Yeah Okay

Donald Trump's hair looks like Tilda Swinton's mop after being stranded in the dessert for days without water, moisturizer, hugs or a blow dryer. Just thought I'd point that out. And we're off!

Tilda Swinton is ready to peck Donald Trump's beady eyes out over an enormous golf resort that is about to terrorize Scotland. Tilda lives there, and she's not about to welcome Trump's multi-million dollar resort into her backyard. Tilda says NOOOO to golf courses, but YESSSSS to butt raping directors.

The Associated Press reports that Tilda has joined 15,000 other people in signing a petition asking for the resort not to be built. According to the petition, four residents on the property may be evicted to make way for Trump's golf course.

A spokeswhore for Donald Trump only said that Tilda is siding with the "extremists."

The Trump probably wanted to call Tilda a "fat slob" and a "disgusting pig," but he's saving that for when The Insider or Entertainment Tonight asks him to comment.

The Trump has no idea who he is fucking with, because Tilda's got the crazy fever in her eyes and I don't think she's afraid to unleash it. Tilda looks like she will shit on your porch if you cross her.

The ex-boyfriend of Tracy Anderson, who used to be Vadge's personal trainer, is suing her for $1 million, because he claims she used her "female charms" to swindle his ass. Page Six says that Glynn Barber, an engineer and machinist, invested cash in Tracy's company, but never ever saw a return even though she was rolling in the money. Glynn was forced to file for bankruptcy. And not only is his checking account sad, but so is his manhood.

In the court papers, Glynn states, "She used her female charms to manipulate me to invest $1 million in her company. I was an easy target. She told me she was a Power Ranger. She told me she was in the musical 'Cats' for four years. She said her ex-husband, Eric, played for the Knicks . . . None of this turned out to be true. I made Madonna's fitness equipment for $13,000 and Tracy sold it to her for $26,000. She made a fortune from using Madonna's name."

Glynn also has a warning for Tracy's new man, "I wish there was some way to inform her new boyfriend that he is playing with 'The Cobra.' Tracy absolutely has some voodoo capability."

THE COBRA? FEMALE CHARMS!? That is the best. Glynn should be head writer on Curb Your Enthusiasm.

We're all friends here, so Glynn could've given it to us straight-up without the splash of soda water. Female Charms = Tracy fucked him until his toe nails fell off.

Tracy could make even more millions if she bottled her "female charms." I could use some of that to get the skeezy dude at my liquor store to give me the 10% discount he gives to chicks with vaginas.

And who in the hell would lie about being a Power Ranger? If you are indeed a Power Ranger, that's the kind of information you lock in a steel box and stash under a floor board in your bedroom. Being a power ranger is like having a hyperactive gag reflex. You never admit it.

Also, it seems that Tracy is a regular Lilly from The Grifters. Just read the comments on this post over at Gabsmash about how Tracy brings the lies to get the cash. They don't call her THE COBRA for nothing!

Usher and Tameka Foster can also act like two spoiled toddlers fighting over the prime spot in the sandbox. Move over Jon & Kate....

TMZ says that Usher had to call the cops on his estranged wife, because he caught her scratching up his car. When the po po arrived, Tameka had already busted out of there. Usher also had to call 911 a second time, because Tameka refused to leave his property.

Usher thinks that Tameka scratched up his truck, because they had a fight over the custody of their children the night before. The day after the fight, Tameka showed up at his house demanding to see the kids. The kiddies were at his mother's house. When Tameka left, Usher immediately drove his ass over to his mom's house. Tameka was already there, banging on the door and acting the fool. Usher called the cops, but Tameka busted out of that bitch before they arrived. The next day, Usher found his truck all scratched up. SANTIO DIOS!

Tameka is scratching up the wrong thing. Tameka should be scratching up Usher's credit card by buying everything from dick on Craigslist to booze by the bulk. Seriously, when are these bitches going to realize that it's much more fun just to sick back, smoke a bowl, pop on HSN and spend his money. Scratching cars in the middle of the day sounds exhausting!

So check your state or country laws before your fuck parts start salivating over him. You do not want to share a cell with Roman Polanski, because he looks like a snorer....and a night farter. Anyway, here's the wolfie boy from Twilight getting wet and jumping around during a Rolling Stone photo shoot in Malibu yesterday.

Whenever I see this dude, he's always bouncing in the air like the ground is filled with Parasite Hilton's toxic cooch warts. It's like he's got springs instead of bones. If he flips around like that on the sand, imagine what he can do on your... Actually, don't imagine that before checking with Chris Hansen first.

Katie Price, who has made zillions of dollars from allowing cameras to shoot her every bowel movement, wasn't exactly thrilled with a group of paps yesterday. Katie Spears-ed the pappies by attacking them with her umbrella while screaming at them "get a fucking real job!" That was the punchline.

No, Katie didn't go full Cheeto by shaving her weave off for the occasion, but I'm sure her fat kitty is completely bald, so that sort of counts.

Katie's spokeswhore actually issued a statement about the non-incident: "Kate understands the nature of her job and generally co-operates with the media. But yesterday she said they were being very intrusive and had overstepped the mark."

Or maybe Katie was just in a rush to get home, because the rain was starting to wash away all the layers of orange diarrhea on her skin.

Earlier this week, a clip of leprechaun Seth Green flipping a table and throwing a toddler-approved freak-out on the set of a commercial magically landed in everyone's inbox. Well, here's a new clip from a parking lot surveillance camera of Seth getting mugged just a couple of hours before. Apparently, this is why he had the angries in a bad way.

