Lady GaGa

South African runner Caster Semenya (hehehe...she has semen in her name...hehehe) won the gold in the women's 800-meter at the World Championships in Berlin last night, but officials may snatch (peen, I mean, pun intended) away her victory if it turns out she's really a dude. Some hos think that 18-year-old Caster might have some man in her, so they are forcing her to undergo a series of gender tests performed by a bunch of doctors and experts.

Officials say they don't believe that Caster cheated by having a sex change, but they think she has a "medical condition." Basically, they think she has both male and female chromosomes (aka a case of the Lady GaGas). If the test results reveal that Caster is a dude, they will strip her of her gold medal. They haven't said what will happen if she's got a peen and a pooner.

Caster's daddy told a South African paper, "She is my little girl. ... I raised her and I have never doubted her gender. She is a woman and I can repeat that a million times."

You know, this could easily be resolved in a matter of seconds. Just get Tommy Girl to sniff her up and down. If his extra terrestrial peen stays limp like a soggy noodle and his Scientolohole doesn't slobber like a Mastiff, then Caster is 100% WOMAN! It's that easy.

That being said, I'd hit it. Well, bitch has got a hot BODY and I've got an active imagination. Let's do this.

My inbox is really about to stick its head in an oven and commit suicides if it sees the subject "Lady GaGa has a dick" one more time. I was really trying to avoid this, because we've been traumatized enough this Friday and some of us are still a few hours away from Booze & Bong Time. But let's put on our rubber gloves and deal with it!

So, last year, this quote supposedly from Lady CaCa made the rounds:

Its not something that I'm ashamed of, just isn't something that i go around telling everyone. Yes. I have both male and female genitalia, but i consider myself a female. Its just a little bit of a penis and really doesnt interfere much with my life. the reason I haven't talked about it is that its not a big deal to me. like come on. its not like we all go around talking about our vags. I think this is a great opportunity to make other multiple gendered people feel more comfortable with their bodies. I'm sexy, I'm hot. i have both a poon and a peener. big fucking deal.
- L8d Gaga <3

Well, the probably fake quote is back and has been traveling around the internets again along with the video clip above. At the 1:00 mark, Lady CaCa gets off her bike and flashes what could be fat 'gina, extra-long labia lips, a plastic dildo, a flesh-colored feminine hygiene product (we've been here before) or a real peen. I've tried to examine closely, but the dry heaves got the best of me. I don't know if she's got a permanent dick on her box, but I do know that she's an attention whore who would pull some shit like this to get us all yapping. This much is true.

So, that's that. Now will someone please pass me a pitcher of gin and gasoline. Booze Hour has just been moved up!

P.S. - Jamie Lee Curtis is not amused by any of this!

Fucking shit fuck fuck shit fuck fucking fuck! THIS BITCH. Lady CaCa is really doing this! You know, a few days ago I saw pictures of her with the same eyebrows and figured that it was just a one-time thing. I thought that even her fool ass would realize that she is not worthy of such exquisite eyebrows. BUT here she is again! The Sharpie Corporation needs to send a cease and desist to Lady CaCa right away! Also, the cholas and the old crazy ladies of the world need to file a class-action lawsuit against her for copyright infringement!

I'm serious. I'd rather see Sharpie eyebrows on CHERYL BURKE'S floppy nalgas than this bitch. Anybody but this trick ass skank ho! Something must be done.

Lady CaCa visted an HIV support center in Manchester, England yesterday and talked about how she was doing charity work when she was a toddler.

Lady CaCa's mouth farted this: “I’ve been doing volunteer work since I was two. When I can, I do everything I can for those in need.”

Oh, she's being modest! Lady CaCa gave a special gift to the world as soon as she was born! She gave us the gift of regular bowel movements, because every time I see her my ass heads for the nearest toilet.

VIA The Sun

Lady CaCa says she wants to turn her suffocated pussay into a cherry picker and go a'pluckin' in Jonas Land. During an interview with the Daily Star (via Press Association), the performance fartist said, "I love the Jonas Brothers, they're very talented, I met them once, I'd like to have a foursome with them."

Herm. I'm pretty sure that the moment one of the Jonas Brothers stuck their purity poles into Lady CaCa's chocharonie would be God's cue to hit the button. The world has suffered enough.

