Gross

Some of you may already have seen/eaten/barfed up McDonald's "Mac Snack Wrap" which is basically a Big Mac wrapped in a tortilla. McDonald's has been testing it out in certain markets for a few months now.

Thankfully, I haven't come across this yet, because I probably would have already devoured it in a drunken haze only to regret it later while hacking it up on my bathroom floor as my dog watches with a hongray look on his mouth. Seriously, whenever I get the booze-induced barfs, my dog always comes around like the buffet is open for business. I have to clean it up right away or he will. Ugh, it's too early for that grossness.

Anyway, below are some pictures EatMeDaily took of this mess and it really does look like a power bottom had an accident in a tortilla.

I'd be all about it if the tortilla was stuffed with bacon and cheese, covered in batter and deep fried. It could also use some pork rind bits sprinkled on top.

VIA Consumerist

So, I was looking for pictures of LeAnn Rimes and her gayfaced husband Dean for some story about how he's best homegirls with Eddie Cibrian's wife now. Basically, Dean and Eddie's wife are bonding, because they both soon-to-be divorcee's, blah..blah... You can read the whole thing at UsWeekly. Anyway, while looking for pictures, I noticed that LeAnn and Dean are always attached at the head. They are either touching heads or practically touching heads. It's like they are Siamese Twins or constantly posing in a Sears Portrait Studio! Lori and Reba they are NOT!

Is it Dean's way of saying, "Oh, look! I don't like man chowder on my face, because I'm actually touching a female and not getting the dry heaves or squealing like a 2-year-old at Walmart"? You know the only way he's getting through it is to picture LeAnn's head as a giant dildo. And this is probably the closest LeAnn got to ever giving Dean head.

But now that they aren't together, how will they pose by themselves on the red carpet? Their heads will be lost! LeAnn's head is going to roll right off her body, because it will have nothing to lean on. Actually, that won't be such a bad thing.

Crunk + Disorderly posted few quotes from an interview rapper Lil' Boosie did with TSS and well... um...ugh.. well.... Just read for yourself:

TSS: What’s your craziest female on the road story?

Lil’ Boosie: One time a girl was giving me head and she threw up on me.

TSS: (Laughs!!!) Wait a minute. What? What the hell happened?

Lil’ Boosie: Nothing. We were in the room and she was giving me head and I thought it was too far down her throat and she did like this [gagging noise] and it just came out everywhere on me. I just grabbed that motherfucker by her hair and then just ran to the bathroom.

TSS: Alright–

Lil’ Boosie: But guess what though? I went back because I hadn’t gotten my nut after I wiped off. That made me more ready.

TSS: So wait, you let her keep giving you head!?

Lil’ Boosie: After I wiped up and got it clean with that Irish Springs, I had to catch my nut so I let her go on and go back. I made her brush her teeth.

TSS: …

Lil’ Boosie: And we be sticking pill up girl’s booty too!

TSS: Ok look, now I heard on the mixtape with Hurricane Chris, you mentioned that. What’s up with that?

Lil’ Boosie: Yea, it kicks in after 20 seconds. It hits them in 20 seconds.

TSS: How does someone even find that out?

Lil’ Boosie: I get it from my cousin. He did it to a few girls way back in the game. And it just took off. I put it in a song. Everything I put in a song, I’ve tried it. So I put it in her booty hole and it melted. It melts in their booty hole and it hits them in 20 seconds. You never know what they’re gonna do. They may break out crying talking about their momma doesn’t love them or something. It hit them in the booty hole good. The booty is like eating the pill.

TSS: Then they start throwing up?

Lil’ Boosie: Naw, she was off that Goose and Patron. I didn’t put one in her booty. It was Goose and Patron.

I love how Lil' Boosie it making it sound like that chick choked, because his dick was so big. The real story is that homegirl had a moment of clarity and realized whose cock was she was slurping on. However, puking on the peen really is a right of passage for all drunk sluts. Welcome to the club, girl.

And "The booty is like eating the pill" is the phrase that pays for the day. I mean, kids are already sticking vodka tampons and beer bongs up their holes and now ecstasy pills?! I guess the mouth on your face just isn't good enough anymore. Doing butt sex with a pill does not sound fun, though. It probably makes your asshole look like an old person trying to grit their gums. Not a good look.

