Try The Jello

Since today's theme is 80s rock stars in trauma, here's some news about Bono undergoing back surgery in Munich. A spokeswhore for U2 tells Reuters that Bono effed his back up while rehearsing for the North American leg of their tour which was supposed to start in Salt Lake City on June 3rd. Insert your very own "his ego was too heavy" joke here.

Because watching Bono being wheeled around on a hospital bed isn't exactly what U2 fans want to see (or do they?), the Salt Lake City show has been postponed. A statement from the rep's mouth:

"Bono has today undergone emergency back surgery for an injury sustained during tour preparation training. He was admitted to a specialist neuro surgery unit in a Munich hospital. Bono will spend the next few days there, before returning home to recuperate. Once his condition has been assessed further, a statement will be made regarding the impact on forthcoming tour dates."

Carrying the entire world and the wrath of Ireland's Department of Finance on your back isn't easy, so this was bound to happen. Bono needs to take a deep breath, strap a support belt around his waist and lift from the legs!

Unfortunately, this is sad Adam Ant news. The Daily Mail says that Adam, who suffers from bipolar disorder, has been sectioned under the Mental Health Act and is now receiving treatment at a hospital in London. If you're tasting a few drops of Cheetos on your tongue it's because Adam has basically been put on a 5150 hold. They call it section 4 in the UK. We're learning stuff.

Adam was shuffled off to the hospital after he had a series of public freakouts over the past few weeks. During a charity show last week, Adam asked if there were any Christians in the audience and then he told them to "FUCK OFF." I'm not sure what's so crazy about that since Roseanne writes that on her blog on an hourly basis. Oh wait.

Strangely enough, the crowd showered Adam with boos instead of claps and he was escorted off the stage.

Adam released a special message to his fans asking them to send him cards instead of stalking the hospital lobby:

Ant fans - please send me postcards at the Chelsea & Westminster Hospital, Fulham Road. Please don't come down here as it may upset the staff who have been really pleasant.

I am having a well earned rest at Her Majesty's Pleasure and am painting and continuing being an art student. I have a great view and am considering gigs later in the year.

Eat the jello and get better, Adam. Every time I tell someone to "FUCK OFF" this weekend, I will dedicate it to you.

Just one day after appearing on Oprah, Bret Michaels has once again found himself spreading his golden European weave across a hospital pillow after he suffered a warning stroke and doctors found a hole in his heart. Yes, Oprah and then a warning stroke. Related? Possibly. Maybe. Definitely. Yes.

This statement was released on Bret's website today:

Bret Michaels was readmitted to the hospital this week after suffering numbness on the left side of his body, predominately his face and hands which doctors described as a Transient Ischemic Attack (TIA) or warning stroke. While MRI and CT scan tests were being conducted, Michaels also received a Doppler Ultrasound of his legs and lower abdomen looking for blood clots and most importantly an Ultrasound Bubble Test of his heart was conducted which proved positive for a Patent Forum Ovale (PFO), a hole in the heart. Dr. Zabramski (Bret's neurosurgeon), Dr. Becker (who ordered the test), Dr. Cook (who conducted the test) and Dr. Frey (Director, Outpatient Stroke Program) all confirmed the results.

Dr. Zabramski states "There is no doubt that the positive Patent Foramen Ovale (PFO) is devastating news to Bret and his family. The good news is that it is operable and treatable and we think we may have diagnosed the problem that caused the Transient Ischemic Attach (TIA) or warning stroke; however we feel it is highly unlikely this is connected to the brain hemorrhage he suffered just a few weeks earlier. Once again it is great that he quickly reacted to the severe numbness and got to the hospital immediately."

Dr. Zabramski continues, "I realize Bret wants to make a full recovery so that he can be active with his family, attempt to attend the finale of Celebrity Apprentice and especially get back on the road to continue making music. Without a doubt he is very determined to get healthy and make a 100% recovery. Medically speaking it is a fantastic attitude both mentally and physically for him to have. However, Bret's brain and body are not quite 100% yet, especially with the hole found in his heart. Further tests will be conducted throughout the week and I will have more information next week as to how this Patent Foramen Ovale (PFO) will be treated. For now, Bret will be treated with outpatient care which includes a daily injection of Lovenox (a blood thinner to reduce the chance of blood clots) and blood tests."

Bret's rep said that he's walking around and is in good spirits. Bret is hoping to make it to the live finale of Celebrity Apprentice this Sunday in NYC. Bret's rep did not say if he was watching Busty Cop 3 at the time. Bret just needs to stay away from Busty Cops 3 from now on. That shit isn't good for his health. Stick with Busty Cops 2.

When it rains it pours for Jenna Jameson. Specifically, it rained baby barf all over her last night. Just a few days after Jenna Jameson's husband Baby Huey got arrested for allegedly getting violent on her ass, she was taken to the hospital via ambulance after one of her twin sons started spewing the insides of his stomach all over the place. You would think that Jenna is used to being sprayed...Okay, I'll stop!

