Baby Names

Top Chef's Padma Lakshmi gave birth to a baby girl in NYC on Saturday. The birth was sponsored by the makers of the GLAD family of products. Padma's rep had this to say to People about her client's new baby friend:

"Model, author and Emmy-nominated host of Top Chef Padma Lakshmi gave birth to a baby girl named Krishna Thea Lakshmi on Saturday. Mother and baby are well and happy."

You better believe that Padma has already made Krishna spit sign a confidentiality agreement forbidding her to reveal her daddy's name to the media. If you ask Padma who the father of her baby is, she'll douse you in tomato-kombu sauce and tell Tom Coliccho that dinner is served.

And I'm guessing that in an upcoming episode of Top Chef, one of the quickfires will be to make an amuse bouche out of Padma's placenta. Okay, okay, I'm packing my knives and I'm going....

You know those goth rockabilly kids in junior high school who carried around Nightmare Before Christmas lunchboxes, painted fake tattoo on their bodies with Sharpies, regularly went to the nurse for their "cutting" problem, hung out at Disneyland on the weekend to be ironic and wrote poetry based on the musical lyrics of The Smiths?

Well, they grew up, got engaged to each other, had a baby, and named him SIN HALO JUDE. I'm pretty sure "SIN HALO" is also a promo code you enter at HotTopic.com to get free shipping if you spend $100 or more.

If you watch Bravo's Millionaire Matchmaker, then you know of Patti Stanger's assistants Destin and Rachel. The HotTopic-ites are engaged, and they recently brought this little baby into the world. They say that they decided to name Sin Halo, because they think everybody has good and bad in them. Rachel went on to tell Life & Style, “My parents hate the name Sin Halo."

By the look on Sin Halo's face, I'm pretty sure he hates the name Sin Halo too.

John Rich, one half of the country duo Big & Rich, and his wife welcomed a baby boy on Sunday in Nashville. And they welcomed the poor kid by naming him CASH RICH. That's no fucking welcome. John has been keeping that name in his pocket for years. IN THIS ECONOMY, that name sounds a little cocky. Layaway Plan, Rent-To-Own or Credit Rich would've been more appropriate.

I'm a little surprised that John didn't go all the way by naming his son Ca$h Money Rich. I'm sure John entertained the idea, but that Ke$ha urchin probably threatened to barf in his closet or brush his teeth with a bottle of Jack if he went through with it.

So based on his name, Cash Rich is either going to be a used car salesman or a trailer park pimp. Or he can team up with Matthew McConaughey's nephew Miller Lyte and form the country's premiere white rapping duo (who only plays county fair pre-parties and Spears family reunions). Bubba Sparxxx is on line one.

via People

Bronx Mowgli has been challenged! The Los Angeles Times brings us the news that Johnny Knoxville's girlfriend Naomi Nelson gave birth to a baby boy on Sunday night. Their new baby weighed in at 8 lbs. and they have named him...ROCKO AKIRA CLAPP. None of that is a typo. This must be just another gory Jackass stunt. Rocko Akira Clapp is the same noise Steve-O made when he swallowed that goldfish and then threw it up.

Johnny's government name is Phillip John Clapp, so you can't really blame him for using the last name Knoxville. But why must he put his kid through that. Clapp is bad enough, but pairing it with Rocko makes it sound like something a nurse practitioner at the free clinic diagnoses you with after admitting that you let Gerard Butler wiggle the tip in. Poor child.

Johnny also has a 13-year-old daughter named Madison from his ex-wife. You know Madison has not stopped pointing and laughing at Rocko Clapp since Sunday.

via MSNBC

Gis Bundchen and Tom Brady brought home one those baby things last week, but they didn't settle on a name until recently. Tom told a bunch of reporters that Gis couldn't make up her mind.

Well, Gis finally decided what name to write down on the birth certificate and it is (cue anticlimactic drum roll)....Benjamin Brady! Yeah, after all that and she comes up with some BENJAMIN BRADY'S shit.

