The Mind Is Boggled

There's a vicious, vicious, vicious remake of Bonnie & Clyde currently in the works starring Hilary Duff and Kevin Zegers. If Satan was a chipmunk-fucking movie producer, he would be behind this slaughter party. Shit like this makes me want campaign for a drug free America, because whoever came up with this brilliant idea was definitely shooting up some of the bad, bad shit.

Faye Dunaway is in my box, because the Chicago Sun-Times says that when she was told about it, she said, ''Couldn't they at least cast a real actress?''

Hilary Duff's jumbo Chiclets were knocked out of her teeth after hearing those 8 beautiful words from Master Faye. That must have felt like a wire hanger up the ass. Hook first. The truth always destroys.

I woke up this morning craving an acid tab, but I don't need to go there anymore thanks to The Killers new video for "Spaceman!" This is the kind of shit I would've come up with when I was 7-years-old after playing with my Barbie, He-Man, She-Ra and My Little Pony dolls together in the backyard. I think they all make cameos in this video in some form or another. This is seriously like The Wiz meets Mad Max meets American Apparel and not in a sexy way.

You know, I would pull the lint out of Brandon Flower's belly button with my ass lips, but that "Venger from Dungeons & Dragons goes to a gay Mardi Gras party" has left me destroyed. But I do thank Brandon for keeping my round velcro mit from the 80s safe on his crotch.