Rehab

Amy Wino is reportedly set to return to rehab for the ten millionth time. Wino's management wants to transport her crack ass overseas to get help. Wino has asked for their help and knows she needs rehab.

A source told The Sun, “There are too many temptations for her in the UK — people around her in London are making it impossible for her to stay clean for any length of time. Her management had considered flying her to a clinic in Israel but are now looking further afield. They are assessing a clinic in Cape Town in South Africa.”

I don't care if they send that girl to a rehab facility on the moon, she's not going to get better until she dumps Blaaaaaake. He's her cocaine.

If Wino stays with Blaaake, the only way to get her clean is to give the bitch an autopsy. She needs to have her blood drained and her organs cleaned out. She's hardcore crack dirty.

The Sun also asked a doctor about Wino's alleged "impetigo" face. He said, "THE BITCH HAS CRACK FACE!!!" No...he said, “The damage is quite severe, but not unusual with crack cocaine abuse. She’s got a number of sores, some of which look infected, and others that have formed ulcers.”

Proactiv should come out with a "crack face" edition. They would make a killing on Wino alone.

Kiki Dunst is reportedly keeping busy in rehab. Yeah, she's probably going to meetings, crying in meetings and all that, but InTouch Magazine reports she's also getting her floppy pussy eaten. They don't put it that bluntly, but they claim she's found love in rehab. That's smart, because rehab relationships really last.

A source said, "The staff has asked the two to separate more than enough. She sits on his lap while smoking cigarettes." Kiki's new mystery man even asked his mommy to send Kiki flowers.

Kiki is currently at Cirque Lodge in Utah. This is the same joint where Lindsay Lohan found true love. We all know how that ended.

In even hotter Kiki news, she's reportedly leaving Hollywood. Yes! Yes! Star Magazine reports that Lindsay will leave Hollywood forever after she gets out of rehab. A source said, "When she first came to the Cirque, she said she was planning to leave Hollywood. If she feels that Hollywood holds too many temptations, then maybe she should go in another direction. One thing is for sure — Kirsten's got a lot of demons to conquer. But she's determined to win."

Those aren't demons. It's just gas. I think Kiki should leave Hollywood. This is the best thing I have heard all morning. She should take her new rehab love, move to Greenland, smoke pot all day and play with their fat bellies. This is the life Kiki was meant to live.

Jeff Conaway of "Celebrity Rehab" claims he's finally kicked drugs. Jeff told Inside Edition that John Travolta and Scientology have helped him. What would Dr. Drew say?

He said, “I’ve been doing Scientology…My doctor was like holy cow, he says whatever you’ve been doing keep doing it because it’s really working. John and I stayed friends but he couldn’t watch me going down the tubes…He gave me a whole library of Scientology books and he’s given me an auditor who comes almost every day.”

They got another one! I don't know what worse, being a crackhead or being a Scientologist? I have to think about that one. I think that daily auditor is slowing draining Jeff's blood and replacing it with alien blood. Jeff will be screaming about psychiatry, spraying his head with canned hair and running around with robot women in no time.

It's sound like he's already on the right crazy track. Jeff also said, "I’m going to be strong and healthy and totally together. I’ve got to get ready for my Academy Award.” Spoken like a true Scientologist! Delusional. Good work John.

Rehab is getting fucking crowded. Pat O'Brien is trying the rehab thing again reports The Insider. They released this statement:

"The Insider" co-host PAT O'BRIEN has entered a rehabilitation facility for treatment. O'Brien and his doctors felt this is the best course for maintaining his sobriety.

Eva Mendes also returned to rehab today after a business break. Kiki Dunst is also in the tank. Someone check into rehab and find out what's going on with these people.

I'm disappointed that we didn't get more hot Pat O'Brien phone sex action before this rehab stint. Hearing coke growl saying, "I want to eat you. I want you to suck my cock" gets me every time.

Scott Weiland has checked into rehab according to a message on Velvet Revolver's website.

