Kate Moss

Kate Moss and her Count Von Count-looking boyfriend, Jamie Hince, have broken up and this time it's forever. That's what some bitch tells The Sun anyway. A source said they split last Monday after some big fight. I'm guessing their body parasites just weren't getting along. Or maybe Jamie got sick of getting his lip caught on Kate's snagtooth when they kissed.

Now that Kate is single and ready to jingle, Dreamboat Doherty has apparently been begging her to take him back. One of Dreamy's friends told The Mirror: "Pete is pretty single-minded about it. He is desperate for her to give him another chance. He's spent most of the time in his Marlborough cottage trying to figure out a way to persuade Kate to take him back. He believes Kate is 'the one' and won't give up the idea of reuniting."

The friend said that Kate isn't even entertaining the idea of getting back together with Dreamy. She's still heartbroken about her break-up. I'm sure she can't even look at a box of Count Chocula without bursting into cokey tears.

This story is so full of LIES! Stick this story to a polygraph-machine and see for yourself! There's no way Dreamy is begging Kate back. It's the other way around! She probably spends all night banging on his shanty house door, hoping he will take her into his pasty crack arms and slobber heroin phlegm all over her hag face! It's not going to happen! Dreamy doesn't beg anyone for anything. Well, maybe his drug dealer, but that doesn't count.

This is going to be your drunk ass this weekend. Hopefully, me too.

Kate Moss is totally trying to keep the vom from coming up. She's closing her eyes and concentrating, but something tells me Allegra Versace was covered in cokey barf by the end of that car ride. Kate needs to take lessons from this one chick I got drunk with once. This ho barfed into a Corona bottle perfectly. She didn't spill one drop. And then she just threw it into the trash can and said, "Let's do a shot!" That takes major skill. She should go on "America's Got Talent."

Here's Kate being a wasted mess while leaving her third party of the night in London. Why is Kate partying with Kimbo Stewart? Really, Kate? Does Kimbo have the good shit or something? Kate must have been torn up as fuck to be hanging out with Kimbo.

While promoting her new fragrance "Velvet Hour," Kate Moss said that her 5-year-old daughter, Lila Grace, loves the aroma of gas. Kate said that whenever she's at the gas station, she leaves the car door open so that Lila can get her fix. Hey, it could be worse. Lila could be into sniffing the same shit her mommy's into.

Kate went on to say: “I’ve heard it is one of the most preferred scents in the world — maybe that’s something to study for my next fragrance.”

Lila is not alone. It was also my drug of choice when I was a kid. I sniffed that shit like it was computer duster and I was Allison on "Intervention." Yes, it would've been criminal to write a post on sniffing and not mention her ass. I think of her walking on sunshine at least twice a day.

Source: The Sun

British artist Marc Quinn has a major hard-on for Kate Moss. In 2006, he created a sculpture of Kate with her cokey crotch taking center strange. Now Marc has taken it even further. This October, Marc will unveil his $2.8 million, 110-pound solid gold statute of Kate. Solid gold and it only weighs 110-pounds? The real Kate Moss doesn't even weigh half of that. It's a coke statue covered in foolio's gold. Don't be surprised if Marc's work pays a visit to a "museum" in Miami. I know what's going on here.

When asked why Marc chose to make a gold statute of Miss Moss, he answered, "I thought the next thing to do would be to make a sculpture of the person who's the ideal beauty of the moment. But even Kate Moss doesn't live up to the image."

I feel sorry for Marc. He obviously has never seen a picture of the most gorgeous, elegant, stunning creature on the planet: The Empress of Lucite. One of Shauna Sand's poopy nuggets are worth more than 10 of those Kate Moss statues.

The British Museum only released a teaser image of the statute, but I'm pretty sure the whole thing probably looks like something that belongs in an Easter basket. This fuckery will be on display from October 4th through January 25th.

While you were slaving away in your cubicle on Friday, Kate Moss was sunning her cokey face on the Balearic Island of Formentera. Kate, her daughter, her mommy (the ho in the red), Marc Jacobs, Marc's maybe husband and some other hos spent the afternoon doing lazy, rich people stuff.

