Megan Fox

Three crew members who worked on both Transformers movies sent in an open letter to Michael Bay's official site (via ONTD) where they shat all over philosopher and feminist Megan Fox for calling Michael "Hitler" in an interview.

The three unnamed crew members (aka Michael Bay, his assistant and his publicist) are basically co-signing what most whores already think. They say Megan is dumber than a Snuggie, ungrateful, classless, a cunt of all cunts, completely talentless and that she should probably be doing porn instead of acting in blockbuster movies.

The letter is supposed to make you want to run for president of the I HATE MEGAN FOX fan club, but it actually makes me kind of like her stupid ass for a quick minute. I mean, she's dumb, she's a slut and she's a bitch. The dumb slutty bitch is my kind! It's like we were separated at the free clinic!

The entire letter is after the jump. It's long, but the pure cuntiness of it makes it a must read. JUMP!

If a Megan Fox fuck tape leaked onto the internet, it would look just like the clip above! That's according to the ho herself. Megan recently told MTV (via The L.A. Times) that she would never ever film herself getting down on the dick, because she would look like a hippo fucking. Only from the mind of Megan Fox....

She said, "It would take one shot of me not looking good, and I would not be able to have sex ever again, because I would always just see myself looking like a hippo having sex."

So whip out those dongs, fanboys, and jack until you're raw. Because this is what Megan Fox looks like while she's getting dicked. Yeah, this exactly what I pictured too.

And I think that every time Megan is about to open her mouth to speak, we should immediately hold up a sign that says: "WARNING: Megan Foxes mark their territory! You may be SPRAYED!"

Megan Fox on Zac Efron's Interview Magazine cover from April:

"He's beautiful. He's the next Elizabeth Taylor. That picture made me think of it. "I just like to make fun of him."

You know when a child is yapping to you in their own strange language and you have no idea what they're saying? You just nod every few seconds, throw in a "Yeah, uh huh," and then finally hand them a cookie to stop them from talking and stop you from bashing your head into a wall. Well, when you read a Megan Fox quote, just do the same thing.

VIA Radar

Whenever you see a picture of Megan Fox, you should immediately put on a dunce cap and sit in her corner, because it's time for your Foxtard-ism of the day. It's good for you! It gives your brain self-confidence! Well, unless your name is Kourtney Kardashian. If that's the case, that statement doesn't apply to you.

Megan is going after Michael Bay, director of Transformers, again. Megan tells Wonderland Magazine (via The L.A. Times), "He’s like Napoleon and he wants to create this insane, infamous mad-man reputation. He wants to be like Hitler on his sets, and he is. So he’s a nightmare to work for but when you get him away from set, and he’s not in director mode, I kind of really enjoy his personality because he’s so awkward, so hopelessly awkward. He has no social skills at all. And it’s endearing to watch him. He’s vulnerable and fragile in real life and then on set he’s a tyrant. Shia and I almost die when we make a Transformers movie. He has you do some really insane things that insurance would never let you do."

Insane things? Like make you do ass-to-mouth in his trailer? Yeah, Megan, I hate to break it to your b-hole, but that's not for the movie..... Yeah, not even for the DVD extras. Sorry.

I'm so amazed at how Megan Fox fucks herself repeatedly without even touching her chocha. I think we found her one talent!

Do you know what time it is, class? It's time for another priceless lecture from your favorite professor: Dr. Nag Em (an anagram for Megan) Fox!!! This time around, Megan is getting really personal. All of you Marilyn Monroe fans out there (I'm talking to you, HoHan) might want to wrap your keyboard with Saran wrap, because you will get vommy all over it.

In the new issue of Wonderland Magazine (via The Examiner), Megan queefs, “I basically read every book ever written about Marilyn Monroe. I could end up like that because I constantly struggle with the idea that I think I’m a borderline personality—or that I have bouts of mild schizophrenia. I definitely have some kind of mental problem and I haven’t pinpointed what it is.”

Hmm...Now, I'm not a doctor, but I'm guessing Megan has a severe case of verbal bulimia with just a mild dash of Mememememem Syndrome and maybe a bit of Cockalitis of the throat. The cure is to take 50mgs of STFU every hour on the hour!

