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At a Mighty Ducks game in Anaheim last night, player Scott Niedermayer caused a brawl when he gave a fan his hockey stick. No, "hockey stick" is not one of my dumb metaphors for a dick. Dude gave the fan his actual hockey stick.

You would think that the stick was covered with Levi Johnston's cock cream by the way that blonde bitch is throwing fists over it. This is what it looks like when the Lohan family fights over the last Adderall pill.

That being said, hockey games look fun.

via Deadspin

YES! Baby Smiley, the premiere chola of YouTube, was on George Lopez's show last night to give an audience member a gorgeous cholita makeover. The audience member went from looking like a t-shirt folder at The GAP to a beautiful white girl chola with eyebrows that will make any parole officer flinch.

I'm sure that Baby Smiley's YouTube video has been watched more than a week full of George Lopez's talk show, but it's a start! TLC will soon be knocking on her door to give chola makeovers to the masses. Because Baby Smiley is right, everyone wants to look like they own stock in Sharpie and AquaNet.

Yes, this video of Sidney the "domesticated" baby otter playing around like a newborn kitten made me weak in the soul and lukewarm (as opposed to ice cold) in the heart, but then I got to thinking about the family of otters I once watched viciously attack each other. Shit was REAL.

Seriously, otters look like they are full of rainbows and heart-shaped kisses, but they will bite your nostril off for the last fish eye. They would.

That being said, I guess micro pigs are out and baby otters are in. You know Pararsite Hilton will have one of these by the end of the week. It will end in tears when her new pet otter gobbles up all her beloved coochie crustaceans.

Source: Buzzfeed via Best Week Ever

While I was downloading these pictures of Natasha "Dog Molester" Lyonne and Rosie O'Donnell at some event in NYC last night, my internet crashed and my cable TV went out. I should take that as a sign and not hit the publish button on this post, but then you'd never get to enjoy these beautiful pictures of these two deep fried donut balls.

Yes, I know Natasha is looking a little dough-ey in the face, but it's probably just rehab bloat. It happens. Or maybe Natasha instantly gained weight after munching on Rosie's sun dried tomato muffin. Let's just spare ourselves and go with the former.

Gerard Butler gave his Sunday hooker the night off, and decided to take his mother to the premiere of Law Abiding Citizen in Glasgow last night. Gerry also made it extra special by slipping on a sexy kilt.

You know, if Megan Fox or Betty White was wearing that kilt, every pap on the carpet would be trying to get an upskirt shot. Seriously, they would be on the floor snap snap snapping away. Why didn't they do this with Gerry Butler?! The thing is, Gerry would've embraced it. He would've gladly spread his legs and wiped the ass dust off his nuts. Hell, his peen hole lips would've even said "prune" for the cameras.

Did Nick Lachey ever has his own doll? Because if he did, it probably looked just like this highly inappropriate (copyright: Carrie Prejean) and unintentionally hilarious Jacob Black doll courtesy of Mattel. Twitards will be able to cuddle with this thing in February for $24.95.

If for some bizarre reason Mattel can't sell this doll, they can tweak it a bit and sell it as "90s Circuit Boy Blaine." Circuit Boy Blaine can work as Palm Beach Sugar Daddy Ken's pool boy.

via Jezebel

This is a clip from CBS' Early Show of a kinky ass beaver (we'll call Fergie Ferg) sending piss drops into a woman's eye without taking her to dinner first.

Um. R.Kelly, pull your panties back up! It's not that kind of clip.

VIA Buzzfeed

And here we have 18 pairs of smiling lips from the Clemson Women's Rowing Team, who are happy because they just won first place at the Head of Cooch. I mean, Head of Hooch. HOOCH! Although, if there was such a thing as the Head of Cooch, they would've won first place there too.

Image via Deadspin (Thanks to Mara for the camel stampede)

Today is Sesame Street's big 4-0, which means it won't be long before we see Big Bird riding around in a new red Corvette with a young trophy ho and Oscar the Grouch shopping at Ed Hardy with Jon Gosselin. No, this will never happen, because Sesame Street will forever be an 8-year-old stoner. Thankfully.

Celebrate Sesame Street's birthday by hugging a Muppet. And if you don't have a Muppet near you, hugging Christian Bale will do. It's just like hugging Kermit.

I had a hard time trying to figure out my favorite Sesame Street clip, but then one of my friends sent me the one below. I've never seen it, but it's now at the top of my list. Let this girl serenade you as she takes her pet llama to the dentist in NYC to get his busted up grill fixed.

If you think about it, this shit is kind of fucked up. Why does this chick have a llama in NYC? And why is the dentist dude totally cool with a big animal strolling into his office? They are all stoned (even the llama). That's the only explanation.

You can always count on Sesame Street to get you high without having to call your dealer.

Some of you might have already seen this wreck since it's a few weeks old, but I thought you should get re-acquainted with it seeing as though the holiday shopping season is almost upon us. Why bother spending precious time circling the parking lot for an available space when all you have to do is shift your vehicle into 4-wheel drive and drive over any cars in your way. Put that shit in park and you're good to go! You might want to get yourself a little ladder so that you don't scrape your sexiness on the destroyed cars below you. You don't want to do that.

And just so you know, the driver of the BMW was caught just hours after this video went viral. 62-year-old Tripta Kaushal was charged with failing to remain at the scene of the accident. She's due in court on December 1st.

Nobody show this shit to my dumbass cousin who believes that all women, Asian people (including me) and the elderly should never be able to apply for a drivers license. I will beat him with a drumstick at Christmas dinner for you.

via O Hell Nawl