BABIES!!!

Another story about BABIES!!! This is the third one of the day. The D in Dlisted obviously stands for diapers. Makes sense.

So....Harvey, Junior and Princess Tiamammamiawhatever might be getting yet another sibling. The Daily Star claims that Katie Price has a human growing inside of her. If this shit is true, it would be her fourth child and her big gay husband's third. Some ho said that while on vacation in the Maldives, Katie felt vommy and wouldn't drink any cocktails. The ho said, "Kate was complaining about feeling really poorly and queasy and kept stroking her tummy.”

It was probably just the mountains of hot bullshit inside of her busting to spew out.

The ho went on to say that Katie and Peter's marriage troubles are over and now they can't wait to move to the US (save us!!!) to start filming their new reality show for three months. And wouldn't you know? A new baby would make a great plot for their reality show!

I really won't believe this until I see Katie Price on the cover of OK! with her big gay husband holding her belly with the tagline: "Just Buy This Magazine and Ask Questions Later."

Katie's never going to pop out a person as perfect as Harvey, so she needs to quit trying.

P.S. - Katie's t-shirt must be a tribute to this hot slut.

Thank you to People for reminding me that the original pregnant dude, Tameka Foster, was knocked up. I completely forgot. And also thanks for letting everyone know she popped the kid out of her peen hole yesterday.

Usher's second son and Tameka's fifth was born yesterday. Unfortunately, we don't know the baby's name or any other details. Usher's first son is named Usher Raymond V, so I'm assuming they'll name their second son Usher Raymond VI. Naturally.

Congrats to Tameka! Those future child support checks aren't going to grow zeros by themselves, so keep popping those babies out! Make your fellow gold diggers proud!

UPDATE: The baby's name IS Naviyd Ely Raymond. I'm assuming you pronounce it Naveed? Anyway, Bronx Mowgli is still on top when it comes to fugly baby names. Usher and Tameka should have used her last name as well. Then he could be Naviyd Ely Raymond Foster: NERF!

Image: Splash

When Ashlee Simpson told her big daddy man (that's what she calls him) she was knocked up with a soon-to-be horribly named baby, he probably pictured dollars falling from the sky and into his crotch. The things he was going to do with all that money: a Jessica Simpson real doll, a new "security camera" system for Jessica's house.... the list was endless. Well, there isn't any money falling from the heavens, because nobody wants to pay for pictures of BMw Baby.

A source told Page Six that Ash and Pete are trying to sell the exclusive first pictures of Bronx Mowgli, but there aren't any takers. "Pete and Ashlee have approached every single celebrity magazine with offers to sell their first photos, but nobody wants them. Covers of them tend not to sell well."

The magazines probably realized they could just publish a free picture of a giant chin covered in eyeliner with an Emo wig on top and nobody would really know the difference. Poor little attention whores... I'm sure Papa Joe is already working on Plan B: sell the baby to Hot Topic, Disney, the City of New York or the BMW corporation.

Image: Wireimage

The middle Hanson brother, Taylor, has another son. This his fourth kid. He's 25. That's insane.

Taylor's wife, Natalie, popped out their newest baby friend yesterday in Tulsa, Oklahoma. They told People that they named him Viggo Moriah. I immediately had flashes of Viggo Mortensen and Mariah Carey holding hands and running through the baby fields. But then I remembered that Viggo was in Lord of the Rings and Moria is from that shit, so Taylor is probably just a Rings nerd. It also could be a religious name. Who knows? It's too early for me to wrap my brain cell around this before my first cup of coffee (no Sanka today).

Viggo joins brothers Ezra and River, and sister Penelope. The Hanson brothers now have 7 kids between them.

Those Hanson dudes have some iron sperm. Don't look at Taylor's picture above for too long or you might find yourself knocked up with a baby named Gandalf Gollum.

Congratulations, Taylor! You are one baby closer to beating the Duggars! Keep on! Keep on!

This is just too precious. It's only missing Liberace serenading them on a rainbow while baby pink dolphins dance in the waters below. (UPDATE: Thanks to LunaChick for making my dream come true by creating the magical picture above based on my description!)

This almost makes me want to beg Mah Boo Anderson Cooper to buy me a few ovaries, so that I can give birth to my own twins. But then I'd have to carry them around like that and I don't think I'm comfortable with this. I don't even think I'm comfortable with carrying them at all. My arms are too fragile for that. I'm good at holding a martini, not a baby.

The little spicy gay tamale known as Ricky Martin poses with his twin boys for People Magazine. Valentino and Matteo were born 4-months ago with the help of a surrogate's baby oven. Ricky is living in Puerto Rico, spending most of his days taking care of V and M without the help of a nanny. But his "personal assistant" is helping him out. In the celebwhore world, personal assistant is code for salad tosser.

