Hot Slut of the Day

b4-4, a Canadian boy band made up of twin brothers Ryan and Dan Kowarsky and their friend Ohad Einbinder.

b4-4 (stands for "bottoms for $4CAN") looks like something 1991 accidentally farted out when it "gambled and lost," but they weren't formed until 1999! They had a few minor hits and were even nominated for a Juno award. But b4-4 were much more than just a trio of musical geniuses, they were also a trio of glamorous GODS! I mean, tell me all your parts aren't humming for these three.

They are perfect from their glistening skin (in shade: White Oprah's asshole) to their "electrocuted hedgehog who got doused with bleach cream" hair to their perfectly manicured manbrows to their totally awesome puka shell chokers (with matching cock rings, I'm sure). You cannot resist.

It's only Monday, so try to contain yourself while watching their video below. It's like Hot Chicks with Douchebags: THE MUSICAL SPECTACULAR!

(For Chloe)

Carmen de Mairena, legendary Spanish beauty who really is a tranny of all trades.

Carmen was born Miguel de Mairena, and became a popular singer in Barcelona in the 50s. Around the same time, Miguel started doing gay stuff with singer Pedrito Rico. ESCANDALOSO! The two were jailed several times, because butt sex was illegal back then. And even though he kept being thrown in a prison cell, Miguel wasn't going to let the government get in the way of him getting dick! That is true activism right there.

By the 70s, Miguel started the transformation from Spanish boy to the ravishing flower of Spain now known as Carmen. Miguel got some titty sacks installed and began to perform as Carmen on TV and stage. By the 90s, Carmen was the premiere tranny wonder of Spain. Carmen also had been under the knife so many times that she was basically the fried ham version of Jackie Stallone (that is a compliment).

In the year 2000, Carmen decided that at the age of 70, it was about time that she dip her tranny peen into the porn game. Carmen made a few fuck films to prove that you're never too old to do ho shit on camera.

See what I mean? This tranny wreck has conquered all.

And now I know you're thinking to yourself, "That's fine and everything, but I need to feed my eyeballs a picture of Carmen in all her tranny naked glory." Ask and you shall receive. Take your pants off, and click here!

(For Douglas)

Sandahl Bergman - Broadway star, stuntwoman and more importantly, the glamorous swordstress Valeria in Conan the Barbarian.

Sandahl was mostly doing Broadway stuff before she landed the dreamiest of dream roles - a muse in Xanadu! Most of us would've ejaculated all of our insides at even the thought of being a part of that disco gay butt fuck masterpiece, but Sandahl managed to hold herself together. After she finished creating gay magic, Sandahl went on to make cinematic history by playing Valeria in Conan. She has also been in Red Sonja, Airplane II, All That Jazz and Designing Women. That is everyone's DREAM resume!

And if you still are convinced of Sandahl's innate glamour, I present this to you:

It's a wrap!

(For Dominique)

Genevieve Goings, the hip-hop train conductor on Disney's Choo Choo Soul.

I don't wear Pull-Ups (usually) or eat my own boogers as an afternoon snack (not on a regular basis, anyway), so I've never heard of Choo Choo Soul before. But when I saw a picture of Genevieve Goings, my eyelashes started sweating and all I could see is twinkly stars floating off of her perfect eyebrows. Yes, it's always the eyebrows. I'm really that easy.

Besides being blessed with a pair of stunning eye valances, Genevieve also knows how to bust moves while on a moving train. Okay, the train isn't real, but let's not be too picky now. Clip beeeeelow:

(For Lorna)

Eric Steward, the Australian pepaw who went out to pick up the morning paper at the local store, but ended up taking a wrong turn which led him 400 miles the wrong way.

81-year-old Eric was visiting friends with his wife when he took off at 7:30 Monday morning to get the newspaper. Pepaw Eric took a wrong turn onto the highway and drove nearly 400 miles for a total of 9 hours before he decided that he should probably ask for some help. Eric finally asked a police officer for some directions back home. By this time, Eric's wife had already called the police and reported his old ass missing! The police officer simply showed Eric the right way and he was reunited with his wife 9 hours later.

