Hot Slut of the Day

Starla from Bravo's Million Dollar Listing - Those of you that watch this show know that Starla is truly the light of Chad Rogers' life. She is the one who makes his Beatles mop perfectly flip at the bottom. Without Starla around, his hair would just go flat and then he'd probably go crazy(er) in the brains from trying to make it ZING at the tips. Chad takes Starla absolutely everywhere, which isn't that hard since she's about the size of a fetus' nutsack.

Below is a clip of Chad and girlfriend discussing an important matter involving Starla. Oh and Starla also has a Twitter page of her very own (of course). Starla's keyboard must be smaller than nose hair. Adorable!

Image: Chad Rogers Blog

Haruna Ai -Famous Japanese transsexual, TV host, singer and the newly crowned Miss International Queen 2009

This past weekend, gorgeous trannies from all over the world gathered in Thailand to strut and prance for the rhinestone crown and a cash prize. Haruna Ai beat out 20 other hos for the title and became the first winner from Japan. After she was crowned, Haruna told reporters, "I want contests like this to show everyone that they should love each other and live freely. The way of life in Japan is more traditional and transsexuals cannot live freely, but in Thailand they can do what they want."

In addition to Haruna winning the whole thing, her camel toe was awarded the title of Miss Congeniality. Haruna's camel toe will also face off with CoCo at the Miss Camel Toe World 2009 pageant in Egypt next month. There really should be such a thing.

Congratulations to Haruna! Bitch should come over here and compete in Miss America to show those amateurs how it's really done.

Shake 'n Bake - When I was a kid, I always begged my to get this shit because the commercials made it seem like shaking chicken in a bag was the thing to do. My mom always refused, because she knew that you could Shake 'n Bake on the cheap using a plastic grocery bag, stale bread and some Lawry's season salt. Shake 'n Bake was for rich and fancy hos.

Me wanting to Shake 'n Bake so badly was definitely foreshadowing, because now all I do is shake (the old bowl out) 'n bake (until your eyelids go numb)!

I couldn't find my favorite Shake 'n Bake commercial featuring those Southern twins who shout "AND WE HELPED!" at the end, so here's my second favorite with Alice. Sam must have been passed out under a bar stool again, so Pete the Butcher had to cover his shift.

(For Alexis)

Roxanne aka Alex Reid's alter ego - Okay, the time has really come to give Roxanne a few dick claps for effort, because I've seen more of his satin-wrapped peen than I have of Lady CaCa's. Of course, you knew Roxanne was going to do it big on Whoreoween and the bitch did. Roxanne gave his taint the night off and decided to let the dick hang out. TUCK GAME FAIL, but the kinky ho wasn't even trying. Roxanne wanted his wang to come out and play along with his pimply freshly whipped nalgas. And I'm sure they were whipped by Katie Price's tail. We know who wears the butt dick in the relationship.

Here's Roxanne looking succulently sessy last night. I bet if you put lipstick on a boiled nutsack, it wouldn't look as nearly as hot as Roxanne's face. Do it, girl!

I also threw in some pictures of Katie wearing an outfit she usually wears when she picks up Harvey from school. It's her "Mother of the Hour" ensemble.

Deidra Daley Everett - An internet BBW model, wannabe gay icon and a "spooktestant" on Chris & John's Halloween Superstar, which airs on OUTtv in Canada

Halloween Superstar is a reality show searching for...you guessed it...Halloween's biggest superstar. Deidra is a Halloween fangirl, because she loves dressing up and loves candy. However, she doesn't understand why "fun-size" candy bars are so small. Deidra thinks that "fun-size" should mean it's bigger than the regular size. Homegirl does have a valid point.

SPOILER ALERT: Unfortunately, Deidra was executed from the show last week, but she will always be my Halloween Superstar! Shit, she's my every day superstar, because she's a slave to glamour, doesn't mind being called a drag queen and once ate an entire pizza for her fans. To get a giant serving of Deidra, (NSFW) click here to visit her website.

Below is Deidra talking about one of her worst fears:

Obviously, Deidra needs to star in the sequel to Paranormal Activity.

(For Kirby)

Tank Jones - An Anchorage private investigator who is now working full-time as Levi Johnston's hand-holder/bodyguard/manager. First of all, his name is Tank Jones. That's some A-Team shit. Second of all, he's also Levi's dick's official spokesperson, because he's constantly keeping us updated on if the peen will show itself or not in Playgirl. Third of all, he loves alligator shoes so much that he poses next to them in pictures.

Image source

Maria Smith - Concepcion from The Incredible Shrinking Woman - Not only is Concepcion my favorite name ever, but this bitch right here is the best dressed housekeeper off and on-screen. Neon spandex should be everyone's uniform. Oh and I love how Concepcion says she hardly speaks English, but by the sound of it, she speaks it better than I do. Practically. Clip of Concepcion's glamour below (just turn your head at that gross part with Lily Tomlin in the disposal):

Melanie Lapatin - Ballroom dancer champion, choregrapher, Bette Midler's doppelganger and Mary Murphy's arch rival (I made that last one up)

Most of our asses know Melanie from her work on So You Think You Can Dance? where she regularly teaches those kids how to shimmy, sway and sashay. But the magic really comes when Melanie is forced to step in for an injured dancer and perform on the show with one of the contestants. This happened last night when Noelle effed herself up (aka Melanie pushed her down the stairs) and Melanie had to slip into something more comfortable to take her place. THE HEAT! I don't know how Russell was able to dance seeing as though most mortal men would've suffered a non-stop orgasm party in their pants if the goddess Melanie was gliding next to them. Some say love is Melanie shaking her pork chops on stage. Clip below:

Chris Scanlon, just one of the many medicated (and entertaining) hosts on HSN - There have been so many instances that I've watched HSN under the influence and had to flick my eyeballs when Chris Scanlon hits the screen. I swear, almost every single time I mistake Chris Scanlon for Brini Maxwell. Once I realize she's not Brini, I get a bit disappointed, but then my soul jumps back up again when I realize it's Chris. Not only does Chris seem like she just swallowed a speedball dipped in Red Bull, but she's also always talking about going on her honeymoon. It seems like every year (yes, I watch it that much) Chris is getting married to a different dude. HSN hosts are so complex creatures. Perky perfect robot on screen, serial bride off screen.

JoAnna Cameron - Star of the 1970s children's show The Secret of Isis - JoAnna first played Isis on Shazam! and her hotness was so popular that they gave homegirl her own show. The Secret of Isis was the first live-action TV show ever to star a chick superhero. Bitch has got Wonder Woman beat! When Isis ended in 1976, Joanna went on to star in a few other shows, but she later sort-of retired from acting and ended up doing marketing for hotels.

In a recent interview, JoAnna says she's ready for a comeback, "I wouldn't turn down working in the industry, but it also takes them to be proactive and call me!" Why isn't most of Hollywood on the phone to JoAnna right now?! Get the hell up and make the call! If a shit show like Melrose Place can be on TV, then so can The O Mighty Isis! Watch the clip below so you can see what I'm talking about. I mean, those glasses alone deserve more airtime.