Open Post

This video is basically just a pussy playing with some PUPPIES!!!, but add some thrilllllling music and you've got a scene out of The Matrix! The Catrix! In this clip, Neo (or Meo as Urlesque calls him) battles a group of evil Agent Smith puppies. Honestly, this shit is better than The Matrix. Meo has more charisma than Keanu Reeves. They should make a whole movie starring this spazzy puss. The puppies also made me think of the Shiba Inu 6 (never forget).

This is an open post where you can talk about slow-mo pussies, PUPPIES!!! or whatever else you want. I'll start: Is it gross to rinse and reuse floss? I'm just asking! I don't do that, but I think my abuelita did. I think. She reused everything! Even yogurt cups. Every day I would drink my morning orange juice out of a washed out plastic yogurt cup.

If you are the owner of a beautiful pair of backwards eyebrows, why would you hide them by painting them in? That's what Raven did last night before she went out in DC. This saddens me. She should wear her bald spot eyebrows with pride. That coat however needs be thrown back into the moth's nest. Where is a crazy French flour bomber when you need them? And maybe they would have gotten a little flour on her eyebrows so she had to wipe that pencil off. RAVEN, STOP HIDING THOSE BEAUTIES!!!

Raven's eyebrows are here to host your open party. This is where you can talk about all kinds of shit (even shit). Noooooo topic!

You know, Slash is basically telling me to "fuck off" by wearing his cell phone on his waist band. The middle finger is not necessary. Seriously, why is Slash doing this to me?! He is killing me with that shit. This is worse than Axl Rose's fuckery. Rock whores should not be doing this shit. Put that mess in your pocket or in your ass cheeks. Or something! Just not on the waistband! That said, I'd still hit it. But only from the back, because I couldn't look at that shit on his waistband. And you know Slash is the type to not even pull his pants down. He just stick his peen through the fly hole. He's a romantic.

Anyway, here's Slash and his family arriving in Utah today for that Sundance shit. Talk about him or anything else you want. There's no topic. Get drunk and rant away!

Okay whores, there's a laaaaaady in our presence so curtsy and don't bring up any nasty shit! You can only talk about the finer things in life, because the Empress of Lucite's pure eyes and ears must remain innocent. Okay, if you're going to rant about grossness, then preface it with the word "elegant." Here's an example: "Ewww! I just dropped the most elegant menstrual raisin." By the way, I didn't drop a period raisin. My friend wrote that to me on AIM. I don't even want to know... But I am sure I've pushed out a period nugget at least once in my life. The things that come out of there...

Shauna Sand's dick bag ex-husband and Fabio are crashing this post, so just ignore them. But before you do that, is one of Fabio's hos Amanda from Momma's Boys? I can't fucking tell, but I think it might be. After you examine that, rant away! Anything goes in this thread.

What I have here for you is an ad from Durex featuring a trio of horny ass condoms doggies getting it on in various positions. They 69, they hit it from the back, the do the reverse cowgirl, they pull a train, etc..etc.. Nasty rubberfuckers! It's kind of cute.....in a sexy time kind of way.

So...you can talk about how uncomfortable you feel because these condom doggies are making your genitals twitch or you can rant about whatever else you want. Everything is on topic because there is no topic. And now I have to go run circles in my living room, because I've had 15 cups of coffee today.

VIA Best Week Ever

I am all kinds of wrong for the thoughts that passed through my head while watching this sweet innocent hamster swallow a tiny carrot in a matter of seconds. I am not right in the head. The church was right. Just for that I'll be forced to join the glory hole clean-up crew in Hell.

It's that time of day where you can converse freely about whatever while others silently judge you. You can talk about how this hamster eating a carrot looks just like my dream from a couple of nights ago where my unwaxed no-no swallowed Carrot Top's stick. WHY?! Why does the devil make me write such garbage? Anyway, I'm gonna go dip my head in bleach (I do that anyway because of the crabs) while you rant amongst yourselves.

VIA Buzzfeed

Allow me to correct myself. This is what Vogue meant by "daring jumpsuits" (see below). This hot piece right here is Mr. Motivator. I guess he's like the UK version of Richard Simmons, but way more fashion-forward and just 5.3% less gay. The only thing he's motivating me to do is to touch myself to those amazingly hot double socks and shoe laces. I'd wear this whole outfit every day, but I don't have the chesticles for it. And is it just me or does he kind of look like the dad from Sister, Sister?

Anyway, this is an open post where you can open your legs and expel whatever the fuck you want. Everything is off-topic. Eveeeeerything. Rant away! But touch yourself really quick to Mr. Motivator first. It's a requirement.

Swab the poopy deck! Seriously, there's a million semen jokes floating in these pictures of Johnny Knoxville in a sailor hat. Just put a condom on your hand and fish one out.

So, this is an open post where you can talk about how you'd like Johnny to hit it from the back while wearing that sailor hat or why everyone in the pictures below don't look amused. Or you can talk about whatever the hell your genitals desire.

I'll start: why is that I always have to go pee pee times 10-minutes before I have to get up in the morning. It's the fucking worse. Whenever the piss is slowly tinkling out of the hole (beautiful visual), I look over at the clock and there's usually around 10 minutes left before the alarm goes and ruins my life. My choices are either to get up completely or to stay in bed and risk pissing the sheets. And my dog has had it with me telling the laundry hos that he suffers from "Fergie Syndrome." Yeah, I don't have children, so I have to blame it on the dog.

It's booze and rant time. I meant to do an open post earlier, but I got caught up in cleaning my nasty ass oven. That led to me organizing the spices in my damn cabinet. And then I cleaned out my fridge. Being a grown-up is so gross. You know you're an adult when you care about your cupboards and shit.

Anyway, here's the open post brought to you by this accidental weatherpussy. In Germany, a cat found its way into a TV studio while a weatherdude was doing his thing. The dude picked up the pussy and continued on with his shit. A dynamic duo has been born! I'm pretty sure this how Regis & Kathie Lee met. Kathie drunkenly wandered into some random studio.

Seriously though, this weatherpussy is just trying to become the next Spaghetti Cat!

So talk about the weatherpussy or whatever the hell else you want. The topic is ooooopen.

Our fourth open post host is Suri's cabbage patch doll. She'll make a good host, because she'll bitch out if you get out of hand. Trust me. She can speak. And she can bite.

You know, I'm really upset with my 5-year-old self for not being smart enough to keep all my Cabbage Patch dolls in their original boxes. I could have sold that shit on eBay and pursued my dreams of becoming a bar girl in Thailand. Wait. Scratch that. I just looked up some 80s Cabbage Patch dolls on eBay and those things don't sell for shit! Okay, I'm not mad at my 5-year-old self.

Enough with my ranting! It's your turn. This is where you can talk about how you hate my 5-year-old self or whatever else you want. It's open, so you don't have stay on topic. Happy ranting!