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Marilyn Manson shuffled around Toronto last night wearing his newest weight-loss invention. Marilyn pulled a pair of fishnets over his head so that his mouth would be blocked from swallowing up pies whole.

Unfortunately, MM spotted a delicious red velvet cake and immediately tore through the fishnet so he could devour it whole. That explains why his mouth area looks like it lost a battle between Parasite Hilton's deadly puss-o-war.

Here's more of Marilyn trapped in a net with his girlfriend Isani Griffith.

It's times like this that I am so proud to live in NYC, the magical land of fuck bombs! Last year, local news anchor Sue Simmons delivered one of my favorite catchphrases of 08": "What the fuck are you doing?!" Well, local Fox anchor Ernie Anastos topped Sue by telling the weatherman, "Keep fucking that chicken!" live on air. YES! I love it when anchors get liquored up before going on air. Fuck bomb us, Ernie!

Don't ask me what Ernie meant by that shit. Maybe the weatherman is having an illicit affair with Chicken Cutlets and Ernie let the fucked chicken out of the bag? Who knows, but you know Peta is going to write a long ass letter about this.

And the look on Ernie's co-anchor's face is probably the same look the chicken makes when the weatherman is fucking it.

VIA Popeater

I really should have found a way to write up this shit in Braille, because I'm guessing most of your eyeballs have jumped out of their holes and ran off to find the nearest bowl of bleach to marinate in. Although, there's probably an elderly and senile lion with a bad case of cataracts somewhere rubbing one off to this picture like it's porn.

Here's Jocelyn Wildenstein (aka the love of child of Rocky Dennis and Kenny the Inbred White Tiger) leaving a restaurant with her boyfriend Lloyd Klein last night. And yes, they were the only ones in the place who ate.

It looks like Brit Brit's pink wig that held all of her crazy powers has found a new owner. And its new owner is crazier than its last (Hint: She's posing with a Jonas brother). I have to give it to her though, her crazy ass is loyal to the pink. I mean, pink mop, pink tutu, pink Vitamin water, the pinks pills (SPOILER ALERT: It's generic Oxycontin) in her bag and she's posing with the pink Jonas brother! Even though he's engaged to that Haylie Duff-like creature, he is the gay one, right? I get them mixed up.

Here's more of Kevin Jonas posing with some bitches, who are way too old for this mess, outside of his hotel in Toronto yesterday.

Maybe Sylvester Stallone's eyebrows and his hairline (is that a lacefront?) have been in a long-distance relationship for a while now and are looking to finally be together. Just a few more lifts and his eyebrows will soon be making out with his hairline. Don't you love a good love story?

Anyway, people are talking about Sly Stallone's Mickey Rourke-like mug (complete with lift scars) which he showed off at the Venice Film Festival the other day. Yes, it looks like Sly's plastic surgeon operated with his feet, but Sly is just trying to look his gorgeously stunning mother Jackie. Do you blame him? LOOK AT HER BEAUTIFUL FACE (Warning: Don't if you are currently suffering from stomach issues). Who wouldn't want to look like a fully-embalmed Michael Meyers?

JAPAN! JAPAN! The magical land of puss brows, dog brows and now ribbed slides (for everyone's pleasure) and the French Bulldogs who love them! This is a video from a Japanese show featuring Meru (not to be confused with the serious artiste Maru), a French Bulldog who can't get enough of sliding down slides on his side. Side sliding!

Do you blame him? If we had ribbed slides, you know your ass would be going down it....nekkid...and lubed up.

VIA Buzzfeed

First there was a picture, and now here's the skit from Jimmy Kimmel Live of Kathy Griffin as everyone's least favorite baby-popping cuntress Kate Gosselin. I'll always have love in my loins for Kathy, but I think they should've dropped a possum wig on Predator and had him play Kate. It would've been more realistic. Kathy is obviously more of an Aunt Jodi than a Kate.

And George Takei as Jon Gosselin is all sorts creepy. Yes, Jon Gosselin as Jon Gosselin is still creepier, but this is a close second. However, why isn't George wearing an Ed Hardy bib?! You can't realistically play Jon without being covered in the douche vomit that is Ed Hardy. Jon and Ed Hardy are forever attached at the asshole.

Yes, yes, yes, I'm posting a zillion more pictures from THAT MOVIE! You'll thank me when it comes out. While all your friends are spending $12 to see this Vagisil party, you can use that money to buy two bottles of Strawberry Hill, because you will already know what happens thanks to all these damn pictures! SPOILER ALERT?

SJP already shot her flashback scene, so it's Kim Cattrall's turn! Kim stepped out of her trailer today looking like you something you get when you rub Dee Snider and Jesse Camp together while spraying the air with AquaNet. And at 53-years-old, memaw is shitting on tricks almost half her age (i.e. Lady CaCa and Xtina.)

This is for all you kinky foot fuckers out there! And for those of you who get the crotch seizures whenever you see bare feet, you can curse my name later.

You know, Hugh Jackmeoff's nekkid feet aren't as disturbing as his wife's horrific platform flip-flop/chankla things. Thank the fuck my abuelita didn't know about those things when I was a kid or I'd been in the Guinness Book of World Records for suffering the most concussions.

Here's Hugh catching every disease known to Parasite Hilton's snatch while walking barefoot in NYC the other day.

Cynthia Nixon was on the set of Sexo en la Ciudad Dos (it sounds hotter in Spanish) WITHOUT Rojo Caliente. ILLEGAL and HURTFUL! Doesn't Cynthia know that she should never ever leave home without Rojo. Eff, AMEX, don't forget your Rojo! Cynthia could've carried Rojo in that ginormous bag of hers.

And Cynthia even teased us by making the same face she makes when she's getting down on Rojo's hot box. How rude.

It's been over four months since our last Rojo sighting. I'm going to have to start snorting saw dust and sleeping with a pair of Bugle Boy khakis to deal with the withdrawals.

Anyway, here's Cynthia, SJP and Patricia Field on the SATC2 set in the West Village yesterday afternoon. Once again: WHERE'S ROJOOOOOOOOO?