Blind Items

Of course everyone is excited to discover who will get an Emmy nod later today. What is far more interesting, though, are the preparations being made for one potential non-nominee. Her staff is gearing up for the worst. They have removed all breakables from the vicinity, and have a bottle of valium at the ready. They have also instructed all non-essential staff to check the nominations before coming in to work so they will know whether they should wear regular work attire or riot gear. (Blind Gossip)

The Emmy nominations are in! If you're a smoker in the Los Angeles-area, don't look so shocked when you go to buy a pack and are told that some crazy blonde bitch ate their entire stock this morning. Just to make it official, my guess is Katherine Heeeeeeeeeiiiggggl?

Which now-married (but then-engaged) starlet hooked up with her geeky dreamboat of a co-star on the set of their film? Wisely, they frolicked in a soundproof room. (Gatecrasher)

ScarJo and The Mac Dude?

Which star has been going on four-hour binges scoffing doughnuts and deep fried food after splitting up from her boyfriend? And she always carries a doggy bag. (3am Girls)

Papa Joe should've bought stock in Hostess the day Jessica and Tony Romo broke up. That's my guess.

Which heiress and sometimes TV star has been taking pregnant horse urine injections to lose weight? The radical diet that can only be found in Europe also asks that you keep it under 500 calories each day while taking the injections. Nope, Not Paris Hilton. (BuzzFoto via Blind Gossip)

I'm going blank, but SJP is probably pissed that she didn't know about this diet when she was pregnant. She could've made a killing!

Photos of which current celeb-magazine-hate-figure are circulating showing her on a night out, with the spunk of a reality show contestant over her clothes? (Popbitch)

Wonky? Because I'm sure she has someone's spunk on her clothes at all times.

Which openly gay TV star likes to show off his stuff at the gym by walking around sans towel - and referring to himself as "porn-worthy?" (Gatecrasher)

John Barrowman (I've heard stories)? I'll also throw in Doogie Hoser (typo and it stays), Robert Gant or Tuc Watkins?

Which media star who impregnated his mistress is said to have another girlfriend infanticipating? (Rush & Molloy via Blind Gossip)

Jesus, let this be Mel Gibson!

What sleaze ball celebutard who is a waste of space and a criminal was at a party in the past week and spotted putting something into the drink of a woman. He claimed ignorance, grabbed her drink, chugged it down and then left the party. (CDAN)

So basically this dumb bitch drugged himself?

This star known for her good looks more than her acting ability has a celebrity boyfriend. They’re on and off for the cameras all the time, but let’s say for today’s sake, that the two are very much together. We wonder what he would say to the fact that she is pursuing a foreign singer with everything she’s got. We suspect it’s not for a relationship, but because the singer isn’t responding how she would like and she’s used to having her way. Not Vanessa Hudgens. (BuzzFoto via Blind Gossip)

Megan Fox, David Austin Green and Rain? Click here for exhibit A.

Which lazy actor hired someone to do his college homework? Learning apparently does not do a body good. (Gatecrasher)

Next time you need your homework done, James Franco, call me. I got six gold stars in kindergarten! And I will work for dick slaps!

This actress loves short skirts. She’s not an ingenue anymore, and they are not appropriate for most of the roles she plays, so she doesn’t wear them all that often herself. However, she is very quick to tell other women she sees in short skirts how great their legs look. Oh, and here’s the really creepy part: If she gets a positive response to her comments about a woman’s legs, she will often follow up by asking the woman if they are wearing underwear or if they’re going commando.We wonder if her man knows that she spends time focusing on other women’s fashion choices and physiques. (Blind Gossip)

Short skit fetish?! Cloris Leachman, obviously.

This C list movie actor in a blockbuster summer movie paid for his date to be at the premiere. As in she charged him by the hour paid. She looked it too. (CDAN)

I'm going to guess Tyrese from Transformers, but there must have been a mix-up. That girl wasn't his date, it was just Megan Fox! She gets confused for a call girl all the time.

This age inappropriate booty call relationship had another episode when our B listers hooked up again. The guy does movies and television but has made his fame on one television show. The woman does primarily television but does a movie when someone is dumb enough to pay her. (CDAN)

Hayden Pantaloons and Milo Ventimiglia? Ick. Nast. When is Milo going to shake this troll fetish? The next time he gets the urge to hump Hayden, he should tickle his b-hole with a troll doll instead. He'll feel better about himself afterwards.

What barely hanging onto A list married movie actor who is always Mr. Macho was seen, umm, how can I put this, getting serviced by a male assistant director on his latest movie. The trailer for the actor was unlocked and a production assistant walked in and now everyone knows. I was shocked when I heard it because I had never heard a peep that he leaned that way. Ever. (CDAN)

YES! Finally a good dude on dude blind item. Let's see....it could be Bruce Willis? This would be kind of funny since the movie he's shooting now is called A Couple of Dicks. My other guesses are The Rock, Sylvester Stallone and Jean-Claude Van Damme?

