Kate Moss

While hawking out her new perfume called "Vintage," Kate Moss was asked by WWD what one of her mottos is. Kate replied:

"There are loads. There's 'Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.' That's one of them."

Why does this trick sound like my mother when I'm about to bite into a delicious glazed donut? Buzz killer.

Obviously, Kate has never eaten anything off the menu from Claim Jumper, Olive Garden, Red Lobster, IHOP, Chili's, Marie Callender's, Applebees, Coco's, Wafflehouse, Cracker Barrel, El Torito, Old Spaghetti Factory, Panda Express, any State Fair or (insert the name of every restaurant who has fried anything on the menu).

via HuffPo

Above is a little clip of Kate Moss flipping her nostrils after James Nesbitt, the host of the GQ Men of the Year Awards in London, made a joke at her expensive. James apparently LOLed about Kate being nekkid on the cover of GQ. Kate wasn't loving it, so she got up, stormed out and shouted beautiful Dlisted-approved gems like: "How fucking dare he!" and "I'm never coming back to this fucking award show again!" Lily Allen just stood there and giggled. You know you're a special kind of angry drunk when you make Lily Allen look like the picture of a pristine lady. Kudos for that, Kate!

You know, I'm not sure why Kate got all bitchy about some ho making fun of her being naked on the cover of a magazine. Bitch is naked on the cover of EVERYTHING. Seriously, grab a Pennysaver and Kate's bare nalgas will be staring back at you. Run into a random pediatrician's office, pick up a Highlights Magazine and Kate's frownin' snatch will be right there on the cover. Hell, I'm sure Kate's saggies are even on the cover of the Holy Bible at select motels.

So I have a hard time believing she'd freak out over that. Maybe the open bar ran out of hooch halfway through the ceremony? If you ever want to bring out the cunt monster in Kate Moss in 0 seconds flat, just scream one of the following: "LAST CALL!", "YOU'RE CUT OFF" or "WE'RE DRY!".

Kate Moss, her daughter Lila Grace and Lily Allen are currently tramping through St. Tropez. While they are there, Kate Moss is training Lily Allen so that she too can have the body of a cokey supermodel. Closer Magazine (via Daily Mail) says that Lily asked Kate for diet advice, because she wanted to know how to keep the chunk off. Um. Lily could have just watched Kate's "workout video" for tips.

A source said that Kate told Lily that she needs to go on the "Rock Chick Diet" (aka the Three Cs and 1 V diet) which involves ingesting nothing but coffee, ciggie smoke, vodka and champagne! Fuck, that cookie diet shit. The RC Diet sounds like just the thing for me.

Let's see, when you roll out of bed at around 4 in the afternoon, instead of eating a bowl of Cheerios, you slurp down a bowl of vodka. Instead of eating some toast, you light up a ciggie and smoke while you're pinching your nipples to prepare them for a day full of topless sunbathing. Then while you're feeding your vampire boyfriend a bottle filled with blood, you can enjoy a cup of coffee WITH NO LECHE (that will make you fat). For the rest of the day, you continue to walk around with a fag in your mouth (just like Tommy Girl) and a sippy cup of either vodka or champagne in your hand at all times.

And.....Kate mysteriously left out one of the other very important Cs in her diet. Kate forgot to say that you must do your "nostril exercises" at least twice an hour. And instead of brushing your teefs with Colgate, use Cokegate instead. VOILA! There you go! It won't be long before Kate is dishing out her tips to middle America on Oprah.

Now that Blaaaaake and Wino are officially over, he's queefing out a bunch of tales about their druggy shenanigans together and this one co-stars fellow professional snorter Kate Moss! A couple of years back, Blaaaake and Wino were partying it up with Kate at the Gramercy Hotel in NYC. The sweet nectar was flowing, but Kate was in the mood to go skiing, so she asked Wino to fish a bill out of her purse. Wrong move, Kate......

Blaaaaake told The Daily Mail, "Kate had told Amy to get a $10 note out of her handbag to snort lines with. But Amy told me she found two grams of cocaine in there – so she nicked them. We did some in the toilets and had sex, but we did the rest in front of everyone."

Good move, Wino....

Blaaake said that Kate never noticed, because she was under a booze spell as usual. But really, what's 2 grams to Kate? Bitch snorts that in her sleep.

And if BloHan ever invites Wino over for a "snack," she shouldn't be surprised if the little crackie shows up with a shopping cart.

Kate Moss woke up at 6pm the other day and thought to herself, "Tonight, I want to look like the lounge singer love child of an episode of Star Trek from the 80s and the movie Xanadu as seen through the eyes of Sasha Fierce." Balmain granted Kate's wish and she thanked them by ripping that shit up at 4am after a night of saucing and snorting. Although, maybe Kate's drunktardian ways had nothing to do with her wrecking that dress. I mean, she was in the company of an extral-large vanillasicle milkshake. David Walliams' hotness will make any ho split their pants, panties, dress and ass. Bitch can give you an extra ass crack!

