Yeah Okay

Bombshell McGee's "WP" tattoo does not stand for "White Power" as has been previously reported. Jesse James' jump-off tells her latest pimp InTouch Weekly that the "WP" actually stands for "Wet Pussy." Boobshit went on to say, "Jesse and I had a conversation about it and he says a lot of his friends have the tattoo."

See, that's the beauty of having initial tattoos! You can pretty much queef out any random meaning depending on who is asking. WP also stands for: Whore Pie, Wife Puncher, Wayward Poon, Whacked-out Possum (tribute to Kate Gosselin), Winnie Pooper, Wolf Piss, Wench Pleasesitdown....etc...etc...

Bombshell McGee isn't the only trick releasing text messages from their married celebrity fuck buddy. Porn star Joslyn James, a member of Tiger Woods' harem, has devoted an entire website (via TMZ) to the sext messages he sent her during their affair. Since The Insider has already maxed out their budget for Tiger's whores, this is what Joslyn needs to do in order to keep the silicone in her implants fresh.

Most of the text messages are secret agent instructions for Joslyn. Tiger tells her what hallways to use to get to his hotel room, and when to leave, etc... It's all covert and shit. It's like the porn version of Alias. Anias.

In dirtier messages, Tiger calls Joslyn his whore and tells her that he wants to choke her out, slap her ass, bite her body and pull her hair. You know, basically the same kind of text messages your boss writes you when you're running late to work.

If you need a side of freak with your lunch, the nastier text messages are after the jump. Who knew Tiger was a turkey sandwich kind of dude? I figured he was strictly roast beef. JUMP!

Vanilla Gorilla's side piece Boobshit McGee has brought evidence to the table in the form of several text messages from Jesse. Yes, she brought us text messages. She obviously didn't complete the course in mistress whoring at the Learning Annex, because text messages don't cut it anymore. Everyone knows that you can easily buy a prepaid cell phone, program that number into your real cell phone under the name "Mah Boo Anderson Cooper," and then send yourself a series of text messages like "I giggle for Michael" and "Only your no-no can polish my silver." It's so easy even my dumb ass can do it.

Now I'm pretty sure that Vanilla Gorilla did have sexual relations with that woman, but she still gets an F minus for this shit! This only proves that she text messages like a 12-year-old girl.

And in case you've been wondering what Marilyn Manson would look like if he got botched gender-reassignment surgery, here's some pictures of Bombshell. Keep the powder close, because your genitals will start to itch.

If you're like me then you usually pray for sex (or "love" as some call it), get sex and then eat afterwards because an orgasm usually brings on the munchies. So shouldn't the title of the book be Pray, Love, Eat instead of Eat, Pray, Love? Yes, it should.

Anyways, above is the trailer for the Fuck, Eat, Shit movie starring Julia Roberts as some co-dependent lady who runs off to foreign lands to find herself. Just call it Under the (fill in the name of a foreign country here) Sun. Of course there's a scene where Julia Roberts is battling with her jeans. Why are women in movies always torturing their jeans?! Bitch, just get new jeans. Old Navy is having a special.

Oh, and Julia Roberts' character needs to pull up a chair, because Charlene has something to tell her:

Yes, Michael Lohan has a heart. And yes, that heart attacked itself this afternoon. Michael's girlfriend Kate Major (who kind of looks like the kid from Two And A Half Men dressed as Tara Reid) told TMZ that Michael was rushed to a hospital in New York after complaining that his chest hurt. An EKG performed at the hospital showed that Michael had a little piece of karma lodged in his arteries, so doctors will unclog them this Friday.

Kate made sure to make every stop on the famewhore train, because she even called up Radar. Kate told them, “He was short of breath all day. His blood pressure skyrocketed. Right now they’ve told him it looks like he had a minor heart attack but they are still doing tests on him. Michael was in Miami. We just flew back to New York last night. But he didn’t feel well all day today.”

And if you missed any of this, there will be a week-long special devoted to this shit on The Insider. Fire up the artery cam!

