Rock Of Love

SPOILER ALERT! The stunning beauty above wins Rock of Love Bus and Brett Michaels' heart. Okay, I'm totally lying. I don't know if she wins, but if she doesn't then my faith in cable reality TV is gone forever! The elegant creature's name is Nikki and she has already won my heart. It's like Shauna Sand queefed out Nikki in a cloud of lucite dust.

I'm assuming that the first episode will consist of one scene: Nikki and her exquisite lucite heels will sashay into the house and Brett's bandanna will fly off of his head. Nikki will touch his bald spot with one of her lucite heels and a glorious mane of blonde hair will grown in its place. The first words that came out of his mouth will be: "Will you marry me?" Nikki will respond, "I am already married to the angels who sing my name." And then she will flutter off. Brett will commit suicide, because if he can't have Nikki, why go on living? My thoughts exactly.

I believe Nikki will bring class and elgance back to reality TV!

I feel wrong by even mentioning the other hos in this show, but here's a few of my favorites below based on their pictures alone. I've nicknamed them: Gonorrhea, Syphilis, Celibate, The Clap and Herpes. Click here to see the rest of the tramps. Rock of Love Bang Bus premieres on January 4th.