Ben Or Both

What the hell is Ben Affleck yapping about? This is what he told Esquire, "The best cure for a hangover is something one straight man can't do for another straight man."

Is he talking about getting it in the turdcutter? Because if that cured the drunk ills, I'd put vodka in my Frosted Flakes, vodka in my Top Ramen and vodka in my bath. Days would be filled with vodka and ass sex! Okay, it already is, but it would be so much better without the barfing part (I'm not that kinky).

Maybe he's talking about facials? And if he is, we already know he does that with Matt every Sunday while the wives are at brunch.

VIA Page Six

Most of us figured Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck would give their new kid a flower name since their first daughter is named Violet. So it's not really surprising that they used Rose as her middle name. But her first name is Seraphina! Jen's spokesbitch told People that they named their week-old daughter Seraphina Rose Elizabeth Affleck. YES! Jen and Ben are still two boring pieces of boiled broccoli, but I've just added a little melted cheddar cheese on top of them for naming their daughter Seraphina!

Seraphina Rose sounds like the name an aging gothic stripper who works the "50 cent beer" shift at some truck stop club. I absolutely adore the name! Although, I once got food poisoning at a restaurant named Serafina.......

I just hope Jen and Ben don't call her Sera or I'll have to scrape the melted cheese off of them.

Some bitch once told me that Ben Affleck isn't a stranger to wearing fake hair, so his head is probably right at home with this Jesus wig on.

Ben sort of looks like this one hot homeless dude in my neighborhood who always looks at me with lusty eyes. It's probably just a combination of him being stoned and me being delusional. I swear, if Hot Homeless Dude had a sign one day that read, "Will hit it for food," I'd immediately take him up on his offer. Who cares if his super scabies would probably set up camp on my ass cheeks! That's what the free clinic is for.

Ben wore this shit on his head for a movie called "Extract" with Jason Bateman. Is that shit low-budget? They couldn't even afford to throw that polyster mop into a tub of RIT, so it matches his beard? Anyway, here's a few more pics of Ben looking dick cheese fresh on the set in Los Angeles yesterday.

In an interview with the Associated Press, Matt Damon doesn't hold back when talking about Sarah Palin. Matt called the Palin pick a "disaster," and that there's a good chance she will become President which is a "scary thing." Matt also doesn't understand why more people aren't talking about it. Um...does he ever go on the internet?

Matt went on to say that the whole thing is a really bad Disney movie. He said, "The hockey mom, you know, 'Oh, I'm just a hockey mom'... and she's facing down Vladimir Putin... It's totally absurd... It's a really terrifying possibility."

Come on, Matt! What do you take Disney for? It's probably already in development under the working title "President Mommy." Megan Mullally already passed on it, so they are talking to Geena Davis. I can already see the poster. Geena Davis is holding a soccer ball in front of the White House while her kids are pulling at her skirt and her husband (played by Rick Moranis) is rolls his eyes at her. Vladimir Putin can play himself. It'll be a hit!