Tila Tequila is back to show Amanda Bynes how crazy is really done. In a 7-minute-long video (that I watched in its entirety, because I'm crazier than Tila and Amanda combined), Tila creates electricity and energy balls with her own hands. I'll just let Tila's description of this video speak the sad crazy for itself:
For a long time now I have been able to do some pretty supernatural things that most would consider "SUPER HUMAN ABILITIES" I have noticed that everyday my powers are getting stronger, and stronger, and stronger. Now I know for a fact that God put me on this planet to help people remember that they too, are capable of having Super Human abilities because we were made in the likely image of God after all! You guys wouldn't believe what other stuff I am capable of doing, but for now I just wanted to show you something pretty basic. Well, it's not basic, but it is compared to my other abilities and I want to teach everyone else how to be able to do these things as well! These are the gifts that God gave you, and those Evil ones in power know this that's why they don't want you to remember! Well, too bad for them I am going to be the one to teach you how to get your GOD GIVEN SUPER HUMAN ABILITIES BACK!! So please subscribe to my channel because you DO NOT wanna miss these lessons I am about to show you.
For this first video here it's just an example of ONE type of "Energy Ball" that I can create out of thin air. If you look closely at my palms and in between my fingertips you will see the electricity that starts to form and change colors as I create them! Also you'll notice that since I caused the energy levels to go so high around me, that the sparkles of purple, green, and yellow spreads throughout the room!
This was shot using my photo booth so there is absolutely no special effects whatsoever!! More to come to stay tuned!!!
Somebody needs to stop watching the Fantastic Four and stop reading old Shazam comics while under the influence of whatever she's under the influence of.
I looked and watched and looked and watched and I didn't see no energy balls of electricity. I just saw several balls of crazy. But you know, I still believe Tila, because it's obvious that one of those energy balls burned half of bitch's brows off.
Here's pretty pretty princess Zac Efron puckering for the paps on the set of his frat boy movie Townies in L.A. yesterday. I will forgive Zac for that Brillo Pad hair, because he wore a marijuana leaf belt buckle and that's basically inviting hos to ask him if they can toke on the joint in his pants.
In other Greek news, that crazy sorority bitch who spat out an email of pure poetry was basically cunt punted out of Delta Gamma. Whatever, now she can focus on her new cunt punt™ line of products (think of a flat-bottom boat shaped like a chocha).
The money spent on building and operating the Mars Rover Bi-Curiosity was worth it, because yesterday it let the other forms of life on the universe know that yes, humans exist, and yes, it's true, we're obsessed with dick. The Mars Rover drew an exact-sized replica of Jon Hamm's Hammaconda on the surface of Mars. This is definitely humankind's greatest achievement.
NASA should win a million prizes for this, because this is a genius way of getting every Scientologist off of Earth and onto Mars. John Travolta is so there.
Just when I was about to say that this news day was slower than Ryan Lochte's thought process, I come across this highly important video of a Great White Pussy chasing a duckling. I'm sure CNN will break into their regular broadcast to discuss this video in detail (I'm not joking). We can shut everything down, because it won't get anymore newsworthy than this today.
Courtney Love was at Coachella this past weekend and she wasn't there to play any kind of music, she was there to hawk the e-ciggy brand she's the face of. How the fallen have rolled to the edge and fallen again. I can't totally shit on Courtney's hustle, because a crazy bitch has got to do what a crazy bitch has got to do to pay her team of private investigators and lawyers to find the Nigerian prince who swindled her out of billions of dollars.
It's kind of poetic that the Countess of the Crackheads was supposedly sober (uh huh) and smoking an e-cig in the middle of an Ecstasy and coke desert orgy. If New Year's Eve is amateur hour for seasoned drunks, then Coachella is amateur hour for Courtney. As the little children rolled on their little half-pills of E, Courtney let out a haughty laugh, because she knows if she so much as queefed in their mouths, they'd instantly die of a heroin overdose.
Here's more of Courtney looking like a dried up knee scab with lips at Coachella over the weekend. I also threw in some pictures of Mischa Barton, greasy Gerald Butler, Wonky McValtrex with her toy, MiserAlba and Rosanna Arquette.
Cats just keep surprising me this month. I've learned that not all cats jumped out of their fur when they land in water and now I know that not all cats run for their 9 lives when a vacuum turns on. Who knew that watching a pussy get a blow job could bring me so much joy?
Conan O'Brien's face twin and alien goddess Tilda Swinton finally woke up from her glass box nap and put on some couture (or "cature" as my cousin calls it) to pose in a spread for W Magazine. The picture above is my favorite, because it's a mix between January Jones' frightened tampon, Jim Bob Duggar's traumatized sperm fish and something you'd see if you put a magnifying glass up to one of Nicole Kidman's frozen forehead pores.
I shouldn't even try to analyze or figure out Tilda's art. I should just sit back and enjoy the Tilda, enjoy the ART!!! and enjoy all the WTF.
You might think that a video titled "Gato com preguiça/Sloth and her best friend Daisy" is full of non-stop awwwwwws, but every part of me cringed while watching that sloth hug on Daisy the cat for over 4 minutes. The sloth just wants to cover the cat with some hairy love, but that cat is wishing she wasn't in this situation while those long sharp claws cover her delicate pussy mouth. I tensed up the same way I'd tense up while watching a Khloe and Lamar sex tape. While Khloe is doing her thing, your biting at the skin on your finger tips, because you're afraid for Lamar's safety.
Jon Hamm was on Sesame Street and did a little skit with Elmo. While Elmo chiseled a sculpture of himself, he made Jon Hamm show him sculpture after sculpture after sculpture. Yes, Elmo made a sculpture of himself. It's so obvious that this is a different Elmo. Because the Elmo we all know is a dirty, pervy trick and he would've made a life-sized sculpture of The Hammaconda and he definitely would've made Jon Hamm pose for him.
And why did they only shoot Jon Hamm from the chest up?! What are the drunk stay-at-home moms and dads supposed to look at?
Obviously, all of our minds are somewhere else right now, so this is all I've got.