At a Gotham Magazine party in NYC last night, Alicia Keys and Swizz Beats stepped out together as a couple for the first time. In case you haven't heard the whispers on the playground, Swizz is currently going through a messy divorce from his wife Mashonda. Shit got dirtier after Mashonda wrote an open letter accusing Alicia Keys of Sienna Miller-ing her marriage. And here we are now.

But on to more important matters, did Alicia replace her bottle of Proactiv with Swizz's pencil peen (you know that's what it looks like), because her skin looks like Tommy Girl's ass cheeks if he gets too close to a bottle of anti-depressants.

And I know Swizz looks like a perma stoner with a bad case of the farts, but I still would. I can't help it, but his Adrien Brody nose is making my b-hole want to scoot on over.

43-year-old David Schwimmer is getting married to 24-year-old photographer Zoe Buckman! These two crazy lovebirds met in London in 2007 while David was directing Run Fat Boy Run. This will be the first marriage for both of them.

David and Zoe have been dating for around 3 years, so you can stop trying to hand her that gold digging shovel! Besides, a trained gold digger digs with her mouth. Speaking of mouths, Zoe isn't puckering in the picture above because the money is so close she can actually taste it! No, she's puckering because pretending to suck on David Schwimmer's peen makes her happy. So there's really no need to embrace her into the Gold Diggers Club just yet!

Anyways, here's Ross' TRUE TRUE love Rachel Green looking more like Rachel Orange while doing stuff in NYC yesterday afternoon and this morning.

When the love between a couple you don't care about dies, the love between another couple you don't care about blooms! 17-year-old Demi Lovato, which is also the name of an item you can order off of Starbucks' secret menu, confessed to Billy Bush that she's dating fellow Disney whore Joe Jonas. This proves that Mickey Mouse's pimp game is alive and well. It's not hard out there for some pimps, apparently.

On his radio show on Friday, Billy Bush asked Demi if she has ever dated one of the Jonas Brothers, and she said some shit like, "Umm, maybe." After a few seconds of the worst game of back and forth ever, Billy finally asked Demi if she's polishing Joe's purity ring. Demi said, "Umm, yeah he is my best friend and he is incredible."

INCREDIBLY FIIIIEEEERCE is what she really meant. Demi must be one confident girl if she's able to handle the mayhem Joe creates when he hits the streets. When Joe starts strutting, Miss Jay SITS DOWN! We all know that when Joe cocks a hip, the prostate of every man in a 2-mile vicinity explodes. And when Joe bats his purdy eyes, women tear off their own lashes with their bare hands because they know they can never compete with him so they shouldn't try anymore.

Although, this is Demi's last boyfriend:

So it seems Demi can handle absolutely anything. Or she's got all the best dealers in L.A. on speed dial.

Katherine Hagel was supposed to return to work on Grey's Anatomy this past Monday after a 3-month maternity leave....buuuuuuut she didn't. This explains the deafening cheers that were heard throughout the Los Angeles area on Monday morning.

Michael Ausiello over at EW says that Hagel didn't show up because executive producer Shonda Rhimes has finally agreed to let her out of her contract. Hagel and her minions are currently working on an exit agreement with ABC. Hagel isn't expected to return to set and her final episode has already come and gone.

Hagel has made it clear that she would rather smile a friendly smile than continue working on Grey's, so it was nice of Shonda to unlock her handcuffs and release her back into the wild. Personally, I was hoping that Shonda tortured Hagel some more by making Izzie get Quasimodo's face transplanted onto hers after getting mauled by a fat dog. But Shonda is a better person than I.

And don't put the booze bottle down yet, because although Hagel's face won't be seen on the small screen anymore, it will be seen more on the BIG SCREEN. Yeah, you're going to need a bigger bottle.

If you've got about 65-hours to kill and have already done way more important things like (don't click on that) playing your goat bagpipes, then hit play above to watch the long ass video for "Telephone" starring The Tuck Master (aka Lady GaGa) and The Wig Whisperer (aka Beyonce). Brace yourself, because Beyonce's acting will melt the glue in your weave.

Better yet, skip the video and just put a half tab of acid under your tongue and watch a marathon of Freeway, Thelma & Louise, Kill Bill and Changed Heat while eating a Miracle Whip sandwich.

via Just Jared