"Women always have a strike up on men. We've always got our bodies (if you keep it in shape) and we've always got the check to cash." - A New Jersey flower from the documentary Wildwood, NJ

Philosopher and feminist hero Megan Fox completely agrees with this statement. In the new issue of Cosmo, Professor Whoreface says, "Women hold the power, because we have the vaginas. If you're in a heterosexual relationship and you're a female, you win."

You got that, ladies? If your dude is ever giving you lip, just pull down your pants, rip off your panties, spread them legs and show your vagina. BOOM! Game over. You wear the vagina in the relationship, so you WIN. VAGINA POWER!

All of the world's big debates should be solved with just a flash of the puss!

And in case you're hongray for more of Megan's drops of wisdom (make sure to take penicillin after), here's three that'll make you barf up LOLs:

Megan on commitment: "I have no problem with commitment — you can't have a real relationship without it. I can flip on a switch in my brain, and even if the next Brad Pitt is standing next to me, I won't look at him. But I can also turn that switch off, and then I collect attractive boys."

Megan on boys: "I never call them guys. I always called them boys. Maybe it's a superiority complex — my needing to keep them down."

Megan on being hit on by famous dudes: "It's fun when someone intends to put you in his back pocket, but instead, he walks away wounded. I make it a mind game, so they don't know if I'm hitting on them or mocking them. Male actors drop lines about their private jets, trying to seem powerful, but I don't give a shit. I don't need someone else's power. I'm obtaining my own."

VIA MTV

"Actress" (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!) Megan Fox has a message for all of you kids out there who are made of fun of because you are different. Fuck 'em, and then kill them, and then eat them.

So, basically, Megan Fox is telling you to Jeffrey Dahmer a bitch if they call you a name. Just blame it on Megan Fox. It will hold up in court.

P.S. - This is just an ad for her movie. Don't do that.

Have the straight dudes of America turned on whore hero, philosopher and tongue aficionado Megan Fox? The NYDN says that they might have, because they have declared August 4th as "A Day Without Megan Fox." On that day, a handful of dude-focused websites (including Asylum, Double Viking and AskMen) will not post anything Megan Fox related. They say that Megan Fox mania has forced them to put her in the corner for a 24-hour time out.

The editor of AskMen said, "You can have too much of a good thing. We're joining in the media blackout and giving our readers a one-day reprieve from the woman we've been drowning in all summer."

What oh what are they going to do when the Megan Fox fuck tape hits the internet on August 4th? They will have to gnaw off each other's fingers to not write about it. Brains and nutsacks will explode. You know it's going to happen. The internet gods are a bunch of cunts!

And I don't think I can partake in this. I mean, if I don't look at a picture Megan Fox licking on an imaginary dick at least once a day, I'm afraid I won't wake up the next morning. Or I'm afraid I will wake up without a tongue.

Life & Style (au revoir to those who left after reading that) claims that when asked by a woman what she thinks of Megan Fox, St. Angie Jo said:

"Is she aiding in Africa or sitting in on U.N. conferences? Donating herself to something bigger than Hollywood? I'm not familiar with her work, is she an Oscar contender?"

It's hard to believe she said that, because I think St. Angie would really pull a "Mimi when asked about JLo" and say, "I don't know her."

If St. Angie really did say that, I just have a few questions..... Has Angie ever been named FHM's #1 Sexiest Woman in the World? Has she ever held the peen of a regular former cast member from the original Beverly Hills 90210? Has she ever been on the cover of Pawprint Magazine? Has she ever shared the screen with the legendary Ted McGinley? Has she ever made the Olsens look like a couple of Meryl Streeps with her god awful acting skills?

Yeah, I thought NOT. Think before you speak, Jolie!

(Source: Jezebel VIA Celebitchy Images: Wireimage)

Professor Whore Face was asked if she watches her own movies and this is what she said:

"I usually don't watch myself. I don't watch playback. I don't look at still photos. I have a phobia of it. But, I forced myself to sit down for Transformers 2. I shot an entire glass of champagne, so that I could get through it."

Only one measly glass? The average person has to down Kiefer Sutherland's entire liquor cabinet just to get through a Megan Fox "performance." I've learned that it's best if you're completely unconscious.

I bet that if you polled all the world's alcoholics, you'll find that over 90% of them turned to the bottle after watching Megan in the first Transformers.

Source: The Sun