Open Post

If you didn't catch the season premiere of Frankie & Neffe on BET last night, then do yourself a huge favor and yell at your Tivo to get on it! To celebrate the premiere of their show, Frankie & Neffe threw themselves a party in Atlanta last night. Frankie, who is a former(?) crackhead and Keyshia Cole's mother, is known for acting the fool wherever she goes, but these are pictures are just...DAMN! Why does it look like Maryann from True Blood got the shakes and gave them all the fever?

And there's only 3 people who can pull off a cut-out zebra catsuit over jeans with a sparkly fannypack/belt. They are: Frankie, Noah Cyrus and every single Glittery Gay of YouTube.

Visit FreddyO to see more pictures from last night. Warning: They might give you an instant hangover.

Anna Paquin is on the cover of Nylon, so they threw her ass a big party in Los Angeles last night. Anna must have been feeling nostalgic, because she's wearing one of En Vogue's old dresses from the 90s. Give it up, turn it loose. And I'm guessing Stephen Moyer rushed straight from the True Blood set, because he didn't take off his Vampire Beeeehl make-up. Yeah, I know they are done shooting for now, but let's just go with it. Let's also say that one of Lafayette's earrings accidentally blew into Beeehl's ear. Blame the wind.

At yesterday's V Festival, Lily Allen showed off her surfboard tittays by wearing an ensemble fit for a Hunts Point vagina vendor. It's Hookerpatra!

Yes, most toddlers have bigger chichis than Lily, but slutwear is for everybody! It really is. If you've got a massive "gut over bagina," throw some mesh on it and hit the streets. If you've got three ass cheeks, stuff 'em into some spandex and call it a day. And if you're like Lily and you've got bubbies the size of lentil been seeds, then throw on a bodysuit you found in Frederick's training bra section and git it!

HO SHIT: It's everyone's right (sarcasm).

Let's see, if you want two hot pieces to follow you around wherever you go, you have to do the following: sell your soul to the devil so you can age 300 years without dying, get a vampire/zombie hybrid to turn you, get a job making millions of dollars selling overpriced shit and dress like an old-timey piano player who happens to be a major Cher fan. Hmmm. Seems easy. I better get to work!

Here's the Crypt Keeper of FABULOUSNESS with two walking sex sticks in St. Tropez yesterday.

Everyone in this picture, besides Harvey, needs to go down to The Get A Clue Store and buy their entire stock! When Harvey Price is plugging his ears, that means you need to immediately shut your gaping mouth hole! What part of "Harvey doesn't want to listen to your screeching" do they not understand? And Katie Price is the worst of them. Look at her screaming like she's got a dry cock up her as.... Wait, why does her hatchet-faced boyfriend have a smug look on his face? Katie wouldn't...would she? In front of the kiddies? At an amusement park? On a log ride? She totally would.

Here's more of Harvey, Katie and her water-damaged leather piece at Thorpe Park yesterday. And yes, Katie brought a camera crew with her, because she wants to document all these private moments....and air them on TV for millions to see.

On Today this morning, they went via satellite to the North Pole for an interview with Nora the Piano Playing Cat and her owners, Santa Claus and his mistress. Nora's owner said that she's a bit of a diva and the ivory tickling pussy proved this by basically only playing a couple of notes. Maybe Nora's not a morning puss like Whitney Houston?

Nora spent most of the interview taking a good look at herself in the piano. You know she was thinking to herself, "Am I really stuck with these two crazies forever?"

VIA Urlesque

Here's John Goodman (aka always Dan Conner to me) carrying a couple of tanks filled with whipped cream (his afternoon snack) on the NYC set of his movie, POPOZAO 'N Cheese: The KFed Story. No, John is working on some shit called You Don't Know Jack.

Peep at the tiny pepaw behind. No, it's not a micro-machine version of Ian McKellen. It's none other than Tony Montana himself! Al Pacino doused his dome with silver to play professional plug-puller Dr. Kevorkian. Brenda Vaccaro is also in this shit, so you know it's going to be a winner (Supergirl, anyone?).

You know shit must be good in Naomi Campbell's life if she's actually smiling AND dancing. Homegirl usually only breaks a sweat when she's busting a bitch in the face. But you know, we'd all be dancing for joy too if we were sexing on a big bag of money.

Here's more of Naomi doing the "My Pussay is Cashin' In Big" dance while partying at the VIP Room in St. Tropez a couple of nights ago with her boyfriend Vladislav Doronin.

WARNING: If you click on one of the first four thumbnails, Naomi's ashy crotch goiter may punch you in the eye. Make sure your insurance policy covers such incidents before you click.

Some dude in Toronto has been partaking in a little golden shower action by himself in the lobby of an apartment building for years and the tenants are pissed (easy pun). They decided to take some action and plastered pictures of the Pee Pee Vandalizer and his tiny accomplice all over the neighborhood. They want his peen head (which looks like the size of a baby mushroom cap).

Just by doing a little simple math, I think I figured out who the mystery pisser is:

Toronto + A Tiny Wang + A Big Asshole = DIMITRI THE LOVER!

VIA OMG BLOG

The brilliance that is Cornify now has a partner in pretty who can help us fight the fugly during our internet travels. I present to you...KITTENIFY! It's just like Cornify, but instead of looking like RPattz shook his dandruff all over your screen, KITTENIFY gives you KITTENS!

All you have to do is add this site to your bookmarks and whenever something is making you burp blood (i.e. the above headline), just KITTENIFY IT. Now your brain doesn't have to think about Heidi Montag's 20 orgasms, because you'll be too busy "awwwing" at the precious puss.

(Thanks William)