Look at the last thumbnail below. David caught a glimpse of his sexiness in the rear-view mirror which caused him to jizz his own pants. Even he is not safe.

Yeah, usually Kate Moss prefers to fuck on carcasses and zombies, but recently she was caught with one of the dudes from the band The Living Things. While on a trip to Berlin, Kate got close to Eve Berlin. So close in fact that they ended up taking off all their panties.

Eve's brother Lillian, who is the lead singer of The Living Things, told The Sun, “Walking in on my brother and Kate Moss with their clothes off, that was very awkward. I don’t like to look at my brother naked. Between my brother being naked and seeing Kate Moss naked with my brother, that was very awkward.”

Just for the record, Lillian and Eve were allegedly born with penises. Their original names were Lawrence and Yves, so don't blame their parents on the reason why they sound like characters Bette Davis has played in movies.

When asked if Kate's boyfriend, Jamie Hince, knows about her slapping Eve's peen with her cokey lips, Lillian said, “No comment. What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”

Well, Kate just can't help it. She's following the rules! You know what they say, "When in Berlin, do a dude named Berlin."

What happens to Kate Moss when she stops drinking alcohol? Does she turn into a Gremlin? Does her overworked liver take the opportunity to finally quit that bitch? Will the alcohol industry request a bail out? Well, whatever happens, we're about to find out, because Kate Moss is off the sweet sweet nectar after she got a fungal infection on one of her feet. No, she didn't stick her toe in the wrong asshole, she claims she picked it up during a janky manicure in New York. Kate is now on antibiotics so she isn't allowed to drink a drop of booze.

A friend told The Sun, “She is certain she caught a fungal infection from the cheap salon. She’s really annoyed as she was looking forward to wearing open-toe sandals now that the weather is heating up. But she’s going to have to keep her feet undercover for a little longer.”

More like she gave a fungal infection to the cheap salon. We're all friends here, let's be honest. But I really feel for Kate. She can't show off snaggle claws and she can't drink any delicious life juice. It's a good thing she has another foot, so she can still inject the bad shit in between her toes. I knew there was a reason God gave us two feet!

Image: Fame Pictures

Topshop and Topman opened in NYC last night and I have to start by telling the power bottoms out there who might not know about this shit that this is NOT a place where hundreds of tops are lined up for your pleasure. I made that mistake when I was in London. I was promptly escorted out by security when I asked where the dick was. It was all very embarrassing.

At last night's opening, Kate Moss and JLo came mouth to cheek. This gross moment is making my stomach crawl up to my throat, but I hope it was good for JLo. Like I hope she got high off of Kate's fumes, because bitch needs it! Maybe if JLo got a hit of the bad shit, she would stop making "I got a doody bubble and it won't come out" face. Actually, a taste of the bad shit might make it worse. I seriously will be willing to put on an entire box of Hazmat-approved rubber gloves so that I can pop JLo's doody bubble Bobby Brown-style. Maybe then will she stop making that annoying IHasFarts face.

And if Chuck Bass chased the dragon, caught it, stumbled into a fruit dehydrator and passed out in there for a few weeks, he'd come out looking like Skeletor. Methinks Skeletor thought plaid would make him look like he's a member of the living. He thought wrong.

Citizens of New York! Quit reading this shit and quickly run out to your local liquor store! Buy every bottle you can get your hands on and then rush home like you've got the runs in a bad way, because Kate Moss is amongst us! Kate will drink this city dry of our sweetest nectar! She will seek it out and won't stop until every last drop has entered her mouth! If you're into the bad shit, you better hide that too, because she'll sniff it out. Before you lock yourself in your apartment, line your front door with toothpaste. Kate doesn't go near the stuff. Don't be scared. We will get through this!

Here's Boozerfield in Manhattan today for the opening of the first Top Shop in the US. She may look all smiley and sober now, but it won't be long before she'll turn into a snarly booze-hungry monster!

Only a crackhead would sneak into a bitch's car thinking they'll never get caught. But if you are a crackhead and you can't fight the urge to do that, then you might as well sneak into Kate Moss' car, because you know that bitch has mountains of the fairy powder all over the place.

That's probably what some crazy ass ho was thinking when she slid into Kate's car last night. The always fucked up Kate didn't even notice, probably because she had some of that coke dust in her eyes, and sat right on the loon! The loon let out a screech and her cover was blown! Kate got up, security grabbed the crazy and threw her out. FOILED! The lunatic's dream of snorting one of Kate's coke boogers was shattered.

And is Kate looking a little knocked up in the belly area? Or maybe those 6 ear piercings that are visiting from 1992 are making her look fat.