Kate's little trip to Spain could be bad news for Dreamboat Doherty. Kate has reportedly been looking at churches in Ibizia for her wedding to Count von Count aka Jamie Hince. Gross. I hope the church burns down. Shit. Did I just type that?

A source told the Daily Star that Ibiza is special to Kate, because it's the only place she can do coke in peace! No, she loves it because whores over there have no idea who the hell she is. The source said, “Kate’s barely recognized over there, the weather and surroundings are perfect and it’s the best place to party. It’s got everything she needs.”

Kate can't marry Count von Count! That's not the way it's supposed to be! She's supposed to marry Dreamy. I'm about to charter a floating tire to Ibiza to stop this wedding! Ugh.

Here's more of Kate and company looking beat at the beach. Dudes should have to get a license in order to wear speedos in public. Seriously, you should have to go through some kind of test. That shit is not for everyone.

The filthy love between Kate Moss and Count Von Count aka Jamie Hince is ooooover. The Mirror reports that Jamie has been moving all of his fugly shit out of Kate's house. A source said that the couple of over 10 months had a huge fight on Saturday.

The source said, "Jamie and Kate had a blazing argument in the early hours of Saturday morning. Kate made some comment about a girl who'd been hanging around Jamie and it deteriorated from there. Just hours later, Jamie was packing his things and moving stuff out of her house. By the afternoon, most of it had gone. Kate was expected to watch The Kills play in Kent that evening but she gave it a miss and went to watch the show High School Musical instead." Ouch. High School Musical? If that's not a wet dick slap to the face, I don't know what is.

Count Von Count has been telling friends that the split isn't permanent. He's hoping to smoothe things over with Snagtooth.

I know Dreamboat Doherty isn't good for Kate. I know he probably makes her snort coke through her vagina. I know he probably sprinkles heroin on her no-no hole, but they belong together. They are a match made in crackie heaven.

Dreamboat Doherty posted this lovely video on his YouTube account and dedicated to the snagtoof of his life, Kate Moss. He sings some song called "Bohemian Love" while pictures of him and Kate flash on the screen. I swear, crackies love webcams and cameras. If you don't know what to get your favorite crackhead for Christmas, get them a webcam. They will love you for it.

One of Dreamy's scared pussies also makes an appearance at the 1:45 mark. Pussy looks so relaxed. It probably just had a hit from Dreamy's pipe.

And here's some pictures of Dreamboat at Glastonbury. Who the hell didn't play Glastonbury?! Please tell me Samantha Fox is closing that bitch.

Even fake ass hair can't stand Kate Moss. A hair extensions freed itself from her skull as she arrived at her hotel in Berlin last night. Some pap picked up the horse hair like he won a prize. Wait, maybe he did win a prize! I bet if he shakes that thing over a mirror, he'd get a couple of coke lines out of it. Score!

Kate Moss was in Berlin to promote her new perfume "Velvet Hour." It probably smells like burnt weave, cokey breath, Dreamboat Dohery's love chunks and crumpets. Basically, it smells delicious.

Dreamboat Doherty used some of his crackie crash to buy a Kate Moss painting as well as a Wino painting last night in London. Metro claims Dreamy paid $10,000 for the paintings. That's a falsity! $10,000 in Monopoly money, maybe! Dreamboat himself isn't even worth $10,000! You can probably buy Dreamy for a half-used Bic lighter and a little heroin residue.

Dreamy said the painting were for his "art collection" at home. Please, you know that's where he hides the good shit.

It warms my coal heart to see that Dreamy still thinks of Kate. I'm sure she thinks of him too. She thinks of him every time she wipes her ass with her special Pete Doherty toilet paper.

Look everyone! It's Mary Poppin Pills! Kate Moss led a trio of merry children through Zuma Beach in Malibu yesterday. The kiddies look so happy to be with Kate. They probably think they are on their way to do a few lines. Lines of Pixy Stix powder of course! We used to snort that shit when I was little. That explains a lot.