Terrence Howard

Terrence Howard is on a nationwide mission to make sure everyone keeps all our parts fresh and so clean! Terry has already preached about the importance of wiping your vagina with baby wipes, and now he's telling the city of Philadelphia to wash their hands.

I can't wait to see Terry's PSA for Febreezing your musty nuts and his infomercial for dipping your butter-covered peen in OxiClean.

So, the next time you decide to skip the sink, think of Terrence Howard and do the right thing. Besides, a giant douche would know all about hygiene.

Source VIA Best Week Ever (Thanks Callan)

You know it's one of those days when a story about Terrence Howard saving the life of a baby bird is the most hilarious thing you've heard in hours. No, my lips have not been on a bong or a bottle of computer duster yet. Unfortunately.

So picture this! Terrence Howard is strolling down the streets of Beverly Hills keeping it sexy and spreading the word of baby wipes. Then all of a sudden, Terry hears a chirp for help coming from the middle of the street. Terry glances over and see a helpless, innocent baby bird lying there about to be run over by a giant bus! Terry swoops in, stops traffic, cleans up the bird with a baby wipe before touching it and then carries it out of harm's way. Seriously. That's what someone told Page Six. Well, they left about the baby wipes part, but you know that happened.

The source actually said, "A baby bird was walking in front of a bus when someone from the store came out and tried to help it. Terrence followed, holding his hands up and stopping until the bird was out of harm's way."

It's out there for a chick!

This touching story reminds me of the time when I thought I saved the life of a baby bird when I was 6ish. I was coming home from school with my friend when I saw a baby bird lying on the ground. It felt out of the tree. I picked it up and was planning to put it back in the tree. That's when my bitch ass friend said, "Good going. You just killed it. Its mother is going to eat it now that you've put your dirty hands all over it." Then he called me a killer and ran off. Terrence was smarter than me, because he made sure to clean the baby bird with a baby wipe before touching it. The mommy bird was probably impressed as shit.

Fuck, this is stupid. Oh, bong, where are you?!

Eli Roth, Brad Pitt's Inglourious Basterds co-star, told People that Maddox's favorite carrier knows that the only way you can get fresh and clean is with a baby wipe. Eli said, "After a scene, Brad had to get next to me for a close-up shot, and he said, 'Damn, you're ripe,' I said, 'I didn’t have time to shower.' He said, 'Baby wipes, man, baby wipes. I got six kids. All you've got to do is just take them, a couple quick wipes under the pits. Man, I'm getting pissed on all day. I don't have time to take a shower.'"

If you happen to see Terrence Howard standing outside of Brad Pitt's window with a bouquet made of baby wipes, you now know why. Terry's life-long search for the perfect bride is over. There's finally a human being that really understands him on a deep level. Specially, understands and appreciates his love of baby wipes. Because toilet paper is NEVER enough.

Well, wouldn't you fucking know it. Terrence Howard has a little history of busting a ho's ass. It's not really ass-bursting shocking since Terry was one of the lone whores who came to Chris Brown's defense by initially saying "It's just life!" Bitch later said he was sorry for saying that mess. But yeah, it is just life to Terrence, because he also pulled an Ike Turner on his estranged wife in 2001 in Pennsylvania.

See, this is why you don't say shit, because you know someone is going to go and dig out an old ass mug shot with the story that goes along with that precious picture. Speaking of, doesn't it look like that's a kindergartner-made cardboard keyboard in his mug shot? Anyway, The Smoking Gun has all the details:

According to a Whitemarsh Police Department report, after Howard and Lori McCommas argued on the phone, the actor warned, "Don't disrespect me by hanging up on me or I'll come over and hurt you." McCommas then "hung up and contacted 911 fearing Howard was serious."

While McCommas was speaking with a police dispatcher, Howard "showed up at the victim's residence and began breaking the door down." McCommas ran to the rear of the house and into the backyard. Howard then "broke the front door down and ran through the screen door in the kitchen. Howard then grabbed the victim's left arm and punched her twice with a closed fist in the left side of the face."

The attack was broken up by Howard's brother, who responded to McCommas's house after he "saw Howard storm out of their house to go to the victim's house." When a Whitemarsh cop responded to the scene, Howard admitted, "I broke the door down and hit my wife." A second officer noted there was "fresh damage to the front door and marks on the victim's face and arm from being struck."

Terry was charged with a bunch of shit including simple assault, terroristic threats, harassment and stalking. He pleaded guilty in 2002.