Which television star called off her wedding the night before the nuptials? She changed her mind after having a sexy fling with the best man. (Gatecrasher)

Jennifer "Love Em And Leave Em" Hewitt?

We were out hiking on a remote section of popular hiking trail last week when we turned a corner and ran into the female star of a well-known TV drama. Having had some business dealings in the past, we stopped to exchange a few words. While we were standing there chatting, the celeb lit up a cigarette. My friend asked her if she usually smoked while exercising. Without hesitation, she responded that if smoking was bad for her heart and walking was good for her heart, she figured that if she did the two simultaneously that they would cancel each other out and she would be healthy. It’s tough to argue with that kind of logic. (Blind Gossip)

This could be only Katherine Heeeeeiiiigl, right? Where was a hongray coyote with a craving for nicotine-stained hags when we really needed one?

Which magical actor is a hit with the ladies but keeps joking that they’re wasting his time as his wand swings the other way? (3am Girls)

When is DanRad going to put his bunny in my bottom hat? That sounded like some Richard Gere shit, but it wasn't meant to! I swear.

Which musically inclined young celeb has been dubbed - behind his back, of course - "Lip Gloss" because he always puts it on before hitting a red carpet? (Gatecrasher)

The always lovely Zac Efron, right? Lainey better start collecting residuals.

These two A/B list celebrity pals are now all grown up and have both been successful. We hear that back in the day when the two were just getting started, one actor was secretly sleeping with the sister of the other actor. The actor to this day, still doesn’t know! No one associated with Leonardo DiCaprio. (BuzzFoto via Blind Gossip)

The Two Coreys?! Ick. Nast. No. My final guess is Vince Vaughn and Jeremy Piven?

This B-/C+ movie actor is married to a B-/B+ television actress. Over the past few months there have been some rumors swirling that their marriage is in trouble. The husband even had to spend several nights away from the family home when his wife kicked him out because she thought he was cheating. This has been a huge shock because everyone has thought they would stay together forever. Not just the public, but their friends and family as well.

Well it turns out that the husband wasn’t cheating at all and that the couple were being played by a D list movie actress (you will never guess her) who is in the husband’s latest movie and a few of her pap friends. The D list actress wanted some publicity and started telling everyone she could think of that she was sleeping with the husband when she wasn’t. Then the paps got into the act by spreading the rumor and it got back to the wife who told the husband to not come home for a few days because even she believed it.

At some point the wife called one of her close friends who is frequently stalked by paps. A few questions were asked and the next thing you know the wife discovers none of it was true and she and the husband make up. The problem is the rumors will not go away and are spreading and multiplying. The only good news is that the D lister has not got the publicity she has wanted. (CDAN)

The married couple is David Arquette and Courtney Cox? The Dlister is Spaghetti Cat?

Image VIA ICHC

Could it be that a certain gay blade has shaved off one beard and grown another? It’s one thing to hang out with that friendly filly who has known her way around a queen or two. Now he’s clinging onto a more desperate dame who, if I’m not mistaken, never met a gay man she didn’t like. His undeniable charms have worked pretty well in the past - his breakthrough happened when he focused on a guy mentioned in this very column. That time, he landed a series. The only thing that could happen with this b* is he’d shrink half a foot and lose all his hair. (Billy Masters via Blind Gossip)

This sounds like Bradley Cooper, but I never got the feeling that his unicorn horn tingles for the peen. I guess the filly is Jennifer Aniston and the other one is Squinty Zellweger? Sarah Jessica Parker better step it up, because she has always been the official homo-lovin' horsey.

Damage control! Which hard-partying actor rushed back to his local AA chapter when he was caught drinking, but is actually still on the sauce? (Gatecrasher)

The Christmas tree attacker himself, Kiefer Sutherland?

This young star, who is swearing he is actually a very good and chaste young man, is actually anything but. We hear that he is sleeping with the wife of one of his handlers, and she is also a good deal older than him. Not Zac Efron. (Buzz Foto via Blind Gossip)

I'm mad at this blind item, because I instantly got an image of David Archuleta nibbling on a cougar with his baby teefs. Ugh.

Which stateside shambles of a celebrity brought more than a suitcase with them on their recent trip to London. The woman was found to have nits in her eyebrows by a make up artist on a shoot. GROO! (Holy Moly via Blind Gossip)

This is a serious situation. Lice eggs in eyebrows?! A crime against eyebrows is a crime against EVERYTHING. My only guess is HoHan and somebody please through RID on her firebrows now!

This television actor has a reputation as being a great family guy. In fact, he seems like one of the last few genuinely nice guys left in Hollywood. The truth is quite a bit seedier. You see, he’s supporting a stripper on the side to the tune of $20,000 per month. Sure, that’s a lot of money - and it’s sad that his wife likely doesn’t know what’s going on - but there’s one fact that makes this really difficult for all the parties involved: the actor is actually totally and completely head-over-lucite-heels in love with the pole girl. (Blind Gossip)

You see what the power of the lucite can do? I have no clue, but The Empress of Lucite's exquisite lucite heels are definitely sparkling something extra today after hearing this rumor. Just for cacas, I'll guess Kevin James?