Gis probably doesn't know this yet, but that name is meant to be pronounced in a terrible Southern accent (ala Cate Blanchett). Like this: Beeeeeeeenjahmun Braaaaaydeh. I don't know if that's what Gis was going for, but that's how I read it. Hopefully, Benjamin Brady doesn't have a face like Pepaw Baby Pitt.

via UsWeekly

Heidi Klum's crotch will no longer be in the shadow of her enormous belly, because she finally birthed one of those baby things early this morning. Heidi's crotch can finally get some sun. Yipeee.

Radar says that Heidi and Seal's second baby friend (her third) has a vagina and they named her Lou Samuel.

You know, I didn't smack my lips or rotate my eyes when reading that name, so it's fine by me. I actually like old man names for little girls. Think about it. A girl in a pink dress and pig tails with the name Horrice, Angus or Clarence is pretty damn adorable.....if you're stoned.

However, I'm not sure if it works with boys too. We should put it to the test. The first one of you who pops out a boy, better name him Bertha or Myrtle. Tell me how that goes.

Poppin' babies is the theme of September, so Ellen Pompeo joined the club by having her own a few days ago in Los Angeles. Ellen's rep tells UsWeekly that she had a baby girl on September 15th named Stella Luna Pompeo Ivery.

Stella Luna is Ellen and Chris Ivery's first child together.

Stellaluna is also the name of a kiddie book about a bat who is raised by birds. Xtina's bat baby future soulmate was just born!

Not only is Stellaluna the name of a cartoon bat with crack eyes and an uncontrollable tongue, but it also sounds like the name of a light beer. I approve.

That giant oaf of a man Tom Brady burped out that his wife Gis Bundchen is currently housing a baby in her midlands section. Tom told ESPN (via People) that Gis will evict their baby sometime in December. This is Tom confirming the rumor from May about Gis being knocked up.

Tom said, "The women are the ones who have to do the work. We just have to be there to support them and so it'll be nice to do that." Well, be there to support them on every day but Sunday. Tom agreed to go to Lamaze classes with Gis, but told her, "No Sundays! It couldn't be harder than training camp, so I'll be prepared."

And Gis should get a lawyer to write up what her idea of "support" is, because methinks Tom's idea is very different. When Bridge Moynahan was knocked up, Tom supported her by riding Gis bareback. So, the more you know, Gis.....

Here's some pictures from last month of Gis bouncing around Boston while hiding her OMGSOHUGENORMOUS bump from the paps. It looks like she's carrying a fetus in her lips instead of in her belly area.

Right now at a hospital room in the Los Angeles area, a newborn baby is desperately trying to crawl back into Nicole Richie's vagina after hearing what she has named him. People reports that Nicole and Joel Madden welcomed a baby boy early this morning and named him Sparrow James Midnight Madden. Yes, this just confirms that doing massive amounts of the bad shit will eff up your brains for life!

Sparrow James Midnight Madden joins 19-month-old Harlow Winter Kate Madden as the newest member of the Our Parents Hate Us Club (The Madden Branch).

Nicole and Joel issued this statement that sounds like it was written by Edgar Allen Poe's ass lips: "In the middle of night, the very early hours of September 9, 2009, Sparrow James Midnight Madden was born to Nicole Richie and Joel Madden. He weighs 7 lbs. 14 oz. Nicole, Joel, Harlow and Sparrow are all doing well. Thank you for all of your good wishes."

Okay, okay, his name isn't that bad (Yes, it is). If I was still a 15-year-old faux goth kid on ecstasy, I'd completely be into Nicole Richie giving her baby a name that sounds like an Urban Decay nail polish color.

Jennifer Hudson, who never officially came out and shouted "I'VE GOT A BABEH IN MY WOMB," gave birth to a baby friend yesterday evening. E! says that JHud's new baby is a boy and weighed in at in at 7 pounds, 14 ounces. JHud's new baby was named after his father. No, his name isn't Punk From I Love New York Jr., they named him David Daniel Otunga Jr.

This is JHud and Punk's first baby. They are planning to get married sometime this year.

Congrats to JHud, Punk and David Jr.! When David Jr. has settled in, he should meet Captain Maddox at the gate to begin training with the child army. It won't be long now before they take over the world and make us all their prisoners.