Why do I picture him saying, "Don't disrespect me by hanging up on me or I'll come over and hurt you" while sniffing on a baby wipe? And that shit is serious when he beat down a door and broke through a screen door. A bitch not only needs to keep baby wipes in stock when she's dating Terry, but she's also got to keep alcohol wipes.

And now, the ball is in Roseanne's court. You know she's going to take that ball, roll it in glue, sprinkle broken glass all over it and then chuck that shit at Terry.

Somebody is defending Chris Brown and that someone is Terrence Howard. Bitch must have been channeling his character from Hustle & Flow when Hollywood.tv asked him about the RiRi/Brown beat down.

While heading into Mr. Chow, Terry said, "It's just life man. Chris is a great guy. He'll be all right. Rihanna knows he loves her. They'll be alright. Everyone has just got to get out of their way."

Oh, Terrence. Come over here, let me wipe away the shit nuggets that come pouring out of your mouth. Don't worry, I'll use fresh baby wipes. And then I'll shove all those baby wipes down your throat. Seriously, does RiRi not use baby wipes or something?

And yeah, RiRi knows Chris loves her. She's got the police report, busted eye and fucked up tenhead to prove it. Real fucking love.

UPDATE: Terry is taking this shit back and wants to wipe it clean. With a baby wipe, of course. He told E! that he had no idea what the fuck Chris allegedly did to RiRi. Basically, Terry says he was speaking out of his baby powder-scented ass without knowing what he was commenting on. Terry said, "When they asked me about Chris Brown the other day, I was in no way aware of what he had been accused of. Had I known, I would have never had said something so insensitive." Uh huh.

Don Cheadle is a lovely man and skilled thespian. I thoroughly enjoyed his work as Ice Tray in "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air." That being said, he is not worthy enough to replace Terrence Howard in "Iron Man 2." That's because, nobody is worthy enough. You just can't replace The Howard.

According to The Hollywood Reporter (via CS), Don will play Col. James/War Machine opposite Robert Downey Jr. in the sequel. Terry Howard had the role in the first movie, but a deal couldn't be reached. A source said it was over "over financial differences, among other reasons."

You know what the "among other reasons" is. BABY WIPES! It's a deal breaker for Terry, remember? He probably wanted it in his contract that all females on the set must be "baby wipes fresh" at all times when he is around. The producers should have given him whatever he wanted, because that shit show is going to tank without him. By "tank" I mean it's going to make a gazillion dollars. That's okay, Terry still has music career. Elevators will always need music.

Terrence Howard told The New York Times that he got the inspiration for one his songs while stalking his ex-wife. Terry said: "I wrote that song (No. 1 Fan) as a stalker. It was raining, and I was sitting there in front of the house, watching her come home from a date after we were divorced. I was imagining what she did on this date, and watching her giving him a kiss. I went home and wrote this song."

No. 1 Fan? Please, you know he wrote that song for baby wipes. It's okay, Terry. Your obsession for baby wipes is undeniable.

But just in case, some of you should get a restraining order against Terrence Howard. You can never be too prepared. I'll take my chances. Terry is Creepy McCreepster, but I'd still hit it.

Source

Sadly, Terrence Howard's video for his song (yes, song) "Sanctuary" doesn't feature a cameo from his favorite item in the universe: baby wipes. But I'm sure his back-up singers had to thoroughly clean themselves with baby wipes before even getting near Terrence.

This song and video is like a creamy bowl of Easy Mac with melted Velveeta and spray cheese on top. It's pure cheese. It's so fucking cheesy that Brit Brit will probably try and swallow it whole. The end is extra special because Terry gets all weepy-eyed. He's totally thinking of a vagina that wasn't properly sanitized with a baby wipe. Don't worry, Terry. My no-no hole is always baby wipe fresh.

And I know Terry is strictly a baby wipes man, but something tells me he may fall in love with Glory Hole Wipers. 4 cylinders at one time! I've already placed my order.

Thanks Faye and Karen

That was a stupid question. We know who did it! B-E-Y-O-N-C-E!!! She totally told Solange that everyone is wearing their wigs backwards. Everyone. I mean, I think the tag is sticking out in the front. And the dress and bag were definitely DIY projects using items from the local Salvation Army. Bitch is a walking Project Runway challenge. Damn, Beyonce! She got Solange again!

Solange wore this sad, sad ensemble to the BET Awards last night. Speaking of wigs that should've been left at home, that thing sitting on Lil Kim's head is illegal.

Here's more sexy messes from last night including Terry Howard who looked baby wipe fresh and Ashanti with a Cinnabon sitting in her hair.