Although, maybe a Jonas/CaCa fuck party wouldn't be such a bad thing. I mean, those three little twinkies would limp out of there with their Disney-owned nutsacks in one hand and their decapitated wangs in the other. No pro-creating for them! We all win.

But seriously, you know the Jonas Twinks have had more panty action than Lady CaCa. Purity schmurity.

Alexander Skarsgård, Eric the viking vampire from True Blood and regular co-star of my dirty wet dreams, had to lick on Lady CaCa in her new video for "Paparazzi." Alexander has to make out with her mouth and everything! Think of all the baby wipes he had to eat just to get the taste out of his precious mouth.

Please tell me he did this for a check. Although, maybe he did it just so he could toss her ass off a hill (my favorite part)? If that's the case, my no-no still sings for him.

You know who else is in this never-ending "Girl, U So Artsy" shit? Those Swedish triplets Daisy de la Whora rejected on Daisy of Love! Lady CaCa needs to start doing background checks on tricks, because nobody should be put their tongue on Daisy's leftovers. Not even Lady CaCa.

Click here if you can't see the video above

Things you shouldn't see while sober: Lady CaCa on the cover of Rolling Stone with queef bubbles floating out of her crotch. Calgon, take her the fuck away already!

If Bette Midler circa 1978 and a special needs bull dog mated at Chernobyl......

The only thing that rises when I think of Lady CaCa is my fist, because it wants to punch her in the mouth. And here's a quote from the magazine that might make you to do the same: “I don’t feel like I look like the other perfect little pop singers. I think I’m changing what people think is sexy.”

VIA Jezebel (Thanks Al)

The living and breathing (that's unconfirmed) art installation that is Lady CaCa visited a museum in Paris today so that she could be around other works of high art. I think they immediately told her to leave, because she made the paintings cry in pain. They, like me, just don't understand such high levels of true art.

Maybe I'm becoming completely desensitized by this bunny-toothed hag, but I don't mind this outfit. Yes, I won't be able to enjoy an ice cream cone for a while without thinking it was attached to this beast's hooves, but other than that..... Oh wait, one more thing. I think the skirt probably looked better when it wasn't poofed out like that. Lady CaCa couldn't help it though. The hot air slowly seeping out of her ass made it balloon up.

Really? What is this? Why did this happen? Who put this here? What asshole does this?! Why?! Why hasn't someone sprayed this tranny cockroach with RAID yet? I don't understand. I know my simple mind just can't comprehend this level of artistic genius, but who actually likes this? Raise your hand....and then immediately put it in your garbage disposal and turn it on. But seriously, this bitch really does make me appreciate Vadge. That's kind of ironic since I'm 100% sure Lady CaCa is a mutation of one of Vadge's roidy crotch warts.

Oh, shit. This is a "Say Something Nice" and I already failed. Okay, let me try this again. Well, um...errr...the umbrella is nice.

Here's Lady CaCa after stealing Bette Midler's lips in Hocus Pocus in London last night with Mika.

Lady CaCa is such an English lady. Not only has she adopted Vadge's queef-inducing fraudulent British accent, but now she's carrying around a teacup all around town. It's just the artist being artsy. Lady CaCa is like a walking Louvre. I wish she'd walk right into the path of an oncoming double-decker bus.

The giant fart bag has become so attached to the teacup that she went crazy recently after leaving it at a restaurant. Some source told The Sun, “She kicked up a stink and demanded someone get her cup and saucer back. She wouldn’t drink out of anything else. It just looked like any other cup and saucer to me and said ‘Made in China’ on the bottom. It seemed a lot of fuss over nothing.”

Lady CaCa's spokesbitch is in on the ridiculousness, because they said, “Lady GaGa does not want to reveal anything about the teacup itself, but drinking ginger tea is very good for singers.”

Ugh. When is she going to crawl back into her own dick hole? She really needs to spend ten minutes with Amy Wino so she can learn how authentic crazy bitches do it.

Just for the record, she didn't misplace that teacup. The poor thing was trying to quit that bitch. It was on its way to Heathrow to catch the next jet to Taiwan when Lady CaCa got her diarrhea claws on it again. It will get the last laugh. Lady CaCa is going to wonder why her ginger tea tastes nuttier than usual. That's because her teacup is going to vom right before her nasty lips touch its rim.

Here's CaCa wandering the streets of London while wearing a thong around her neck which makes her titties look even more like a sad pair of saggy chest nalgas.