Yeah Okay

LeAnn Rimes already took a bull dozer to Brand Glanville's marriage by stealing her hot piece of a husband Eddie Cibrian, and now she's trying to take everything else. That's what Brandi told UsWeekly anyway. According to Brandi, she is currently starring in a life remake of Single White Female with her in the Bridget Fonda role and LeAnn in the Jennifer Jason Leigh Role. Worst remake ever.

Brandi said that LeAnn better back her coochie up, because she's getting way too close, "I have a new neighbor and her name is LeAnn Rimes. She's moved in a half a mile from my house and a block from my son's school. So she is completely space invading me at the moment so things are not cool. There is a point where she needs to have a sensitive side and back the F up. Honestly, she's Single White Female-ing me. She wants my life. She wants my kids. She wants my husband. She can have most of everything but just not my children or my family."

Brandi is being way too dramatic about this. I doubt LeAnn is stealing her life on purpose. LeAnn probably can't even see Brandi's life clearly, because her eyes are always in the damn squint position. Bitch can't open her eyes! Brandi needs to think about that.

And when is Eddie Cibrian going to start copying the life of LeAnn's gayfaced husband? We all want to know when Eddie starts trolling the glory holes and bleaching his no-no.

This little clip of "Seth Green losing it on the set of a commercial" landed in my inbox, and even though it's probably faker than everything on Heidi Montag, it's still so cute! Seriously, I love it when little leprechauns throw adult-sized hissy fits. Maybe he'd be more menacing if he was standing on a phone book, but he isn't, so this shit is just precious.

Don't you just want to hug the angries right out of him? I bet if you squeeze him hard enough thousands of Lucky Charms (only the marshmallow ones) will shoot out of his tiny asshole. This should really be on Cute Overload.

This is even giving Christian Bale the "awwwws" in his heart.

That's because she's probably cold-calling like a telemarketer trying to get hos to donate to her situation. The Sun says that Courtney Love's checking account is pretty much at zero like her sanity levels.

Apparently, Courtney Love has been telling friends that she can barely feed her 17-year-old daughter Frances Bean and is about to get put out of The Mercer Hotel, because she's only got a few coins to her name. Some source said that Courtney told her friend, "I'm fucked now dude. I have 120 bucks, my kid hasn't had a decent meal and I'm getting evicted."

Last Month, Courtney tried to tap into Frances Bean's trust fund, but bitch got denied.

First of all, I wonder what Courtney's idea of a "decent meal" is? I'm guessing a pack of Reds, a few stale fries from McDonald's, half of a pack of relish and maybe a pistachio nut she found in her sofa.

Second of all, I'm sure Courtney isn't broke BROKE. I mean, maybe she lent some money to that Nigerian prince again and he's totally going to pay her back when he moves millions of his own money from his homeland. Or maybe Courtney just misplaced her money.........in her nostrils.

Court obviously needs Detective La Toya to grab a magnifying glass and track down her missing money. And if Det. La Toya can't do that, she can at least show Court how to whore it up for a quick dolla!

Sean Penn might be in a little bit of trouble after he allegedly karate kicked and hit at a pap who tried to photograph his ass while he was leaving the Brentwood Country Mart yesterday. The pap who goes by the name of Jordan Dawes says that Sean, who looks like he was wearing a Jeff Spicoli wig at the time, went crazy on his ass a few times before getting in his car and busting out of the scene.

TMZ says that Jordan immediately filed a police report against Sean.

If you're a pap and Sean Penn comes around the corner, you better put on a helmet and pray for the power of Greyskull to be with you, because bitch don't play. Look at his old ass busting out a SPARTAAAA kick on that pap! The best part is that he's not letting anything happen to that bag of food he's holding. Sean must have spent time at the abuelita training camp, because memaws are masters when it comes to beating your ass with one hand while stirring a pot of food with the other.

And if the pap wanted to get Sean off of him, he should've just thrown a fake 8 ball or a rubber vagina at him. That'll keep Sean busy for a few quick seconds.

