Anne Hathaway

Here's three official pictures of Johnny Depp (as the Mad Hatter), Helena Bonham Carter (as the Queen of Hearts) and Anne Hathaway (as the White Queen) from Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland. All three of these pictures can easily get prime real estate at the Museum of Exquisite Eyebrow Art. My own eyebrows are bowing down.

It looks like the picture that leaked last year of Johnny as the Mad Hatter was pretty much spot on. Johnny still looks like the acid baby of Elijah Wood and Carrot Top. And in this picture, you can clearly see that Tim Burton took weave brows to a whole new level! Johnny's flame brows are taking me higher! If Andy Rooney didn't get his bush brows trimmed by his barber every week, they would look just like this.

What is Helena Bonham Carter's chola name, because homegirl looks like she has razors in her hair and hickeys underneath her collar. Baby Heart Girl? La Rojo Whisper?

Anne Hathaway got so close to licking Oscar's head, so now she's got a craving for him in a bad way. Which explains why she's going to play Judy Garland in both a film and stage version of the biography Get Happy: The Life of Judy Garland. Anne will obviously do anything to an Oscar including getting her legs chopped off, because she's like five hundred feet tall and Judy was only like 4'11"! Unless they are going to pull some BENJAMIN BUTTON'S SHIT and CGI Anne's head on a little body. That would be entertaining.

The Weinstein Company, who is producing this mess, issued this statement of words: "We are thrilled to have the brilliantly talented Anne Hathaway portray stage and screen legend Judy Garland. I have worked with Anne on projects in the past and have known her for many years. She will be a true class act in this challenging role."

Why does Hollywood feel the need to do this again?! Judy Davis already conquered this shit a few years ago. I don't hate HATE hate Anne Hathaway, but she's not the one.

If Hollywood must do this again, they should at least make it interesting by casting Liza Minnelli as Young Judy (she was born to play the role) and Tammie Brown from RuPaul's Drag Race as Older Judy. Now that would be worth sneaking into with your friend using one paid ticket. I got caught doing that once and my dumb ass response was, "Oh, we had to buy two?"

VIA Coming Soon

This is Vadge and Fishy at a Valentino party at the Oak Room in NYC last night. The Oak Room was temporarily renamed Lucifer's Tomb when these two assholes were there.

What in macrobiotic hell do these two smug cunts talk about? A better question would be, how did that room survive their ridiculousness? The insane amounts of pretentiousness blowing through that room is enough to strip the finish off all that wood. The wine in that glass probably quickly tried to evaporate itself, so it wouldn't have to listen to these two British rejects blather on about their perfect bowel movements, taut vaginas, GOOP and Kabbalalahahhaha. Even the terra cotta on Valentino's skin is about to crack off all over Anne Hathaway.

And I really think that Vadge is eating fetuses, because her skin is looking so toddler-like. That some Dumplings shit right there.

Anne Hathaway said IT. And she said it last night to Babwa Wawa. Anne using the dreaded OTM didn't surprise me, because earlier in the interview she said coke was never a "horse she got on." So bitch is a fan of old timey talk. That's the way the theater fags talked in high school and I bet Anne was one of those. The type who do their "rubber baby buggy bumper" exercises in the hallways and said shit like "cheese and crackers" instead of Jesus Christ! We never would have been friends.

And I seriously slapped my monitor when that OTM mess came out of her mouth. It's at the 7:35 mark in the video above. Anne Hathaway is now on notice. And to think that I thought she had one of the hottest dress of the night. Not any fucking more. I want to throw her and that dress under the moon.

I accidentally ran into the Critics Choice Awards on Vh1 last night at the perfect perfect time. It's like some supreme being (Maddox) touched my hand and softly guided me towards a moment they knew I could not miss.

The moment started with Ben Stiller announcing the winner for Best Actress. St. Angie Jo did not win. Surprisingly, the venue's support beams did not break, forcing the entire joint to crash into a pile of dust and rubble. Instead, it was a tie between Anne Hathaway for that movie about a piece of trash at a wedding and Meryl Streep for that movie about holy child touching. They were probably hoping for a Devil Wears Prada reunion, but that shit didn't happen, because Meryl Streep was a no-show. This might have been a blessing, because if she did show, this moment probably would have never happened!

During Anne Hathaway's frantic, frazzled, 8-year-old girl on meth speech, the camera kept panning to St. Angie's face... HER FACE! If looks could kill virgin angels, this would be it. I wish I could bottle her smugness and spray it on my face whenever I am not amused. It was a dazzling moment. I learned that wax figure gods can give cuntface! No wonder Anne Hathaway acted so cracked the fuck out. Angie kept giving her the "my shit don't stank, but yours does" look. Anne's insides were slowly rotting away from St. Angie's stares of DEATH! Or maybe Anne just mixed her Adderall and Ephedrasil. Probably the latter.

I really hope Anne wins at the Golden Globes this Sunday and that they install a StAngieCam to capture every single one of Angie Jo's smirks. It's fun when she loses!

Below is the clip from the moment that played in every Brangaloonie's nightmares last night. Oh and Anne, your gums are receding, because you're on speed or some shit! Smoke a bowl and relax.

I do like that Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson look like a gayelle couple from the 80s getting married in Palm Springs. But I think that happened on accident. Anne probably knew Kate Hudson was going to be all dramatic-like by wearing some gay ass dressed, so she decided to play down her own outfit to make Kate look like a real asshole. It worked. However, Anne also fucked herself over with that Valley of the Dolls hair. An Ann Welles 'do never goes with a lezzie groom ensemble. Never.

