Tina Fey

In the new Harper's Bazaar, Tina Fey said that she's not about to get intimate with a botox needle anytime soon, because she doesn't want to look like a shiny candle. To be more specific, a holiday candle. Tina said, "You can point any kind of laser at my face, but I don't think Botox is for me. I think it is bad. People who have too much, they look like their faces are full of candles — a shiny, shiny face." Festive, though. "Yes, festive. A holiday candle."

And now I can clearly see what Tina meant by this. When you skip into a Yankee Candle this holiday season, don't be too shocked if you see Nicole Kidman chilling on a shelf with a wreath around her neck and a wick on top of her head. In the clearance section, of course.

Here's Nicole Kidman at an Omega store in NYC looking surprisingly moist for someone who probably can't drink a glass of water without a surgeon carefully inserting a skinny straw into her mouth.

I was totally waiting for the night Cindy McCain would make an appearance on "SNL" in some way, shape or form and figured it wasn't going to happen since Amy Poehler (the only ho who could really play Cindy) is dealing with something called a newborn baby. I know, selfish, right?

Well, the little doll lover made it to "SNL" last night and played herself in the opening QVC sketch with her maverick-ey husband John McCain and Tina Fey. Those bitches at QVC don't have shit on Cindy. She seriously has a career in QVC jewelry modeling.

I didn't watch the rest of the show, because I decided to grab a bottle of vodka, watch "The Darjeeling Limited" and slowly drift into dreamland with visions of Adrien Brody's beautiful nose dancing in my head. I swear, I just want to cuddle with it. Sorry, let's get back on topic! Click here if you give an eff about seeing the other skits.

Also, Starbucks is giving out free coffees to hos who vote on Tuesday. Those cheap ass fucks are only giving out small regular coffees though! They should have given out jumbo Frapps! Brit Brit would have found a way to vote at least 100 times.

I totally forgot SNL is doing special Thursday's episodes before the election, so I didn't get to see this shit live. I think I was watching "Survivor" instead. Well, you never know when those floppy peen-slips are going to happen. You have to be ready.

Will Ferrell and Tina Fey reunited last night as Bush and Palin. I kind of forgot how fucking funny Will's Bush is. That bitch should've done Oliver Stone's W. And Tina as Palin never gets old to me. I could watch her sexy posing skills all day long. She puts my Barbizon teachings to shame. The only thing missing is Amy Poehler as Cindy McCain. Seriously! I've been waiting for that shit. I have a half Vicodin tablet waiting to celebrate her appearance.

In case you missed that shit, the clip is above.

Sarah Fey and Tina Palin (on purpose typo) shared the same stage on SNL (aka The Sarah Palin Show) last night. Yes, they did share the stage.....for a quick second! They crossed paths and quickly glanced at each other. It was a magically strange moment that can be described in two words: acid flashback.

I think I like Tina Fey's version of Sarah Palin better than Sarah Palin's. Especially her fancy pageant walk! I could have watched that all night.

Alec Baldwin and Marky Mark also made cameos in the opening sketch which was a little awkward and uncomfortable. It was like watching my divorced parents at Thanksgiving dinner together. I didn't know whether to stare at them the whole time or medicate myself with pills and booze.

And was that a llama or a pony in the background?! Why did it only get ass time? Forget it. I just answered my own question.

Below is Sarah Palin's other appearance on Weekend Update. Amy Poehler is like 15-months pregnant and she can still rap! The bitch has skills. Todd and the moose was a nice touch, but where was Joe Sixpack and Joe the Plumber?! SNL probably couldn't afford their appearance fees.

Sarah Palin reportedly wants to get in on the fun and spoof Tina Fey on "SNL" in the next couple of weeks. You betcha!

For some strange reason Sarah and a few of her staffers think it would be a good idea for her to play Tina in a sketch. The Chicago-Sun Times reports that there's been talk of Sarah appearing on "SNL" as early as this Thursday during a special "Weekend Update." Yeah, a "Weekend Update" on Thursday. Go figure.

Apparently, the plan is for Sarah to make fun of Tina Fey's AMEX commercials with Martin Scorcese. If Sarah can't do this Thursday, then she might do the October 18th episode. SNL is a repeat this Saturday.

This is getting too fucking confusing. I'm already finding it hard to tell the difference between these two. I mean, Sarah Palin needs to stay in her world and Tina Fey needs to stay in her own. They shouldn't mix! You didn't see Tina Fey at the VP debate, did you? Wait. Maybe that was Tina Fey. See. I'm baffled!

If Sarah does do "SNL," can she please bring Joe Sixpack on with her? Seriously. I'm obsessed with him. He sounds hot.

I think a lot of us are only watching "SNL" to see Tina Fey do Sarah Palin. Or is it Tina Fey doing Sarah Palin doing Tina Fey? Yeah, that's probably it. Well, Tina made her third appearance as Palin last night and was triumphant yet again! On a sidenote, who is this Joe Sixpack bitch and can I get his number? He sounds kind of hot.

Hopefully, Queen Latifah rewarded herself with a big helping of coochie pie, because she was pretty hilarious too. Or maybe I was just wasted, which would explain why I stuck around to watch the second skit. I'm glad I did, because Kristen Wiig once again proved why she is the funniest bitch on that show. I'm tempted to dress up as "Judy" for Halloween, but everyone would probably think I was dressing up as Nicole Kidman. Clip below:

BABY HANDS!!!

Tina Fey once again put on a pair of rimless glasses to play the hockey mom from Alaska Sarah Palin on last night's SNL. This time, Amy Poehler played the blink-happy and glossy-lipped Katie Couric. I didn't realize how blinky Katie was during the Palin interview until Amy pointed it out last night. Seriously. Katie needs to bathe her eyeballs in Visine. And when is Amy going to play Cindy McCain already?! She can hide her baby bump with a medicine cabinet. I'm waaaitttting...

Above is the always amazing Tina Fey once again stealing the show. Although, that's not hard to do. The rest of SNL was....well.....I already blacked it out.

Oh and Bono IS the King of Ireland!

In case you missed it, here's the one and only Tina Fey as Sarah Palin on "Saturday Night Live" last night. Fey seriously became Palin! This whole skit was made of magic. Yes, I was drunk when I first watched it, but I saw it again this morning and still giggled like Tommy Girl getting his feetsies tickled by John Travolta.

I could have watched these two all morning. Tina should win an Emmy for her posing skills alone. Why didn't I learn that shit at Barbizon?! Anybonerkiller, watch that shit if you haven't already.

SNL should have ended right after Tina and Amy's skit, because the rest of it was pretty bleak. I mean, we were told that Michael Phelps hosted, but he pretty much disappeared after his first monologue. They put him in the corner and gave him like 3 lines to spout. The only time I laughed was when Kristen Wiig was on the screen. The woman saves every fucking skit she's in. Nobody does "slow person in need of an exorcism" quite like Kristen.

Okay, I'll admit that I did crack a smile when they showed Debbie Phelps having a "Chico's kind of day."