Ricky was also asked why he chose to use a surrogate: "Adoption was one option, but it's complicated and can take a long time. Surrogacy was an intriguing and faster option. I thought, 'I'm going to jump into this with no fear.'"

Ricky said all of this while peeking his head out of the closet door. I kid! Personally, I don't give an eff about bitches not declaring their gayness. That might make me a bad gay, but it's just how I've always felt. Ricky's not touching my bits, so I don't care. Besides, we all already know.

Below is Ricky and his twinsies on the cover of People en Espanol. His little twins need to be wearing ill-fitting suits from Men's Warehouse and they would look exactly like grouchy accountants. I bet they are already kick ass at ten-key.

VIA LatinGossip

(Thanks kdracofan)

Noted fashion photographer Nigel Barker from America's Next Top Model and his wife have welcomed member #2,345,934,856 of the ever growing child army that will take control of this planet any day now. Nigel and his wife Cristen already have a son named Jack together.

Cristina gave birth to a baby girl in NYC yesterday. They named her Jasmine Barker.

Somewhere in the world, Ty Ty is holding an emergency meeting to discuss the future of Nigel Barker's life. You know she has her tenhead in a twist, because Nigel did not name his daughter after her. He made a mistake. He could have named his daughter Tyra, Ty Ty, Tyralina, Tyrasaurus, Smile Wit Yo Eyes or Crazy Person. Any of those would have pleased Ty Ty.

In other "BABIES!! are taking over the world" news, the dude from Ugly Betty has a new son named Rylan and The Pink Power Ranger birthed a baby girl named Francesca. BABIES!!!

Source: UsWeekly

We all suspected that Priscilla Presley's face is covered with the skin of fetuses, but now we have picture proof! At last night's "Road to a Cure" event, Priscilla smelled fresh newborn baby blood in the air and immediately traced the scent back to David Archuleta. The look in her eyes is terrifying! She can't wait to crush down his baby teeth into powder and smother her body with it.

Luckily, David has his crazy tween fans on speed dial and he was able to get them to crawl out of their mom's basement TV room to fend Priscilla off using their screams and garlic salt.

David wasn't completely safe, because a few minutes later Ryan Gaycrest also attacked him on the red carpet. David really shouldn't leave his daddy's side. There's scary monsters everywhere.

Kelly Rutherford, forever Megan Lewis to you and me, is knocked up with her second baby due in June. BABIES!!

Kelly and her businessman (not as powerful as a businesswoman) husband, Daniel Giersch, already have a 2-year-old son named Hermès.

Yes, the child's name is Hermès. I seriously can't fucking wait to hear what she's going to name her second kid. I'm thinking Birkin Bag, Tory Burch, J. Crew or maybe The Gap. If I was going to name my kid after my favorite store, the poor child would end up being called The Container Store. I fucking love that place. They have a container for everything! They probably have plastic containers to hold your baby or fetus in too!

Source: UsWeekly

If Mary-Kate Olsen is fucking pregnant, then I better go to the vet, because I might have immaculately conceived a litter of Spaghetti Cat's kittens. If that evil troll can get knocked up, anybody can.

Some obvious jokester told the National Enquirer (via PC) that MK is carrying the little troll child of boyfriend Nate Lowman. The joke-teller said, "Mary-Kate has been looking a lot rounder recently. It is good she has put on weight, because she previously suffered from anorexia, but a lot of people think she could actually be attempting to hide her pregnancy. She is really happy with Nate and is very excited they will soon be starting their family together"

She apparently weighs 102lbs now. Yes, 102. What a fucking lard ass, right? If she weighs 102, she's obviously pregnant with 4 baby elephants. Or maybe she drank too much of her own saliva? Either or.

I mean, I don't even think she has baby making parts down there! Trolls don't fuck! They get their kicks by rubbing squirrel bones together while chewing on wet bark. I refuse to believe this shit, until I see her posing with this on the cover of People Magazine.

I seriously screamed "It's fucking Jacinda" when I saw these pap pictures of her ass walking around with her family in Los Angeles yesterday. I had a major crush on her ass when she was on "The Real World: London." Okay, I shouldn't really call it a crush. I wanted to be her. I even put on my mom's gypsy skirts and pranced around like I was fucking Jacinda. "The Real World: London" was a bore fest, but Jacinda was hot. Too bad Legend isn't in these pictures. That would make my life.

And if you don't feel all sparkly in the loins over Jacinda like I do, I've thrown in some pictures of Gwen, Zuma Nesta, Kingston and Gavin at the park yesterday. What the fuck are these people wearing on their bodies?! It's like the Salvation Army "1 pound for $1" bin exploded all over them.