Kate Hudson could be wearing a dress made out of Mother's Circus Animal Cookies and I'd still want to throw a mouth-foaming raccoon at her. And that dress would look better on my sister's Barbie from 1983.

Here's these two twats at the premiere of Bride Wars in NYC yesterday. SPOILER ALERT! The movie ends with both whores realizing how stupid they acted. They apologize to one another, but start arguing because one of them won't let the other one say sorry first. Then they laugh about it, hug and decide they should have a joint dream wedding right then! When the priest announces "I now pronounce you husbands and wives," they kiss their dudes and begin walking down the aisle. Kate won't let Anne walk down the aisle first, they side-eye each other and cut to black! HA! Those crazy girls. By the way, I totally made that up, but you know that's how it ends.

P.S. - Is it only me or is anyone ever bothered by rose petals strewn about like in the pictures below? I know it's supposed to be romantic and all, but where there's lone rose petals, there's a naked rose somewhere. And that's sad.

Tim Burton is currently shooting "Alice in Wonderland" with Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter. And what's a Tim Burton movie without Helena Bonham Carter? Of course, he's cast her ass as The Red Queen. Anne Hathaway will play her sister, The White Queen. That bitch isn't in the Disney cartoon movie, but is in the novel. Yes, I read that shit! Okay, I read the Cliff Notes version, but that counts.

This is Helena and Johnny's fourth Burton movie together. They've already done "Corpse Bride," "Charlie and the Shit Factory" and "Sweeney Todd." This is Helena's sixth Burton movie and Johnny's seventh.

It's obvious that Helena only got the role because she's sucking the director's hairy dick, but her acting doesn't make me fart, so she's fine. It kind of goes without saying that if you're bumping it with Tim Burton, you're going to get cast in all his movies. Remember that tall bitch Lisa Marie? She was in tons of Burton movies and then they sort of broke up. That was a career killer, because what's she doing now? Exactly.

Anne Hathaway looks like a delicious pile of bon bons on a bed of cotton candy on the October cover of W Magazine. This is some "Valley of the Dolls" meets "Candyland" meets Wino shit. Those aren't eyebrows over her eyes, they're shrinky dinks. And Saint Angelina telephoned, she wants her trout lips back.

Anymess, inside the magazine, Anne fought the tears to talk about her swindler ex-boyfriend Raffey Follieri and that whole scandal. She said, "It's a situation where the rug was pulled out from under me all of a sudden."

Yeah, I'm sure the "rug" was pulled out from under her and then she buried her face in it. Sorry, my mind was in the lezzie gutter for a minute. Let's carry on...

Anne went on to say,

"And [Get Smart co-star] Steve Carell stepped up for me during an interview when someone asked a question [about it]. He said, 'At some point you're going to have to talk about this time in your life. You don't have to do it this week. I'll take care of anything that comes your way.' I've been shown such kindness. Not everyone gets that. A lot of people go through tough times alone."

Yeah, I'm sure she's been shown a lot of "kindness." Kindness in the form of a little clam bumpin'. Sorry!!! I'm in the lezzie gutter again. Smells like an Eddie Bauer catalog.

Anne didn't only talk about the whole Raffey fiasco, she also queefed over her "Devil Wears Prada" co-star Emily Blunt. Anne said, “Emily Blunt kind of changed my approach to acting. She just fucking got on with it. She’d just jump off the diving board. I’d stop, look at the water and then jump. And suddenly I just thought, Why, her way looks so much more fun.”

Yeah, I'm sure she "jumped off the diving board" --- OKAY! I'll stop. I won't go there again.

Visit W to read the entire article if you give a lezzie's dildo.

The FBI raided Raffey Follieri's Trump Tower apartment and took a ton of shit including Anne Hathaway's private diaries. Rush & Molloy reports that they also seized a bunch of personal photos of Raffey with Anne, Pope John Paul II, Bill Clinton, Cindy McCain and other hos.

The FBI hope Anne's diaries and the other shit can help build their case against Raffey. Raffey was charged with 11 counts of fraud and money laundering for pretending to be the CFO of the Vatican in order to do a bunch of hood rat stuff.

Raffey is still in jail and Anne wants nothing to do with him. She's changed all her phone numbers and hasn't spoken to him since she dumped his ass days before his arrest.

There's probably nothing major in those diaries. Anne Hathaway is every shade of boring. Her entries probably look like this:

"Dear Diary,

No matter what I do I can't get this awful fish taste out of my mouth. I've tried brushing with baking soda, rinsing with vinegar and nothing. It just won't go away and people are starting to ask questions. I know I could stop eating fish, but I just love the taste. I'll ask Heather Matarazzo what to do. She'll know.

Love, Kisses and Sushi,
Annie

P.S. - I think my beard might be stealing from the pope or something. I'm not sure."

Donald Trump has to give his stupid ass opinion on absolutely everything and the whole Raffey Follieri situation is no exception. Donald CHUMP told Access Hollywood (via MSNBC) that it was very "disloyal" of Anne Hathaway to leave Raffey just before his arrest. What Trump calls "disloyal," I call "smart."

Trump said, “She hasn’t remained very loyal to him, has she? So when he had plenty of money, she liked him, but then after that, not as good, right?”

I'm a little disappointed that Trump didn't end his comments by saying, "And she's a fat, degenerate, lazy slob!"

This is pretty rich coming from a dude who collects wives the way he collects dead pussy hair. If Trump lost his cash tomorrow, Melania and her hot squinty eyes would be out the fucking door without so much as a goodbye. Rule #1 in the Gold Digger's handbook is: Love the money, not the man!