First of all, try to control yourself. I know Phil Spector's mug shot always makes you want to run out to the nearest costume shop, buy a Scrooge mask, boil it for 5 hours, let it cool and then wet hump it until you go raw....but you must resist. Just this time.

So...600-year-old Phil Spector is currently in the chokey for murdering Lana Clarkson. Phil is crying about the conditions and wants them to do something about it! Dude already wears a diaper, so it's no surprise that he's acting like a baby.

Phil is being moved out of the California Substance Abuse Treatment Facility & State Prison after he told officials that he feels like bitches are going to kill his ass in there. When Phil was told they were moving him to the Pleasant Valley State Prison in Coalinga, he freaked out again and said the place is riddled with Valley Fever. Apparently, 16 inmates died at the prison from Valley Fever within the past 4 years. Phil think he's next.

Phil's trophy wife is also whining for him and she told Page Six, "They are sending Phil there to die. He is scared to death. When I saw him on Saturday, he was shaking . . . He's 70 years old and 130 pounds . . . We are trying to appeal over this, but he's been told he has no time. He's already been given his bus pass out of Corcoran."

The prison officials should show Phil what's it's really like to suffer and throw him in a jail cell filled with mirrors. Seriously, I'd rather spend the rest of my life locked in one of the houses on Hoarders than have to look at that face of fugness every single day. Phil would be begging for a lethal injection shot up the ass in no time.

Truth is, I'm only posting these pictures of Cisco Adler with his piece in Malibu, because it gives me yet another reason to link to (SAFE FOR EVERYONE.... I'm lying...NSFW) a picture of his Slinky sacks. Every pair of eyeballs on this planet must view Cisco's looooong "hamsters in a hammock" nutsack at least TWICE (double your displeasure).

To answer my own question, yes, I'd hit it. Well, I want to see those things in action. But I wouldn't let him hit it from the back. Those things could wrap around and bust one of my eyes out or punch me in the stomach. Actually, it's probably best that you wear a full-body armor suit (with a hole for your fuck part) when taking on Cisco's wrecking ballsack.

And if 10-mile long balls aren't your thing, I also threw in some pictures of Jockey-lover Gavin Rossdale on the same beach as Cisco.

Jon Grosslin's douche express made a stop over in Las Vegas yesterday so that he could host a pool party at Wet Republic at the MGM Grand. Even if MGM paid his ass in Ed Hardy diapers, a pair of CZ studs from Spencer's Gifts and a new potted plastic plant (for Hailey), then they still overpaid. MGM could've just put a lukewarm bottle of Summer's Eve on one of the lounge chairs and it would've been the exact same thing.

IN THIS ECONOMY, a check is a check, but what the hell is next for J.Gross? A rap album (Titled: 99 Problems and Kate is all of them)? A Girls Gone Wild video? Ick Nast. But at least Jon kept his Pillsbury dough moobs under wraps, so that was nice of him.

But enough about Jon and his neverending early mid-life crisis, let's talk about the glamorous beauty that is his mother! Now that Kate's rabid possum isn't around to maul her eyeballs, it's safe for her to come out and douche it up with her son!

Look at Mama Gosselin keeping it sessy in her visor while posing with the fly honeys (copyright: Marky Mark). Speaking of the fly honeys, the one posing with Mama Gosselin in the third thumbnail below is squeezing those thighs for dear life, because I think bitch's little friend is about to steal the spotlight. Tuck game FAIL! Squeeze, bitch, squeeze!

Since they will give a perfume to absolutely anyone (I'm sure even your dealer has one), it's no surprise that Kim Kardassian is coming out with her own queef juice in a bottle.

Kim said that her fragrance will start collecting dust in the storage room of a Walgreens sometime next year. Kim added, “Collaborating with Lighthouse Beauty was a really creative, innovative process. What’s so different about their approach is that they have worked closely with me on all aspects of my fragrance, the bottle, the juice, and even our distribution strategy so I can develop a product that truly represents me and speaks to my fans. Because of their commitment to including me in the process, the fragrance really captures who I am.”

