Unless Prince Hot Ginge takes off his fancy uniform, jumps on top of a horse riding in the procession to Buckingham Palace and hula hoops a cock ring of fire with his peen, Grace Jones' performance at the concert yesterday is the only highlight of the Diamond Jubilee. While dressed like a peacock from Mars, Grace Jones performed "Slave to the Rhythm" while keeping a hula hoop up with her hip shimmies. Cancel Britain's, America's and (insert the name of every country followed by a "'s" here) Got Talents, because Grace Jones has won all of them.
Apparently, Grace has done this before, but this is the first time I've seen it. I'm sure it was The Queen's first time too, which is why I'm disappointed that she didn't run up to the foot of the stage to throw all her crown jewels at Grace. Grace earned 'em!
Try to copy+paste those moves, Lady Caca.
Picture this in slow motion with Delibes' Flower Duet serving as this scene's soundtrack. It's the only way. Page Six says that Vogue's own dreckitude assassin Andre Leon Talley was preciously perched at the end of a bench in the front row of Costello Tagliapietra's fashion show on Friday afternoon. ALT sat there silently judging all of those around him behind his sunglasses.
And then like a scene out of the sequel to Scarlet Takes A Tumble, everybody but Andre got off the bench at once. The witness says that ALT was at the wrong end of a see saw fail and he hit the ground. A few seconds after ALT hit the ground, a circle of quakes formed around him and quickly spread to the rest of the room knocking every bitch off their feet. If ALT goes down, we all go down! Okay, that last part didn't happen, but I'd like to think it did.
The witness went on to say, "He fell onto his side, and security immediately pulled him to his feet."
You better believe that somebody got fired for this. When ALT is through with them, they'll be lucky to get a job folding poly-blend toddler sweaters in the stock room of a Gap Kids outlet. Actually, that sounds like a better gig than being ALT's assistant.
And since we're on the subject of international fashion icons of this generation, here's a few pictures of Grace Jones at the US Open yesterday.
Lady Gaga has been accused of swagger snatchin' from the likes of Roisin Murphy, Vadge, Heat Miser, Marge Simpson, the glamorous crackhead at Rockefeller Center who wears trash bags as gowns, Dale Bozzio and Grace Jones. Well, the latter is speaking up about Lady Gaga trying to rip the wig off her head (so to speak) and she's not happy about it.
When The Guardian (via Access Hollywood) asked Grace what she thinks about Lady Gaga, she said, “I really don’t think of her at all. I go about my business." SHUT DOWN! KILLED OFF! KICKED BY A UNICORN! PIMP SLAPPED! CHOCHA SLAMMED! Etc...etc...
They also asked Grace if Gaga ever asked to worked with her, “Yes, she did, but I said no. I’d just prefer to work with someone who is more original and someone who is not copying me, actually."
Grace is one of the original weirdos, so if you have to be kicked to the ground, pushed into the gutter and shat upon, it might as well be by her. Speaking of Grace's caca, I bet it looks like this.
It took me a few nipple pinches and a couple of eye blinks to realize this was Grace Jones in her natural state! I almost didn't recognize her without a broken disco ball on her titties or a sandcastle on top of her head. Even without all that glitter, Grace is perfection. You won't ever catch me saying a bad word about her. If Grace wants to grow out her Chia Pet Pits (see thumbnail #2), she can!
By the way, proof of Grace's powers are in the picture above. Grace is text-messaging with her cooch! Hands are for amateurs.
Only Grace Jones can wear the fuck out of a rattan basket from the Reagle Beagle or whatever the hell that thing is on her head. The fucked up shit she wears is too advanced for mortals. We don't understand it. But seriously, Grace Jones can destroy us all with just one roar.
Grace Jones is what Solange wants to be when she grows up. She's down in her basement right now trying to recreate this shit using an old wooden salad bowl, placements and some busted ass V for Vendetta mask she bought on eBay. She can try all she wants, but Grace Jones cannot be duplicated.