Chloe Lattanzi

Chloe Lattanzi, the star of my spring obsession "Rock the Cradle," might have made a little visit to the Tupperware factory recently. Unless it's totally natural for your chichis to hang out in your armpits. Maybe the beauty of Chloe's face is too much for them to take so they are slowly making their way to her back, hoping she doesn't notice. Keep creeping, chichis! You'll make it there by the end of the week.

Even if Chloe did figure it out, it would take three rolls of duct tape, a few tubes of Gorilla Glue, two tractor pulls and a dozen clamps to get her tittays back together. They're a pair of stubborn motherfuckers.

Here's the Opera Princess of Darkness and her determined chichis at a charity event last night.

Olivia Newton-John married some dude named John Easterling in Malibu on July 4th. Olivia, 59, and John, 49, started dating last year. Cougar wedding!

John is the CEO and founder of some shit called Amazon Herb Company. Unfortunately, not that kind of herb. My dumbass would have married him thinking my bong would be filled with natural delights every single day. Naw, his company has something to do with rainforests or something like that. BORING!

I hope John has money, because Chloe Lattanzi's plastic surgeries...I mean....her "spa treatments" don't come cheap!

And whatever happened to Olivia's boyfriend that went missing and shit? Hopefully, that dude is somewhere in Thailand laughing at the IRS and toasting to Olivia's new marriage.

Below are some pictures of our little sexy Chucky Doll with her mother back in May. When the fuck is Chloe going to come out with an album already?! I've already had a "pep talk" with my ears preparing them for her fuckery.