What do you expect from a state that drove the "Excuse My Beauty" transflower to go and hook in Albuquerque? "The Pregnant Dude" (Thomas Beatie) has run into a slight hitch in his Arizona divorce proceedings from his laptop-drowning wife. The judge won't recognize him as a man and because same-sex marriages aren't legal in Arizona, won't hear their case. Really? You had to be THAT guy, Your Dishonor?
The Daily Mail (hey, they're legit, they have a URL and everything) reports that the judge is ruling that because they both have the same sex organs, their marriage wasn't valid in the first place. This is despite Beatie having been awarded custody of their three children in May. AND he has a SWEET moustache. Fuck's wrong with you, Judge Not-Judy?
Beatie became a curiosity to some and a "who's the woman, who's the man, who cares, bitch!"" hero to others when he went public with his pregnancy four years ago. Some months back, footage of Mrs. Pregnant Dude acting like Lindsay Lohan when someone announces it's a dry wedding made it online. Bitch was scaring the kids, beating on Pregnant Dude with their laptop, and then chucking it in the pool! That's deep (both the pool and the course of action). Fuck, throw the couch, microwave, coffee table, bedspread, dildos, and the dog (he can swim)in the pool. Fine by me. You leave the TV and laptop alone, though. If I can't watch my stories and have instantaneous access to porn, we are over like Madonna.
She reportedly punched him in the crotch, too. He says that he has a clit that's grown to the size of a small penis down there now due to the hormones. Do we have any female bodybuilders out there that read DListed? Does being hit in the swole clitty hurt as much as being hit in the balls? Just curious.
Anyway, that's why he got custody. Nicely played, transman. Judge Gender Fascist says that "he cannot find any legal authority that defines a man as someone who is able to give birth." Thomas filed documents to show that his passport and his Hawaii birth certificate state that he's a dude in response.
Is anyone else confused about what the judge expects them to do? They were legally married as a man and a woman. You can just say it never happened if you have a gavel? How do they figure out all of their legal stuff if their marriage is suddenly imaginary? Does Detective LaToya investigate for family law?
Pregnant Dude (government: Thomas Beatie) filmed an episode of The Doctors this morning (it airs in May) and he dropped two bombs. No, by that I don't mean two more babies dropped out of him and rolled across the stage. Surprisingly, that didn't' happen. Pregnant Dude said that he and his wife of 9 years and the mother of his two kids, Nancy Beatie, are taking a break from each other's genitals. Pregnant Dude also said that he has just finished his last gender reassignment surgery, which means that his peen is now a poon. Oh, and Nancy hasn't met his new peen yet. Pregnant Dude went on to say:
"Nancy hasn’t seen the new me yet. Like all marriages, we have our ups and downs, and we’re going through a rough patch right now. At the moment, we’re separated."
Okay, Nancy must be the kind of ho who'd rather have a clit on her tongue than a peen head. Because I wouldn't put my marriage in the time out corner until after I saw that dick. Big dick is a game changer. The most surprising part is we didn't watch their marriage slowly fall into the gutter on a reality show. How are they not on TLC full time?! Oh TLC, I feel like I don't know you anymore.
With all this OctoMom and Jon & Kate fuckery going on I completely forgot that the Pregnant Dude was knocked up with his second child. Well, ABC News reports that Thomas Beatie and his wife Nancy have a new baby son that was born earlier today. Their first child, Susan Juliette, was born last June.
They haven't decided on a name yet, but they have decided that Nancy would be tittyfeeding their new son. Some source-type also said it was a natural birth. I guess that means the baby came out of his peen hole. It happens. Bigger things have come out of my peen hole before. There I go again. Ruining some beautiful with gutter talk.
Enough of me. Congratulations to Pregnant Dude and Big Butch Nancy! I'm sure we'll learn all about their new baby in a 10-hour long special hosted by Barbara Walters followed by a People Magazine cover spread.
Well, there's only one problem with that. I don't think the Pregnant Dude wants to be left alone. You know, when he first came on the scene, I felt a little overprotective of him. The more I look at him, the more he's really starting to look like my dad. I know I called him "hot" before, but I take that all back (times ten), because he now reminds me of my dad. And my dad pretty much always looked 8-9 months pregnant. But he didn't have a baby in there. He had a fucking brewery growing in his belly.
I go back and forth with this whole situation. At first, I applauded Pregnant Dude because I felt he was just telling the world that some bitches are different and there's nothing wrong with that. I didn't mind that he posed half-nekkid for magazines or gave interviews. I didn't even blink when he said he was writing a book about the whole thing. But then he announced that he was knocked up again and started doing the talk shows round. I mean, in the pictures above from Friday, he's on his way to a TV show in Spain. What's next? A reality show? A recording contract? And then before we know it he's going to be flashing his genital parts while getting out of cars in front of Villa.
But then again, I'd rather see paparazzi pictures of him than a million pictures of MileyVanessaHudgensTisdale or any of those other dumb whores. I don't know. I'm torn.
You know what has offended me about these pictures? The Louis Vuitton bag! Come on, Pregnant Dude! Have some taste! If he's going to be whoring himself out, he needs a stylist!