Rachel Zoe

Thursday, January 17th 2008

Beauty And The Chupa

Salma Hayek is looking hotter than ever. She left her baby and oldie olsen boyfriend at home to attend the opening of the Sergio Rossi store in Beverly Hills last night. What Salma needs to do is stay away from Rachel "Chupacabra" Zoe. Chupa looks like she needs the blood of a virgin STAT. I'm waiting for her to break out into hysterics and beg for the One Ring to finally free her. Chupa! Stop wasting Salma's time and go and get your ring back from Bilbo Baggins.

I adore Salma. Hopefully this is her only meeting with Chupa.

74 comments

Rachel Zoe • Salma Hayek

Sunday, January 13th 2008

All Cleaned Up

Ashley Olsen looked like she didn't just crawl out from the gutter, Jared Leto didn't look like a douche member of an Emo tribute band, Rachel "Chupacabra" Zoe didn't look like she was jonesing for virgin blood and even Rumer Willis didn't look completely unfortunate. Celebrities sure cleaned themselves up for the Art of Elysium party last night in Los Angeles.

Even Ryan Gaycrest didn't look like he just came back from a gay gang bang. They all cleaned up pretty well. Well, except for Calista Flockhart. She's starting to look like Harrison Ford's spinster older sister.

73 comments

Monday, January 7th 2008

Chupa TV

It was bound to happen. Rachel "Chupacabra" Zoe has her own reality show with Bravo. Cameras will follow Chupa around as she styles stars and sucks the blood of virgins.

Chupa told Elle UK that the show isn't about her clients though. "It's dangerous for me to put myself at the forefront, but I want this TV project to educate people and answer their fashion questions. I want people to understand what I do and more about the fashion business."

The only way this show will be hot is if they show Chupa flying through the night as she searches for her prey. I personally don't give a fuck about the "style" part. If I wanted to see ugly and annoying people pick out boring clothes for ugly and annoying people I'd watch "What Not To Wear."

81 comments

Rachel Zoe

Monday, October 1st 2007

Don't Mess With The Wintour!

Chupacabra Zoe infamously said, "Anna Wintour is one of my heroes, but they say I'm more influential . . . As great as it is, Vogue won't change a designer's business. But if an unknown brand is worn by a certain person in a tabloid, it will be the biggest designer within a week."

Well, Page Six is reporting that Chupa's agency, Magnet, has dropped her ass, because of that little comment. A source said, "They didn't want to anger Anna and Anna is more important to work with."

Chupa told Page Six that she's the one that left and she wasn't dumped.

And it starts! Anna Wintour will take everything from that Chupa. Well, almost everything. She can't take her good looks since it's obvious someone took that a long time ago.

I have faith in Chupa though. She'll pull through. Nicole Richie better keep her baby away from her though, because I can already see Chupa licking her chops!

28 comments

Rachel Zoe

Thursday, September 13th 2007

Chupa Is The Fashion Jeebus

Rachel "Chupacabra" Zoe basically thinks she's the Messiah of Fashion. She told The New York Times Magazine that she's more influental than Vogue editor, Anna Wintour.

Chupa said, "Anna Wintour is one of my heroes, but they say I’m more influential. As great as it is, Vogue won’t change a designer’s business. But if an unknown brand is worn by a certain person in a tabloid, it will be the biggest designer within a week.”

Chupa apparently makes $6,000 a day to make girls look like old ladies.

Chupa needs some virgin blood stat, because the lack of it is making her brains turn to mush. The Wintour has probably already made a call to the gay mafia to take care of Chupa. By take care of her I mean invite her to a dinner at Outback Steakhouse, fatten her up so the fashion industry will never talk to her again!

Ewww...can you imagine a fat Chupa?

Source

Thanks Beedbeads

80 comments

Rachel Zoe

Thursday, September 6th 2007

Worried About Chupa

Rachel "Chupacabara" Zoe looks sooo....beige. What's going on. Is she not getting her daily dose of virgin blood? I'd say it's botox, but that's impossible. The amount of botox it would take to fill the Grand Canyon is the same amount it would take to fill Chupa's cracks.

Luckily it's fashion week, so there's enough 12-year-old skinny model blood for Chupa to feast on.

Here's Chupa with Jacquetta Wheeler at the Marchesa show today.

68 comments

Rachel Zoe

Sunday, July 29th 2007

Chupa's Next Victim!!!!!

Elisabeth Hasselcrack better watch her ass! Rachel "Chupa" Zoe is coming for her unborn baby!!!!! Look at that smile on Chupa's face! If I was Hasselcrack, I'd head into the bathroom, wipe off that disgusting eye make-up and then skedaddle home with a ring of garlic around my neck!

Here's Chupa and Crack at Instyle's Super Saturday yesterday in Watermill, NY.

139 comments

Rachel Zoe

Tuesday, June 5th 2007

Chupacabra's Got A Man!

Holy hell! Did Rachel "Chupacabra" Zoe actually snag a human male!? You know and he's not half bad either. She still belongs with Skeletor Marc Anthony, but this dude will do for now.

Chupa showed off her new piece at the CFDA Awards last night in NYC. Imagine hittin' Chupa? Her dick-sucking skills are probably bleak! I doubt she can even deep throat a Juicy Juice straw.

52 comments

Rachel Zoe

Thursday, May 10th 2007

There She Goes Again!

Cameron Diaz would be a lot more attractive if she shut her lips. Seriously, the producers of Shrek 3 should've kept her off the talk show circuit. Anyway, Cameron is sick of people blaming her for being so damn gorgeous.

She said, "If a woman who's a successful actress weighs 300 pounds and has warts, nobody ever asks her, 'Do you think you made it because you're ugly?' So why should there be prejudice against someone who's had some success in films and looks a little better than average. It's all in my genes, so don't hold it against me."

She needs to fix that nose job before she goes around calling herself beautiful. Has anyone seen Cameron since last night? She was spotted with Rachel Zoe and well...Rachel does feed off of the beautiful and since Cammy is so stupidly-mind-boggling-gorgeous she'd be a prime victim for Chupa!

Source: US Weekly

190 comments

Cameron Diaz • Dumbasses • Rachel Zoe

Friday, May 4th 2007

Twin Sisters

Nothing pleases me more than to see two long-lost twin sisters reunite! Rachel "Chupacabra" Zoe and Lindsay Lohan reunited last night at the Byron Williams salon opening. Rachel is like 300-years older than Lindsay, but they seriously could pass as her older sister. Lindsay needs to fix that issue STAT.

My new favorite Bijou Phillips also showed up. Only for the open bar I'm sure. It was so nice of her pimp to let her off from working the Barstow truck-stop last night. I hear Thursday is a busy night!