"Following Velvet Revolver's performance last night in Los Angeles, lead singer Scott Weiland voluntarily entered a rehab facility.

Tonight's San Diego show at the House of Blues has been postponed; the rescheduled date for San Diego is [to be announced]. Velvet Revolver deeply apologize to their fans and thank them for sticking by the group."

Scott was arrested last November after he crashed his car on a highway in L.A. He was charged with DUI. Velvet Revolver is set to begin their Australian tour on February 15th. Their rep said those plans have not changed and the tour will go on.

He just entered into rehab and he's going to start working again next week? Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Scott has done this shit before. He just needs to check in and lock the door.

Oh and I really like those silver balls.

Source

Eva Mendes has busted out of rehab reports Life & Style. Eva checked into the Cirque Lodge in Utah a few weeks ago to battle some sort of substance abuse problem. Eva arrived back in Los Angeles last night. Her rep gave this statement a few days ago, "Eva has been working hard for the past year and made a positive decision to take some much needed time off to attend to some personal issues that, while not critical, she felt deserved some outside professional support."

Eva has checked out, but Kiki Dunst has checked in. She's at Cirque too. Eva probably couldn't take the stench and had to get out of there.

UPDATE: Eva's only out for a quick second. She's going back in claims her rep. "Eva is attending to some personal business in Los Angeles and intends to return to complete her treatment shortly." Personal business being hitting up the bars! I'm joking.

Image: Splash

Kiki Dunst is currently getting help at Cirque Lodge in Utah for some sort of substance abuse problem reports Star Magazine. She apparently wanted to get some help after having a few breakdowns. A source said, "She seemed to be intoxicated when she checked in because she was acting really erratic. She was extremely emotional, constantly breaking down in tears. She not in a good place right now, but thankfully, she's getting the help she needs."

Of course she's not in a good place. She's in fucking rehab, Einstein! It's not exactly Disney World.

Eva Mendes is currently getting help at Cirque. They can be bunkmates.

Damn. It seems like everyone's in rehab or the damn pysch ward. They need to put a giant glass bowl over Hollywood and only let them out for special occasions.

TMZ is reporting that Eva Mendes is in rehab. Eva is currently at Lindsay Lohan's old joint, Cirque Lodge, in Utah. Eva is treating some substance abuse problem and has been there for several weeks.

Did Eva not get the memo? Rehab is out, the psych ward is in.

I didn't see this one coming. What's the substance? I'm guessing booze, but she sort of have a nose made for snorting. I'll stick with booze. She's a traditional lady.

When I first saw the name "Eva" I was praying it was Eva LongWHORIA. That would have made me leap through the streets singing "I Could Have Danced All Night.

The Insider reports that everyone's favorite party girl, Sean Young, has checked into rehab for booze abuse. This comes after the stories about Sean getting kicked out of the DGA Awards this past Saturday. Sean was apparently faded and shouting at the presenters. She got kicked out.

I guess public humiliation will force your tail between your legs and send you off to the tank. First, I hear Sally Kirkland is laid up sick and now this?! Who the hell is going to show up and act like a drunken mess at the Oscars?! Somebody get Bai Ling on the clam. This is important business!

Poor Sean. She never really got over not getting the role of Catwoman in Batman Returns.

Wino's record company have issued a statement saying she's in rehab. The Sun reports that Wino actually admitted she had a drug problem and needed help. Are pigs flying? She actually admitted it?

"Amy decided to enter the facility today after talks with her record label, management, family and doctors. She has come to understand that she requires specialist treatment to continue her ongoing recovery from drug addiction and prepare for her planned appearance at the Grammy Awards. She is nominated in an incredible six categories."

I hope NASA is somehow involved, because that's what it's going to take for Wino to kick drugs. I say she'll stick it out as long as they keep the freezer stocked with those popsicles she's always buying. If they don't, bitch will be out my breakfast tomorrow.

Like I said before, they really need to videotape her detox. That horror show would rival Cloverfield.