Eric told the Australian media, "I just went out on the road to have a drive, a nice peaceful quiet drive. I didn't know where I was going but I knew it was somewhere, and with a bit of luck I would eventually find my wife again. When you get to 80 and beyond it doesn't matter much. He's out there waiting for us and you just got to wait your turn." And when a reporter said he should get a GPS, Eric snapped back, "Why would you want one of those? You can't get lost. There is no fun in that."

400 miles in 9 hours?! Was Eric driving a shopping cart with rusty wheels? Well, at least he wasn't speeding.

And I know how Pepaw Eric feels since my brain is constantly going 400 miles in the wrong direction.

(For Rebecca)

Sue Grafton, famed author of detective novels such as "A is for Alibi," "B is for Burglar," "C is for Corspe," etc..etc... Sue knows the alphabet better than any ho on Sesame Street!

Sue is also extra hot, because homegirl puts up a stop sign whenever Hollywood comes knocking at her door. Sue said she will never sell the TV or movie rights to her books. And if her children pull that shit after she's gone, she promises to haunt their asses from the grave.

(For Lahoma)

Linda Purl- Linda is best known for playing Matlock's daughter Charlene in the first season of Matlock. But Linda also has a zillion other credits to her legendary name! Linda not only played Foznie's girlfriend on Happy Days, but she was also Richie's part-time lover during season 2. Linda was the tramp of Milwaukee!

Most recently, Linda played Pam's mother on The Office. AND she was married to Desi Arnaz Jr. for a quick minute. The woman has done it all!

Dr. Brooke Magnanti, the real-life Belle de Jour.

In an interview with the Sunday Times, Dr. Brooke Magnanti has come out of the closet as former high-class call girl turned blogger Belle de Jour. Belle de Jour's blog led to a series of books, which became a TV series called Secret Diary of a Call Girl starring Billie Piper.

34-year-old Dr. Magnanti is now a fancy scientist who specializes in developmental neurotoxicology and cancer epidemiology. Up until a month ago, only six people knew that she used to peddle her pussy out for $600 an hour. Not even her own agent knew.

She decided to reveal herself after six years of living in secret, because she was afraid that her skeezy ex-boyfriend was going to sell the story to a tabloid. She said, "It feels so much better on this side. Not to have to tell lies, hide things from the people I care about. To be able to defend what my experience of sex work is like to all the skeptics and doubters."

Dr. Magnanti worked as a vagina vendor from 2003 to 2004 while she finished getting her PhD in smart people stuff.

And now, when people ask her what she does for a living, she can proudly say, "I'm a former high-class call girl turned scientist." Sigh. I wish I could tell people that and mean it. Everything sounds better with "former high-class call girl" before it.

Patricia Paay, Dutch singer and ravishing beauty who is set to become the oldest ho to bare her prune in the pages of Playboy.

In the December issue of Dutch Playboy, 60-year-old Patricia proves that you are never too old to show off your memaw mammaries or granny lips (both pairs) to the public. Yes, homegirl is 60 and looking like Lindsay Lohan's much younger sister. Get that shit, Patty! Show off those Werther's Originals for grannies everywhere! (Note to my own mom: DON'T EVEN! DON'T!)

Below is Patricia singing one of her hits back in the day.

(For Dionne)

Robin Maxwell's lizard baby from the original V as played by Marc Anthony. No, I made that last part up.

Since the new V is taking TV by STORM (not really), we should pay homage to the breakout star of the original: Robin's lizard puppet baby! Those magnetic cross-eyes! Those Posh Spice nostrils! Those teefs that Kate Moss would die for! A STAR WAS BORN! Unfortunately, lizard baby's time onscreen was short lived. But its performance lives on forever:

(For Dwight)