Jenna tells TMZ that her son Journey started projectile vomiting at 11 at night. Jenna was home by herself, so she decided to call 911. The paramedics shuffled Jenna and her son off to the hospital, where Journey was given fluids before going home a couple of hours later. The doctors told Jenna her son probably has the stomach flu.

Hm. While the doctors think her son's vom party was a direct result of him having the flu, I think it was the exact moment he realized his name is fucking JOURNEY. Dude just couldn't hold on to that feeling.

Bret Michaels is still laid up in the ICU after suffering a major brain hemorrhage on Thursday night. Over the weekend, Bret's father said that things were looking good, but his rep immediately shot that claim down and said that his condition is still listed as: For Serious.

Yesterday morning, Bret's rep gave another update on his website:

At this point Bret remains in ICU in critical condition. He is under 24 hour doctors care and supervision. We are hopeful that further tests will locate the source of the bleeding, which has still not been located. As we all know Bret is a fighter and we are hopeful that once all is complete the slurred speech, blurred vision and dizziness, etc., will be eliminated and all functions will return to normal.

A source also tells People that Bret called for an ambulance (or an "am-boo-lance" as my chola cousin calls it) on Thursday night because he felt like he was getting "hit in the head with a baseball bat over and over again." Or hit in the head with a piece of scenery over and over again. DAMN TONYS!

You know, right after I read about Bret being in the hospital, I re-watched his accident at the Tony Awards. While skimming the comments, I found this:

This is nauseating to watch - it is ABSOLUTELY the cause of his current brain stem injury. Also, nauseating is the laughter about it. I hope his family sues the daylights out of the Tony Awards people.

I co-sign (not really). But doesn't she mean sue the spotlights out of the Tony Awards people? Most of them haven't seen daylight for YEARS!

When the news broke yesterday about Bret Michaels suffering a brain hemorrhage, it didn't look good. Bandannas everywhere refused to tie, weave tracks weeped, and fans from East to West had their lighters up. But Bret's father Wally Sychak tells Radar that he spoke to his son last night and he sounded "in good spirits."

Wally said, “I talked to him this morning. He sounded upbeat and positive but they had him sedated. But he’s doing good. He sounded like my son. We’re all keeping our fingers crossed and saying our prayers. He just needs to be quiet now and get rested.”

Wally added that the doctors still aren't 100% sure what caused the hemorrhage, but they all believe it had something to do with his recent emergency appendectomy and his type 1 diabetes.

Here's hoping the news continues to be positive and Bret fully recuperates so that he can gift the world with Rock of Love Cruise.

UPDATE: Bret's manager posted this on his website today: "There are several incorrect reports on Bret's condition. Bret remains in critical condition at an undisclosed location. Further tests are being ran and information will be updated in the coming days."

Oh damn. This doesn't sound good. Bret Michael was rushed to the hospital late last night after he suffered a major hemorrhage near his brain stem. I blame the Tony's.

A source tells People that Bret is currently in critical condition. The source added, "After several CAT scans, MRIs and an angiogram, doctors decided to keep Michaels in the ICU and are running several tests to determine the cause. It will be touch and go for the next few days while he is under intense observation."

Bret recently underwent an emergency appendectomy in Texas early last week.

Get better, Bret. DJ Lady Tribe is standing by with her rap of hope written on a herpes pamphlet. It might perk you up.

For the second time in 12 months, Phoebe Price got into a car crash, which left Mama Cutlets laid up in the hospital with injuries. PP was rattled something serious, because she didn't even strike one signature pose for the paparazzi! Shit got real.

I mean, there were several firefighters there just waiting to be posed with, and PP ignored them completely. Usually when PP hears the click of a camera, her eyes light up like a drunk on Mardi Gras, her cutlets pop and she gives the paps everything she has! But not yesterday. Hmmm.

You've probably been releasing good thought balloons all day, so send one more to Mama Cutlets! Or at least stick a candle in a frozen cutlet.

Dennis Hopper is currently battling prostate cancer and is in the middle of a filthy nasty ass divorce war, but he still managed to make it to Hollywood this afternoon to accept his star on the Walk of Fame. The likes of Jack Nicholson and Viggo Mortensen watched as a frail Dennis thanked the crowd and also explained that the bandages were the result of a recent fall.

Dennis probably knew he had to come when Jack told him he was going to wear an Easy Rider shirt. Dennis had to see this shit for himself.

Puck, the Pedro-hating dirty bike messenger from The Real World: San Francisco, is seriously messed up in the body after his car flipped down an embankment and landed on its roof in a creek last Friday. Sources close to Puck's family tell TMZ that he was driving down Route 79 in San Diego with his 8-year-old son, when he lost control of his car after swerving to miss a deer.

After the crash, Puck and his son found themselves trapped in the car. Puck helped free his son who ran to get help. They were both shuffled off to the hospital in an ambulance. Puck suffered broken bones in both of his feet, one of his hands and his neck. Dude's sternum and clavicle were also fractured. Puck's son suffered bruising to several of his internal organs. Puck will be in the hospital for a few more days. His son has already been released.

I'd like to know if the deer winked at Puck before he swerved to miss it. If it did, then we know that Pedro was reincarnated as one of Bambi's relatives.