This is a clip from CBS' Early Show of a kinky ass beaver (we'll call Fergie Ferg) sending piss drops into a woman's eye without taking her to dinner first.
Um. R.Kelly, pull your panties back up! It's not that kind of clip.
And here we have 18 pairs of smiling lips from the Clemson Women's Rowing Team, who are happy because they just won first place at the Head of Cooch. I mean, Head of Hooch. HOOCH! Although, if there was such a thing as the Head of Cooch, they would've won first place there too.
Today is Sesame Street's big 4-0, which means it won't be long before we see Big Bird riding around in a new red Corvette with a young trophy ho and Oscar the Grouch shopping at Ed Hardy with Jon Gosselin. No, this will never happen, because Sesame Street will forever be an 8-year-old stoner. Thankfully.
I had a hard time trying to figure out my favorite Sesame Street clip, but then one of my friends sent me the one below. I've never seen it, but it's now at the top of my list. Let this girl serenade you as she takes her pet llama to the dentist in NYC to get his busted up grill fixed.
If you think about it, this shit is kind of fucked up. Why does this chick have a llama in NYC? And why is the dentist dude totally cool with a big animal strolling into his office? They are all stoned (even the llama). That's the only explanation.
You can always count on Sesame Street to get you high without having to call your dealer.
Some of you might have already seen this wreck since it's a few weeks old, but I thought you should get re-acquainted with it seeing as though the holiday shopping season is almost upon us. Why bother spending precious time circling the parking lot for an available space when all you have to do is shift your vehicle into 4-wheel drive and drive over any cars in your way. Put that shit in park and you're good to go! You might want to get yourself a little ladder so that you don't scrape your sexiness on the destroyed cars below you. You don't want to do that.
And just so you know, the driver of the BMW was caught just hours after this video went viral. 62-year-old Tripta Kaushal was charged with failing to remain at the scene of the accident. She's due in court on December 1st.
Nobody show this shit to my dumbass cousin who believes that all women, Asian people (including me) and the elderly should never be able to apply for a drivers license. I will beat him with a drumstick at Christmas dinner for you.
via O Hell Nawl
There should be a Mister Rogers statute in every town since a lot of us spent quality time with him as children (and as grown-up stoners). The city of Pittsburgh recently unveiled their homage to Mister Rogers called "Tribute to Children." This looks more like a tribute to cat litter. Mister Rogers is way too good for this shit. Shit being the key word here. This reminds me of "Shit Chet" in Weird Science and that is the extreme opposite of a compliment. Why did they have to do (doo) Mister Rogers like that?! Daniel Tigercat probably hit the floor when he saw this thing and he's not going to get up. Let us all weep.
On a positive note, at least they don't have to spend money cleaning up pigeon poo off this statute, because it will blend right in.
Elizabeth Lambert of New Mexico's women's soccer team is definitely the kind of chick you want on your team. Watch as she almost decapitates a ho and trips another girl without taking her eyes off the game. Elizabeth has got that bitch tick. Cuntourettes is what doctors call it. Whoopin' tricks and yanking tails just comes natural to her.
And BOO BITCH on the lady saying that this kind of behavior is "over the line." This is right on the line. This is the way soccer was meant to be played.
It's the attack of the 27ft tranny! This is a giant effigy of Katie Price which will be torched in front of 10,000 people on Saturday. For the past ten years the Edenbridge Bonfire Society has chosen one famewhore to burn at their annual bonfire celebration in Kent. It's like Burning Man, but way sluttier. The free clinic will be standing by to treat anyone who suffers from whore inhalation.
Truthfully, this really doesn't look like Katie Price. I mean, one of her tittays is bigger than that entire thing. They don't do her massive chichis justice at all. This looks more like Alex Redi's tranny alter ego Roxanne. The Edenbridge Bonfire Society should make mini-versions of this which could be used to scare off just about anything.
Since today's running theme seems to be BOOZE (as usual), here's a clip out of Moscow that has been making the rounds. A forklift drivers lost his footing and accidentially crashed into a pile of boxes causing a gigantic avalanche. What makes this extremely tragic is that the boxes were filled with sweet, beautiful VODKA! It really looks like we're witnessing the world ending. If vodka went extinct, the human race would go exctinct. Think about it. Vodka + Humans = Unprotected Sexy Times = BABIES!!!.
Thankfully, the driver escaped with only minor injuries to his leg. But the owners of the warehouse lost nearly $150,000 in vodka. Let us weep.
However, they didn't have to pay too much for clean-up since they simply invited Amy Wino over for afternoon cocktails.
And here's my favorite celebrity Halloween costume of the year. It's James Gandolfini trying desperately to give a fuck while out trick or treating with his son in NYC. James obviously tried hard since I'm sure it wasn't easy pulling that beat down Homer Simpson mask out from under a Hoarders' "safe pile." Although, James could have left the mask at home since he already has organic grouchface.
P.S. - I think the dog in the first thumbnail below agrees with me. Doggy is obviously screaming over joy at James' costume. Or maybe doggy is just overwhelmed by James' epic "gut over bagina."
It really isn't Halloween until last year's HSOH (Hot Slut of Hallowpeen) Tim Curry opens up his precious mouth and serenades us while waving his sexy pink cape around. And The Grand Wizard is always right: anything can happen on Halloween. This is why you have to wax and bleach your important bits, stock up on morning-after-pills, give your toilet a pep talk and write your address on your forehead with a Sharpie just in case!
Happy Halloween to all! If you get arrested, make sure to give us a TSG-worthy mug shot.