Robert Joe Halderman, the 48 Hours producer who tried to extort 2 million clams from David Letterman, shouted "NOT GUILTY" today to the felony charge of attempted grand larceny. The judge took his plea and set his bail at $200,000.

In case anybody hasn't whispered this in your ear yet, it's been confirmed that RJH is the ex-boyfriend of Stephanie Birkitt (above), who used to be Dave's assistant. Homegirl would also appear on the show every now and again. Apparently, Stephanie and Dave used to bone on the down low before he got married to his now wife and then girlfriend.

Manhattan's District Attorney held a press conference earlier today where he said that RJH was using some of Stephanie's diary entries and letters to blackmail Dave. The D.A. also added that RJH tried to deposit the fake $2 million check Dave gave him. After the check bounced like it came from a Real Housewive, RJH was arrested.

Okay, what the hell kind of bunk ass extortionist is this Robert Joe Halderman dude?! Does he not watch late-night movies?! When you're trying to blackmail a bitch, you don't accept a check! Tell their asses you are a cash only establishment! And if you're really at the top of your game, you tell them you want it in British Pounds and to throw in DVDs of the entire first season of Being Bobby Brown. You can't get that shit in stores!

Three weeks ago, David Letterman got into his car and noticed that there was a mysterious package on his seat. When he opened it, it wasn't anything good like a hard-to-find box of Jello 1-2-3 or a glossy nude 3D picture of Mah Boo Anderson Cooper. No, it was a letter from someone threatening Dave to hand over $2 million or he'd spill his "creepy" bedroom secrets which included fucking some of his staffers. The extortionist (that is so going to be the name of a future CBS show) claimed he would use the information to write a movie and a book. UGH! Remember the old days when bitches just used to sell that kind of information to the tabloids or simply post it on the internet? Nowadays bitches are always trying to get a 3-picture deal out of something. Hollywood!

David immediately shuffled off to the District Attorney's office in Manhattan and told them someone was trying to blackmail him. The D.A.'s office investigated the threats and then cut a fake check for $2 million in which they gave to the extortionist. The extortionist should've realized something in the milk wasn't clean when the check was oversized and came with a bunch of balloons. But something tells me the extortionist ain't got the smarts in the brains.

The dude was arrested yesterday morning and Dave had to testify in front of a grand jury. Dave admitted that what the extortionist was claiming is true. He has done sexy times with some of his staff members (PAUL, HOW COULD YOU?!). ESCANDALO (not really).

Dave confessed to it all on his show last night. It was a little awkward, because the audience kept laughing like a laugh-track on loop, and because Dave just got married last year to his ladyfriend of 23 years. They have a kid together.

The extortionist has been identified as Jay Leno. No, the extortionist is 51-year-old Robert Halderman, an employee of 48 Hours and the boyfriend of Stephanie Birkitt. Stephanie is Dave's assistant and she reportedly had an affair with him years before he was married. They have since stopped bumping nasties in the copy room at midnight. That's what Radar says anyway.

So that's that! The truth is, people fuck their co-workers. It happens. I fuck on my co-workers all the time (Fun Fact: I only work with myself. WINK). Dave getting down with his employees probably isn't the best move, but it's not like he did anything horrific like kick a kitten or mooned a baby. Dave simply put his peen in someone's vagina. Maybe his wife was cool with it. Maybe she wasn't. I'm sure we'll find out.

The bitch I'm really mad at is the extortionist. Dude owes all of us $2 million for forcing us to think about Dave's sweaty prune nalgas bouncing up and down on some lady.

And in other news, Sarah Palin just climbed on top of her igloo and shouted, "I CAN SEE DAVE'S ROTTEN CHEATING ASS FROM MY HOUSE! I'M HAVING THE BEST DAY EVAH!"

Emma Watson, whose brain is currently taking classes at Brown, wanted to booze it up at a football game like any other college student, but some hos at Harvard just wouldn't let her get her buzz on in peace! They had to get in her LIFE!