Something in the milk ain't clean about this. If you just got mugged in a parking, wouldn't you: a) scream for the cage fighting drag queens of Wales b) wonder why six TMZ cameras weren't on the scene or c) call the police?

Or if you're Seth Green, you bitch out your bodyguard and pull a Teresa Giudice on a table. Makes sense. I still think we need to get Det. La Toya on the case.

VIA Gawker

When Lance Bass isn't sitting front row in the audience at Dancing with the Has-Beens (seriously, he's there every week), he's butching it up in the gym. Pumping peen and pumping weights.

Surprisingly enough, I've never really thought about what Lance looked like without his top on. But then I see this, I get the drips and say to myself, "That'll do." Yes, I'm that easy. And I'm sure JC is scooting all over this picture while humming "I Want You Back."

Photo by Braden Summers
Source: Tabloid Prodigy VIA Towleroad

On November's cover of Elle, Stepford Katie actually looks like a real-life human being who doesn't need to be programmed to smile. Photoshop is the best drug sometimes. They must have used the "living person" tool on her.

In the issue, Katie says that Tommy Girl always has something to say about what she's wearing. Can't you just picture him giving her the once over and rotating his hips while snapping in z-formation if he disapproves? Typical queen.

Katie said, "He usually likes everything, but sometimes I'll walk out and he'll say, 'I think that dress might be wearing you. You don't need that.' Tom has great taste."

HAH. Yes, Tommy does have wonderful taste. Anybody who takes a peek at his platform midwife shoes knows that. And not only is Tommy a controlling robot master, but he always knows when a dress is wearing you! Rachel "Chupacabra" Zoe better watch it, because Tommy Girl is going sashay on in and snatch her career. Hopefully when Tommy says, "I DIE," he means it. Literally.

VIA UsWeekly

It seems that 17-year-old Frances Bean (daughter of Courtney Love & Kurt Cobain) has inherited her mother's skills for writing confusing rants about totally random subjects. For some reason, Frances went on her Twitter (her account has since been deleted) and typed out an open letter to 45-year-old Ali Lohan of all people. If we were all to write a joint open letter to Ali Lohan, it would consist of 6 words: YOU ARE SOME BENJAMIN BUTTON'S SHIT. But Frances Bean got a little deeper. We're going to need an Emo soundtrack for this one.

Before you start, you should know that Courtney Love doesn't believe in spell check in her household. Rant poetry should be raw. And we're off:

This is my open letter to Ali Lohan.

Your not entitled to anything simply because your sister has a recognizable name. Your idea of fame isn't fame. It's infamy. You want to be famous? Work your ass off and make decisions that could potentially catapult your career into a lasting one. Notariety for who you are and notaritey for the work you produce are two completely differnt things. I understand that you have been brought up in an envirtoment where the idea of fame is easily achievable but, that's not an excuse. You lack the talent, social understanding and credibility to be anything other then infamous. Your careere choices, thus far, will transcend a future career as someone who attempted to be famous, but never quite achieved it. And if you do, it will be the formality of fame that puts you on the covers of tabloids, while the public idly watches you plumit into the murky abyss shared with the likes of Spencer Pratt & Jon Gosslin who, i'm sure, will steal your money whilst there. Fortunately for the world, there are people who have and don't have recognizable names, who have obtained artistic integrity and will one day, hopefully, bring that tangible artisticness into light again. Though, its hard to think thats achievable when people like You ali lohan are rendering the world of true talent by attempting to make your entitled ass noticed. How is this fair to the people who HAVE artistic integrity, or a mind? How is it fair to those who truly have something to offer the human race other then a dwindling last name and a few shitty films, both of which, solidified the idea that your just a celebrities sibling. I recognize that i might come across as harsh and no, i don't personally know you, but its the actions that you take, that speak for you. You blatently don't care how your recognized, its the objective to get famous and that is what makes you replaceable and a recycled idea .Well, im ashamed to have to be grouped into the same category of person as you. I would rather die a most painful death the be assoicated with the kind of careere your trying to make for your self. I hope i'm wrong because generally i'm not a very judgmental person, but in the case of you, that is MY entitlement.

I have to give to Frances for putting "Ali Lohan" and "artistic integrity" together, because my brain would have never ever gone to that place. And if it did, I'd have to disown it immediately.

I know I'm already on the Grammar & Spelling Nazis' most wanted list, but Frances Bean just jumped two places ahead of me. I'll see you in grammar prison, Frances! We can be bunk mates.

And if you're currently suffering from IRONY poisoning after reading this letter, just drink some milk and stay away from anything Courtney Love-related for a few hours.

P.S. - I'm patiently waiting for White Oprah's "open letter to Frances Bean," but I think she's still lying face first in a toilet from last night's debauchery, so let's give her a few.

VIA ONTD

At last night's Blink 182/Fall Out Boy show at MSG in NYC, Pete Wentz declared that it was "THE DEATH OF THE EMO HAIRCUT" and let Mark Hoppus cut his hair off on stage. All together now: "He should've cut off his head instead!"

While I am happy for Pete's hairline since it probably hasn't seen the light of anything for a long ass time, his new shaved head really isn't the look. Before, he looked like a slow orangutan with an Emo wig, and now he just looks like a slow orangutan.

Pete did good by taking a machete to the emo haircut, but he should have backed away from the clippers and skipped towards the dread wax. Remember when Pete had dreadlocks:

I mean, Pete with hairy penises all over his head just made sense!

VIA People & Friends Or Enemies