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This is for all you kinky foot fuckers out there! And for those of you who get the crotch seizures whenever you see bare feet, you can curse my name later.

You know, Hugh Jackmeoff's nekkid feet aren't as disturbing as his wife's horrific platform flip-flop/chankla things. Thank the fuck my abuelita didn't know about those things when I was a kid or I'd been in the Guinness Book of World Records for suffering the most concussions.

Here's Hugh catching every disease known to Parasite Hilton's snatch while walking barefoot in NYC the other day.

Cynthia Nixon was on the set of Sexo en la Ciudad Dos (it sounds hotter in Spanish) WITHOUT Rojo Caliente. ILLEGAL and HURTFUL! Doesn't Cynthia know that she should never ever leave home without Rojo. Eff, AMEX, don't forget your Rojo! Cynthia could've carried Rojo in that ginormous bag of hers.

And Cynthia even teased us by making the same face she makes when she's getting down on Rojo's hot box. How rude.

It's been over four months since our last Rojo sighting. I'm going to have to start snorting saw dust and sleeping with a pair of Bugle Boy khakis to deal with the withdrawals.

Anyway, here's Cynthia, SJP and Patricia Field on the SATC2 set in the West Village yesterday afternoon. Once again: WHERE'S ROJOOOOOOOOO?

This is a minute long video of an adorable puppy in Japan exposing his privates while trying desperately to get up off the floor. I got a case of the "awwwws" at the very beginning, but after a few seconds of watching his poor ass trying to roll over, I screamed "Sooooomebody help that puppy up!"

There's a lazy ass dog in the background who doesn't even look up. Couldn't that bitch help a homeboy out?! Seriously, somebody in Japan needs to run over to make sure this puppeh friend finally got up. Get him a Life Alert!

And don't laugh, because you know this is going to be you on Tuesday morning after your debauchery-filled three-day weekend.

VIA Best Week Ever

Tokio Hotel has a new album out which means that the purdiest alienbot in the game, Bill Kaulitz, is going to be killing our sex appetites us left and right with his glittery and gritty glamour. Here's Bill work-work-working his new "Aunt Entity" hair in Paris yesterday. And Bill is definitely keeping us guessing with those "drop the crotch" pants. Git it, Billy!

38 years ago today, angels came down from heaven carrying a brilliant lucite pearl, because they believed the world needed more elegance and glamour. As soon as Shauna Sand's perfect toes touched Earth's soil, stripper poles got shinier, titty implants got harder and lucite was born. Yeah, anything they called "lucite" before then was just cheap low-grade plastic, because it had not been blessed by Shauna!

Last night, The Empress of Lucite and her greasy baguette went out to celebrate the most important day in history by gracing the streets of Hollywood with her gorgeous presence. Shauna is so pure of heart, because she is thinking of others on her special day. Speaking of, why are you at work? This is the most important day in history!

You must immediately leave the office, head to the nearest Frederick's, purchase a pair of exquisite lucite heels, go home, place them in the middle of the room, decorate them with lights, kneel before them and thank the heavens above for giving us the gift that is Shauna Sand!

And Shauna didn't wear her main lucite heels last night, because they like to spend the evening before her birthday handing out heels to less fortunate whores on Hollywood Blvd.

YES, such a thing as the National Singles Cougar Convention exists and the first one was held in Palo Alto, CA last Friday night. Exquisite eyebrows + titty implants circa 1984 + hongray hongray snatches + copious amounts of Lady Era + horny young peen = A GOOD OLE' TIME! Eff SATC2! This is the real shit right here!

Cougars from all over the land gathered together to go cub hunting! Apparently, none of the ladies were looking for commitment, they just wanted some fresh dick for the night. Work that shit, you old whores! Hunt, pounce and bust! Get yourself a hot

SF Weekly has more pictures from this elegant affair. Warning, you may see your momma in some of the pictures, so be-fucking-ware.

"Are you having another hot flash or am I just doing something right?" - Cub to his Cougar in the last thumbnail below.

This is an entire segment from a local news station in Alabama devoted solely to a magic broom that can stand upright by itself for hours at a time. Actually, that's kind of impressive since Lindsay Lohan can't even do that.

Christy Burdett, the owner of a soon-to-be opened vintage store in Prattville, says she had to pinch her ass lips when she first saw the broom standing by itself in the middle of the room. When someone pushed it a gently, the broom bent a little and then stood right back up. And this is where it gets really crazy! When another person knocked the broom to the floor, they were able to make it stand again by placing it in its special spot. MIND BOGGLING CRAZY! If Christy tells us the broom can push dirt into a pile too, I will lose my mind! And then I will sell everything I own, move to Prattville and devote my entire life to worshiping that magic broom!

When news of the magic broom swept (GONG!) through Prattville, bitches came in droves to witness its supernatural powers. When Christy's store opens, she plans to make the magic broom the star attraction, because she thinks it's good for business.

Christy should do more than that. She should move to Las Vegas and produce a magic show starring that broom. I mean, if Criss Angel can do it.....

VIA Videogum

Japan has officially become the land of animal eyebrows (aka the land of all things important)! First, they brought us the Columbo dog with eyebrows and now they have delivered the lil' pussy with brows (insert landing strip joke here)! No Sharpies were used in the making of this kitten's eyebrows. They are au naturale.

Don't even say pussy's brows are all shades of wonky, because they aren't! They kind of look like angel wings, which makes sense since a pair of exquisite eyebrows are a gift from God.

VIA Buzzfeed

POW! Rich at FourFour put together a montage from Marky Mark's (aka Monk-D Cock-D if you're feeling gangsta) 1993 workout video. This was way before Marky Mark was trying to win Oscars. This is definitely the Marky Mark that gave me good vibrations in my not-so-private areas. POW!

If you turn off the air conditioning in the room you're in, put this video on mute, and take heavy breaths while watching this, you just might have an orgasm. Make sure to scream "POW!!!!" when you're about to bust one.

If Marky Mark doesn't make your no-no pucker, you're in luck! Because this video also features some fly honeys.

Ginger O'Day has to be the most patient and understanding bitch in all the land. Most dogs would've mauled their owner's face off if they were constantly being dipped, dyed and drag queen-ed up. Ginger needs to immediately forward me the link to the site she buys endless amounts of Valium and Vicodin from (I promise I won't show it to Paula Abdul)! You know Ginger is on some hard shit. Do you blame her ass?

Here's Ginger and her master Aubrey O'Day outside of The Wendy Williams Show yesterday.