Page Six reports that right before a game between Brown and Harvard, this blog post went up on The Harvard Voice's website:

We will be Live-Tweetin' the game and possibly stalking Emma Watson, so keep your eyes peeled for that, too!

When the game started, so did the Tweets! The Harvard Voice's Twitter page busted out gems like: "Let's go Hermione! Lolz" and "In enemy territory. Lookin for a certain witch." After they finally found Emma in the stadium, they posted a picture of her and declared their mission a success. When some hos complained about the liveblog, The Voice's editor said the whole thing was "blown out of proportion."

This is my question, where were these eagle-eyed stalkers at Harvard when I went to see Harry Potter in Equus last year? While I was straining my damn eyeballs trying to find Harry's peen in that dark ass theater, they could've used their skills to point that shit out to me right away. Seriously, they need to leave that Hermione girl alone and use their powers for good. Good like finding wizard dick in a dark theater.

THINK OF THE CHILDREN! First, Jenny Slate fuck bombed us all on SNL this past weekend, and now a giant bare vagina made an appearance on So You Think You Can Dance last night (see above NSFWish). No, Ryan Gaycrest was not a guest judge. An actual vagina popped out on stage when a dancer invited us into her carniceria during her audition. I KNOW! Our pure eyes have been tainted. We should have never boarded the Mayflower and come to America. Dark-sided!

But seriously, it's just a damn vagina. We've all seen one. A little snatch flash isn't going to turn our nation's children into drug addicted sluts with no morals. They will do that on their own.

Nigel Lythgoe, the head judge and executive producer, had this to say about the cat being let out of the bag: "None of us knew she did this. The show was always designed to expose talent, but not in this way."

I'm not sure if the dancer got a golden ticket to Hollywood, but I am sure her vagina did. It's going all the way. It will definitely have a place on Mary's Hot Tamale Train!

If you really really want a clear shot of the snatch at hand (I'm talking to you Papa Joe), head on over to (NSFWish) OMG Blog.

Justin Timberlake should stop accepting rides in Chris Brown's Lamborghini, and Alien Princess RiRi should keep Betty Ross at her side at all times, because She-Hulk Biel and Ike Turner II won't be happy when they see Star Magazine's cover.

According to Star, Justin started scooting his ass lips on RiRi's infintiyhead of wonder at an after-party for the VMAs a couple of weeks ago. RiRi must not have minded that Justin sounds like Minnie Mouse screaming when he orgasms, because they have been texting and talking ever since. But before RiRi takes Justin to her home planet, she wants to make sure that his gay relationship with Jessica Biel is over. A source said, “She asked him on the phone, ‘Are you still with Jessica?’ And he hinted that things were cooling off between them.”

The source went on to say that Jessica found out that Justin and RiRi bumped taints and is "a wreck" because of it.

You know, it might be the apple I just ate (healthy food fucks me up) talking, but I actually think RiRi and Justin make a hot couple. They kind of make sense to me.

And Jessica Biel really deserves better. She deserves a man who won't scream like a toddler when she accidentally breaks his boner during a handjob. Or won't cry a million tears when she beats his no-no with her 9-incher. Seriously, Jessica, get yourself a real bitch who can take it! When Khloe Kardashian's fake marriage blows up, Jessica should definitely give her a ring.

I'm joking. The teaser trailer for the remake of Nightmare on Elm Street didn't give me the zzzzzs, but it did make me laugh until I burped a couple of times. As much as I love Jackie Earle Haley (dude's performance in Little Children made me report him to Chris Hansen), I can't help but think, "You were in Bad News Bears! You don't scare me!" I was seriously waiting for one of the bitches in this trailer to tell Freddy Krueger, "KELLY LEAK, STOP! Coach Buttermaker isn't going to like this!"

And since Michael Bay produced this, does that mean he made Jackie Earle Haley wash his Ferrari for the role? Because if that happened, that's the shit I want to see!