Which female fans of a highly desired actor are wasting their time? No, he’s not gay, he’s actually celibate but it hasn’t been leaked for fear of running his sexy screen god image. (NW Magazine via Blind Gossip)

The keeper of the magical unicorn forest, RPattz?

Bad Drug Behavior - This former B list television actress was on a hit initial show and now has said goodbye to that and has dropped to a quick C. Anyway, she is known for her love of meth and at a wrap party at the end of the season, our actress decided that she was going to drive her B- list aging comic co-star's SUV through a garage door at the party. A closed garage door. After she had crashed through the door and dented the wall of the kitchen someone asked her why she had done it, and she said just because it was something she had always wanted to do. Nice. (CDAN)

Stephanie Tanner strikes again! This has Mischa Barton's methface written all over it, but I have no idea who the pepaw is?

This Real Housewife was asked to leave a recent high profile charity event because of inappropriate behavior. She got really drunk and kept thinking she was at Mardi Gras and people were throwing her beads. (CDAN)

RAMONA? RAMONA? RAMONA? If it is her, ka-dooz to her for getting boozed at a charity event.

Which singer/actress has pretty much given up playing it straight? She and a galpal openly sucked face after splitting a bottle of tequila at NYC’s Cain Luxe on May 26. (Star via Blind Gossip)

Kathie Lee Gifford, obviously. Or Queen Latifah?

This closeted acting heartthrob is hunting for a new bachelor pad. It’s not because he wants to live alone. It’s because he wants to do something about his current living situation before he really begins hating his ex so much that it interferes with his work. The reason for all the animosity? He caught his ex in bed with a tranny. (Blind Gossip)

Chace Crawford and Chuck Bass? And if Chuck Bass effs trannies I better work on my tuck.

Which up-and-coming film star was smoking an alien substance out in the open at a recent NYC party? (Gatecrasher)

Was the alien substance Tommy Girl's jizzim? I'll guess Chris Pine or Zachary Quinto?

Which aging actress has stayed away from the spotlight of late because she tried to inject her own lips with vegetable oil during a drunken night? (Blind Gossip)

Not Lisa Rinna, because she's been humping the spotlight lately. Herm. Maybe Meg Ryan? Melanie Griffith? Or Lara Flynn Boyle?

Which sexy leading man, known for his wandering eye, recently hooked up with a pouty songstress? The raven-haired rocker is a big change from his usual choice of supermodels. (Page Six)

I am probably so wrong in every way, but I immediately thought of Leonardo DiCaprio and Karen O from Yeah Yeah Yeahs.

Which actor is on hiatus due to a drug relapse? He claimed he needed time off because of the heartbreak of his public split, but he's actually headed to rehab. (Page Six)

Sean Penn?

Which switch-hitting superstar ran into a bit of trouble recently when he tried out a Mrs. Doubtfire-style balancing act with a brother and sister team? One of the siblings caught wind of the situation and told the other and they both walked. (NW Magazine via Blind Gossip)

Brain hurts from this one. This bitch was cross dressing? Tommy Girl? He does have a history of playing dress up. My other guesses are Hugh Jackman or Will Smith?

This intense B list movie and sometime television actor takes parenting very seriously. He knows the reputation of bars and clubs in Hollywood to serve underage celebrities. So, to make sure his B list actress daughter doesn't drink he calls ahead to wherever she is going and makes sure they know they will be in for a world of hurt if they serve her booze. (CDAN)

Bruce Willis and Tater Head? Or Eric and Emma Roberts?

Which mom-to-be should probably plan a DNA test for after the stork arrives? Several men are loudly insisting that the father is not who everyone assumes. (Star Magazine via Blind Gossip)

OctoSana?!!!! This might be proof.

Which star of that cable phenomenon didn’t thank her husband at the Emmys because he was fucking his female co-star on Broadway around that time? (Village Voice via Blind Gossip)

SJP? But the most shocking thing about this is Matthew Broderick doing sexy times with a bio-female? Are we sure it wasn't a really purdy dude?

This actor is C list, and has done 90% television. At one time in the not too distant past he was B list and decided to roll the dice for A list and came up empty. Since that roll of the dice it has been all downhill at a very fast rate. Even though our actor barely works, he was on a very big hit show for several years. People recognize him. He doesn't have a problem picking up women to take home. The other night he had four competing for his attention at a nightclub. A very crowded club. Instead of being a gentleman about his potential one night stand for that night, our actor said the one who took off the most clothes and got the most dirty while standing on the table would get to go home with him. All four ended up getting completely naked. This resulted in the actor and the women being asked to leave the club. When they got outside, our actor was asked who he had chosen and he replied, "None of you. I just wanted to see what you would do to fuck me." (CDAN)

Ed Asner? Jaleel White? Matt LeBlanc? David Spade? Or Jesse "Chichis" Metcalfe?