light of their traumatic personal lives."

Methadone should sponsor the concert.

Talk about fucking perfect. Wino and Dreamy go together like heroin and the shakes. Like booze and grease. Like crack and a broken light bulb.

It will most likely sound a lot like two cats engaged in violent sex. The first time I heard two cats doing it, I rushed out thinking someone was strangling my pussy!

The crack Gods have answered my prayers! Dreamboat Doherty will be released from the chokey on Tuesday! Crack Tuesday!

Crackheads and dealers everywhere are rejoicing! Dreamboat was sentenced to 14-weeks in prison, but he will be set free after just 29 days even though he smoked heroin while in there. Well, he's Dreamboat Doherty! The rules don't apply to him.

The Sun reports that Dreamboat is already planning a massive party. That just means he's going to get really fucked up. A source said, “He’s planning to go straight to play a gig — and then get smashed. He wants no business appointments for three days — so he can really go for it.”

Dreamboat was originally sentenced to 14-weeks for not taking drug tests during his suspended sentence for heroin possession. His sentenced was halved and 18 days were deducted due to overcrowding. He was also given 2 days off because of time in police custody.

I'm going to make an advent calendar using rolling papers and cardboard from a homeless crackhead's house. Each day, I will rip off a paper and smoke it up in his honor! Hooray!

Dreamboat Doherty is spending his time in prison snorting heroin, staring at the walls, dodging the drug dealers that want to beat his ass and reading the Koran. What?! Reading the Koran? It's been reported that Dreamy has turned to Islam to help him get through his days in the chokey.

A source said, "He’s been reading the Koran since he went into segregation. He’s got a lot of Muslim friends and they’ve been on at him for ages to study it. Now he’s on his own he’s got time on his hands to study it. I’m surprised how much it has calmed him down as he was very on edge inside. He definitely seems more chilled. He’s lapping it up and really interested in it. I think it’s helping him in there.”

Nothing surprises me about this hot crackiehead. It wouldn't even shock me if Dreamy decided to become a Polygamist wife in Texas. The only thing shocking about this whole story is learning that his ass can read. I'm surprised all the heroin he's ingested hasn't destroyed that part of his brain yet.

In the past, Dreamy has also studied Scientology and other cults and religions. Methinks Dreamy is just going through all these cults and religions to find that one that says it's ok to smoke crack. He should start his own. The Church of Dreamboat!

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We're going to Paris! An exhibition of Dreamboat Doherty's art opened in Paris yesterday at the local Methadone Clinic. NO! It opened at the Chappe Gallery. Dreamy is a real artiste. The exhibition featured 30 paintings by Dreamy. Many of them were made using his own blood.

One painting is a tribute to Kate Moss, but it looks more like Jackie Stallone after a botched facelift. Dreamy has also signed his name in blood on several painting using his used needles.

The exhibition runs until May 11th. Dreamy won't be able to make it since he's sort of busy making grilled cheese sandwiches on the radiator in the chokey. A friend told NME that Dreamy is making the most out of his time in prison. Yeah, he's passing the time by shooting up. Time flies when you're getting high. The friend said, "He's being very positive about the whole situation, he's chomping at the bit to play festivals this summer. Just to strap his guitar on again and be the frontman in Babyshambles."

I need one of Dreamy's painting! Just touching one of his paintings will give me syphilis, but it's worth it. I wonder if he'd trade half an 8-ball for a painting. DUH!

Amy Wino was voted the "Ultimate Heroine" in a new poll of people under 25 conducted by Sky.com. Perhaps these kids have no idea what a heroine is. They think "heroine" means a super heroin user or something. Pete Doherty was also voted the second most popular hero, behind footballer Stephen Gerrard. Yup, they definitely think it has something to do with heroin.

Wino even placed above Princess Diana. A psychologist told NME that Wino topped the poll because she "seems to portray a certain sense of vulnerability or having had to fight against some adversity in their lives." Um...no..she seems to portray a crackhead. Straight up.

In other Wino news, she headbutted a dude outside of a bar last night. Awesome! A friend said Wino was aruging with some dude when she “got upset and lashed out, headbutting a guy hard in the face and also punched him." Her friends quickly rushed her back inside the bar. She came out later only to bump into a lamppost.

Has anyone checked Wino's pulse lately? I don't think the chick is alive. Seriously.

While Dreamboat Dohery's in the chokey, the landlord of his 9-bedroom mansion decided to pop in to his place to see how things were going. The landlord found the crack cave in typical Doherty condition. The walls, carpets and windows had blood on them. The joint also reeked from Dreamboat's 9 cats. What the hell does the landlord expect? You rent a house to Dreamboat and that's what you get. I would be more shocked if I strolled in and the place was pristine.

The Mirror reports that his landlord immediately evicted him after the visit.

A source said, "Pete is homeless, broke and owes thousands to dealers. He destroyed the place by scribbling on the walls, the floor, anywhere he felt like it. The beautiful heavy curtains were ripped down and the cats are just running around abandoned. It's a really pathetic state of affairs.."

Seriously, the landlord better burn the house down. That place is a toxic wasteland. I'm sure new diseases were born from Dreamboat's stale blood marinating into the carpet.

Dreamboat's life is in danger! Alert the A-Team, V.I.P and Cleopatra 2525! Dreamy needs their help.

The Sun reports that a plot to cripple his ass was thwarted by prison officials. He was told that chokey drug dealers want to hurt him, because he owes them money for heroin. Dreamboat has been getting the shit on credit and IOUs. Dealers are pissed, because he hasn't paid them a penny yet. And the bitch never will.

A source said that when Dreamy learned of the plot, he turned "white with fear." That's better than his usual shade of green.

Officials have moved him to a secure part of the prison. The source also said, “There are some very heavy people who have lost money and want to hurt him bad. They won’t kill him – but it will be a pan of boiling water job with sugar in it, to scar him good and proper.”

A pan of boiling water job with sugar in it? Sounds delicious! Like candy!

No, these aren't photos from Playgirl even though Dreamboat looks like a hot piece of mess. The Sun got a hold of these camera phone pics of Dreamboat Doherty in the chokey! He looks so.......bored.

Not only is he bored, but The Sun claims he's still doing heroin in the clink. His cellmate is a 28-year-old drug dealer and Dreamboat has been getting shit by begging for credit and writing IOUs. The "s" in IOUs stands for shit, because you know Dreamboat is not paying them back.

An inmate said, “We can’t believe how much he’s still clucking for it. They put him inside to force him to give up but Pete always has a need to feed his habit.” Dreamboat is currently on methadone to wean him off, but he's topping it off with some of the real stuff.

Dreamy has also became friends with some hefty, ex-streetfighter named Ray who is protecting him. Other inmates know he's getting a little white lady from the outside, so he's in danger. Ray is making sure nothing happens to him. Hmm...and how is Dreamy paying Ray back? He probably lets him lick at his feet. Ray sounds like a kinky mofo with a foot fetish.

It's a party in there for Dreamy. This bitch is never leaving. Drugs, free food and his own bodyguard who likes to suck on his toes? I made up the last part, but you know it's true. Dreamy is living the life!

Here's more pics of Dreamy looking fuck ass bored, brushing his crack teeth and waiting for his next dance with the white lady.