Hmm....Really capture who she is? That means Kim's perfume will smell like Brandy's first piss of the morning (Ray J wasn't available), piping hot butt crack butter, Khloe's nustack sweat, the blood from a warthog Khloe caught during her midnight hunt and desperation (which basically smells like Kourtney's saliva).

Not only will Kim's perfume make you smell like a real asshole, but it can also help to relieve the pain of a jellyfish sting.

VIA WWD

A while ago there was an episode of The Doctors where they showed us all how to get the sweet nectar in our system on the down low. The key words being "down low." According to the episode, teens are getting their fix by shoving vodka tampons up their snatches and sticking a beer bong up their no-nos. This brings new meaning to the term "drunk pussy."

Well, ABC15 in Arizona says that vodka tampons and anal beer bongs are all the rage with kids as young as 12, because it's a way for them to get boozed without much detection. Stephanie Siete of a substance abuse center in Arizona said, "It's quicker absorption, it's hidden and it's new. For females, they're damaging their reproductive system." Yeah, but they won't notice that their vagina cave is dying a slow death, because they will be waaaaaaasted. Paaaartay while your pussay fries!

Stephanie added that kids in Arizona are also doing it Prince Hot Ginge-style by snorting vodka from the bottle.

Kids these fucking days! When I was 12, we were soooo not hardcore. We just used to get high by freebasing DayQuil and injecting battery acid between our toes.

And yes, getting drunk by sticking a vodka tampon up my ass is tempting, but the last thing I need is another visit to the free clinic. Methinks the "wind blew it up my ass" excuse won't work on them. Besides, who the hell wants to burn up their genitals?!!!! For some whores, the pussy and asshole is their check to cash. So basically you are burning up money! No fuck no.

VIA Gawker

Katie Price has only been rubbing her labia lips all over Alex Reid's "Quasimodo after motorboating Aretha Franklin" face for five weeks, but he has declared that he's in love love love with her! This isn't surprising since Alex could probably fall in love with a dehydrated butt nugget if he stared at it long enough and a Carpenters song happened to be playing in the background.

Alex tells NOW Magazine (via DM), "We have an amazing connection. It's something I can't describe in words. We spend an hour just looking at each other in the eyes - it's mad! I've never, ever, ever, felt like this. She questions me about it, and yes I've been in love, but I've never felt like this. I want to be with her all the time. I have told her I love her pretty much every day since we met. And about 50 million times a day."

So, let's see, they stare at each other for hours at a time (see "butt nugget" comment above) and all he says to her is "I Love You" over and over again. Basically, Katie is dating a talking baby doll with a half-melted Mickey Rourke mask over its head who says "I love you" every time she punchs it in the belly button? Sounds about right.

And in other news you can fart to, Katie has denied the rumors that she's knocked up with Alex's child. On her new reality show, Katie brought the cameras into the bathroom and let them film her as she pissed on a pregnancy test. Katie said, "They came in the toilet with me and they've watched it develop... I'm 100 per cent not pregnant, I'm 100 per cent not getting married... there's no babies on the agenda."

I'd rather watch Bobby Brown push out one of Whitney Houston's doody bubbles in slow motion than watch Katie Price squatting over a stick. Well, unless is Harvey Price is in the room telling her to "fuck off." That is the only thing that would make it watchable.

Here's the two lovebirds going to the gym together yesterday and then going for a run.

When you're looking for a quick piece, most of us go to Craigslist, AdultFriendFinder, the bar at Howard Johnson's or a random alley. Not Cameron Diaz. That bitch just goes to her IMDB page and picks out which former co-star she's going to grease up! Cameron has already allegedly been through Leonardo DiCaprio and Jude Law. And now, The Sun is saying that Cameron was out on a date with everyone's favorite flea nest Keanu Reeves and she was trying to impress him with her hamburger swallowing skills. Sucioness.

A witness-type said, "They looked very cosy. Cameron was stuffing her burger in her mouth and playing up the fact that she has that wide mouth. Keanu was laughing - it was strange to see him giggling like that as he's regarded as a bit serious."

Yes, because a Pizza Face stuffing a mound of ground beef in her mouth is really going to make Keanu's dick butter sizzle. Unless the dude is into scat, that shit is not going to turn him on. And if Cameron wants to show off what a fatty fat fat mouth she has, all she has do to is say something.